My life has been so much better ever since I traded my impostor syndrome to brilliant conman -syndrome. Do I deserve anything in life? Fuck no! Will I grasp it anyway? Fuck yes!

 My art has never been worth shit, but watch me bullshit my way into art school! I am a horrid goblin, but watch me make these people like me! Am I qualified to do this task? Well I sure have the certificates that say that I am! And how did I get those? Who knows! Not me! I am so good at cheating, I don’t have to break a single rule to do it!

 I am brilliant, fast, and absolutely drunk with power!

Finally a concise, accurate description of what I’ve been doing the past ten years

how to do things with words

They didn’t mention the best part!

Article is at https://www.thaienquirer.com/13861/foreign-affairs-unrest-continues-for-a-seventh-day-in-former-british-colony/

Here’s another choice bit

Slow clap it out for the Thai Enquirer

what's your favorite whimsical trait of humanity's?

I love that people will create art even when nobody’s watching. Do a little dance. Sing to themselves. Arrange the sprinkles on their cupcake in a smiley face before they eat it. It makes me happy that people are out there now experiencing their own private, fleeting beauty

Appa, yeet yeet

Spaceballs (1987)

HOW DO I REBLOG THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

Sometimes you have to just treat yourself like an overtired toddler.

“Okay, as soon as you finish this assignment you can take a little nap.”

“You just cleaned your room, good job!”

“Hmm..maybe eating a snack will stop you from wanting to cry.”

Sometimes? I think you mean all of the time.

“Ok you did really good today, so when we go do the shopping you can pick out a toy”

Sometimes it’s like this.

god all american kids cartoons really do have that one outstandingly scary episode no matter what do u guys fucking remember this

Repressed it until now! Thanks!

hmmm

Ten year old virgins?

The pic wont load but by god that better be the road work ahead guy

the pic wont load but by god that better be the road work ahead guy

^Haiku^bot^9. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes. Some of you will be my pet if you survive the initial human extermination. | PayPal | Patreon

ok every time I see this post I find it necessary to point out Jesus was a carpenter like he legit would’ve used the fuck outta a nail gun

Telling children that you won’t get mad if they tell the truth and then getting mad about it will turn them into massive liars in the future

i took a pic of me watching the pickle rick episode to piss people off but like somehow i managed to take the pic so that the frame on the tv was…. a different frame to the reflection on the desk?

cursed image

this is the most fucked up scenario that accurately depicts that movement of photons through space and time

Einstein would be so upset that you proved his theory in one moment, cause in his day it took fuckin months to setup an eclipse pic to prove relativity n you did it by accident, in ur living room. congrats.

Just got to do some woodworking for the first time in a long while, and I am once again reminded of why I enjoy my favorite type of word to work with: Purpleheart.

Why’s it called purpleheart?

Muthafuckin’ purple wood. How cool is that? It’s brown when you cut it, but due to oxidization, eventually turns to a beautiful purple color. (if you don’t seal it at this stage, it’ll eventually turn red, I believe, which is still pretty, but you buy purpleheart for purple, damnit!)

And everything you make with it turns out amazing.

Purple floors?

Nice.

Purple stairs?

Fancy.

Purple table?

Sweet.

Purple guitar?

Awesome.

Purple whatever the hell is going on here?

Epic.

It’s just such a cool wood to work with, and it’s sturdy enough to be used for just about anything. If I ever get a house, half of it might just end up being made out of purpleheart.

Anyway, that’s enough nerdery for one post. I will now return to reblogging stupid pictures and recipes.

For some reason this ancient, ancient post keeps getting notes randomly. It is now less than 40 notes away from 30,000.

*Why.*

*sobs*

The only thing prettier than black hardwood floors.

This is still one of the best executed jokes I’ve ever seen