always tired but never of you
summary : the five times you’re tired but never of bucky
You’re always tired, and more particularly in the morning ; you’re not a morning person — everyone knows that. Steve knows that, Natasha knows that, even Sam knows that and doesn’t pester you like he always does because he knows better than annoying you when you’re still half asleep and haven’t gotten any caffeine yet. Maybe, just maybe, it’s due to the fact that he tried once and ended up with a bleeding nose.
James Barnes doesn’t know anything about you. He knows Steve by heart and had several encounters with the rest of the Avengers, but he had never met you before moving to the compound. He finds you fascinating, and can’t help but stare at you whenever you’re not looking, whenever he thinks you can’t feel his steel blue eyes on you. It doesn’t bother you, because sometimes you can’t help but doing the exact same thing, your bright orbs trailing down his jawline more often than you’re willing to admit.
That’s exactly what you are doing right know, while you’re sitting at the kitchen counter with a steaming cup of coffee and a cereal bowl in front of you, your hand frozen in mid-air with a milk-dripping spoon. You’re too tired to try to hide it and be sneaky or subtle about it and it’s not like it matters because as previously said : everyone knows not to talk to you or even pay you attention in the morning — everyone except Bucky, who’s trying to adapt to his new life style and while doing so, trying to form new friendships.
After filling his own cup of coffee and grabbing the cereal box, he sits right next to you — the seat no one dares to touch because it’s too close and too early for this but he never knew that was the reason why it was always empty — and begins pouring cereals in his bowl.
“Hey, can you give me the milk?” he asks, his voice still raspy from sleep - more like his lack of.
“Is he talking to her?” Sam whispers into Steve’s ear, earning a small slap to get him to shut up.
There’s a small moment of silence where Bucky wonders what he has done wrong, because everyone is looking at him, then at you, and then back at him and back at her. Asking someone for milk isn’t offensive nowadays, is it?
“Uh, sure,” you answer after setting your spoon back in the bowl and grabbing the bottle for the brunette looking completely lost.
“Thanks,” he mutters, frowning.
“You didn’t get a spoon,” you state. “D'you want me to get you a spoon?” What follows next is the sound of Sam chocking on his food and Steve patting his back while looking at the two of you with sheer incredulity on his features. Natasha is just smirking and twirls her red curls between her fingers before taking a sip of her beverage.
“Oh, yeah, thanks,” Bucky smiles and you smile back, returning your focus on your breakfast and eating peacefully next to the ex-assassin, your arms brushing against each other sometimes.
“Am I dreaming? Please slap me Steve.”
Second time — Date gone wrong
The first thing that can be heard when the elevators door open is a string of colourful curses leaving your mouth, eyes brows set in a frown. It deepens even more when your notice that the kitchen lights are still on. You don’t want to see anybody, nor talk with anybody. You literally want to grab the first guy you see and slam him into a wall and then knee him in the balls before smashing his head against the —
You stop abrubtedly when you spot James leaning on the counter, his eyes unfocused while stearing whatever is in his cup. You’re exhausted and angry and the first and only thing you wanted to do was go straight to bed and sleep for twenty-four hours but now he got your full attention.
But before you can say anything, freaking Sam Wilson had to appear right behind you.
“So, this date?” you turn your head to face him, slowly and almost dangerously, before your eyes meet his shoot him daggers. “What? Just asking!”
“Not a good time.” You spit and he smirks.
“Do you mean that like, Sam, it’s not a good time to talk about this or like, you didn’t have a good time?”
“Sam,” you growl, more like a warning, and drop your bag on the floor while Bucky stands up straighter. « I’m tired and I don’t want to talk about it because he was an asshole and I just wasted a good night sleep and I’m so pissed off, okay? Don’t make it worse or I swear I will rip your head off.“
“Okay, okay!” Sam raises his head in surrender and jogs to the fridge to grab a drink.
James watches you closely as you walk over to the counter and linger here for a moment, looking at what he is having.
“What is that?” You ask, smelling the cup with sudden interest.
“It’s a tea Wanda gave me,” he answers before adding more quietly : “‘Said it helped with nightmares and stuff.”
“Can I have one?” You then ask, tone a bit more timid. Bucky is skilled enough to hide his surprise and nods, his face remaining expressionless while Sam opens his mouth dramatically before exiting the kitchen, groaning.
James keeps his gaze focused on the boiling water and grabs another cup while he can hear the sound of you removing your high heals and jacket before the sound of the leather chair squeaking underneath you can be heard.
“Thanks.” You mutter with a tiny smile when he hands you a steaming cup, the smell of spices and plants invading the room once again.
You set your elbow on the counter and then rest your head on the palm of your hand, yawning and keeping your eyes shut for a second. Bucky takes advantage of your closed lids to watch you closely, having returned to his seat across from you. He notices that your makeup is a bit darker than usual and you’re wearing a bright lipstick and the fact that you put effort into your makeup for a jerk makes him sigh loudly.
“What’s the matter?” You ask, bright eyes having re-opened and staring at him expectantly.
He stays silent for a minute because he’s stunned at the fact that you’re so angry and tired but still take the time to ask him what is wrong with him.
“Can I ask you what happened with that guy?” And you told him over her cup of tea, without hesistation, because you can be angry and tired but he’s the exception.
“What are you watching?” you ask when entering the living room and seeing the golden trio (Steve, Sam et Bucky) on the couch, trying to hold back a yawn but your eyes still water.
“We’re showing the fossil over here — ” Sam nods towards Bucky. “ — some of the classics he missed.”
“And the first movie that came to your mind is… Toy Story? Right, it’s the masterpiece of the century!” Your voice drips with sarcasm and judgment but really, you also want to scream at the top of your lungs : James Buchanan Barnes is watching Toy Story and it is the cutest thing ever.
“Weren’t you the one I caught watching Finding Dory just a week ago? And those tissues on the couch, uh, I don’t think it was because of a cold!”
“Shut the fuck up Sam, I told you I — ”
“I’ll kill you.” You threaten, taking a step forward.
“Guys!” Steve whines, while Bucky just sits there and watch the two of you bicker. He is used to it by now.
“Alright, I’ll watch it with you.” You yawn again before sitting on the couch, right next to Bucky. “But it’s definitely not because I wanna watch this stupid movie. I’m tired and I just want company. Got that?”
“Right. And I’m freaking Captain America.” Sam rolls his eyes and you have to lean on Bucky so you can slap the Falcon’s arm. “Ow! Steve, did you see that?” Steve sighs and knows it’s not worth it. “Metal arm, did you see that?”
“No one cares if you get hit, birdbrain.”
This goes on for about ten minutes before silence takes over, just like sleep takes over you. You yawn for the hundredth time and Bucky notices, that’s why he leans forward to grab the blanket that was folded on the table, and draps it over you. You lift your head to watch him and smile, touched by the gesture.
“So I don’t get a blanket?”
It’s too late for this and James knows it ; Sam should now it too.
“Shut the fuck up before I make you.” You growl before getting closer to the man next to you and cuddling up against him. Then you mumble something against his chest but he can’t hear it because the blanket is all over you.
Sam and Steve both whip their heads to the left, eyes wide opened. Bucky smiles and this time draps the blanket over the two of you, his arm pulling you closer to him while you smile contently and begin falling asleep with the sound of his heartbeat in your ears.
“What so I’ve know the girl for three years and she won’t talk to me without insulting me when she’s tired but you’ve been here for two months and she cuddles with you? What the fuck man, what’s so special about you?”
Fourth time - Mission aftermath
The elevator dings and Bucky straightens up, his eyes scanning his friends’ faces, dirty and battered, and his eyebrows shoot up in an interrogative manner.
“What the hell happened?”
There is a moment of silence where Sam sighs rather loudly and where Nat doesn’t even look up, too busy kicking off her shoes and pressing on her ankle, probably because she sprained it. Bucky has more time to take in their apparence and more time to notice that someone is missing, which make him stand up rather abrubtedly.
“Ambush,” Steve speaks up first, dropping his bag on the floor. “It’s complicated. I’ll explain in the briefing room.”
Bucky nods before asking hesitantly : “Did someone get hurt?” Obviously they all got hurt but they know he’s talking about more severe injuries than a sprained ankle or a broken wrist.
“She’s in the med bay,” Nat mutters, letting her hair down and smirking a bit.
When he finds you, you’re sitting on the hospital bed and wiping tears off your face with the back of your hand while one of the nurses is taking your blood pressure. The ex winter soldier stalks behind a doctor and asks quietly about you, and learns that there was an explosion and you couldn’t get out in time. His jaw and fists tighten while his worried eyes scan you ; you’re looking so small and worned out and he’s scared you are going to pass out at any moment.
“Hey, I need you to answer a couple of questions so I can finish your evaluation. On a scale from 1 to 10, how bad is the pain?” Your eyes water up again and you grumble something that doesn’t make any sense before clearing your throat.
“Can I lay down? And sleep? I’m too tired,” you mutter and it almost sounds like you are pleading. The nurse helps you get into the bed and you still haven’t noticed Bucky standing there, arms crossed over his chest and his brows set into a worried frown.
“So, on a scale from 1 to 10 — ”
“Oh, shut up!” You and Bucky mutter at the exact same time, and that’s when you see him.
“James?” Your head shoots up and you try to sit down again but he hurries at your side and pushes you back, gently, stroking your shoulder with his thumb.
“Hey, take it easy,” he says softly, crouching down so your eyes can be on the same level. “ ‘Some nasty bruises you’ve got here.”
You lay back down with a sigh, adjusting your head on the pillow before turning to him and putting your hand over his. He immediately laces your fingers together and brings your hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss on it while you try smiling softly at him.
“You got me worried over there.” he confesses and you wipe your eyes again. “Hey, why are you crying?”
“Don’t think it’s because of you, asshole ; I’m just hurting,” you roll your watery eyes before grabbing his hand a bit tighter.
“Oh yeah? You think you can tell me how bad it is on a scale from 1 to 10?” He asks with a smirk that makes you whine.
“Seriously though,” his smile drops and he shifts a bit closer to you ; his blue eyes scanning your face once again, worried. “How bad is it?”
You close your eyes for a second before answering quietly, almost to yourself : “I’d say it’s an 8.”
“Do you want me to ask them for painkillers?”
“Already gave them to me, I’m waiting for them to kick in,” you shrug before wincing in pain. “You’re here, it’s okay.”
And when you hold your entertwined hands over your chest before closing your eyes, Sam and Steve are just outside the room, their eyes bulging out of their sockets.
“Is this for real? She nearly bit me when I tried to help her! What is wrong with me? Steve!”
Fifth time — Ditching a gala
You can tell by watching him that he doesn’t want to be there, he doesn’t even belong in a ball room and he hasn’t danced in so long that he fears he is going to trop over his own foot if he tries.
And you can tell that you don’t want to be here either — not because you don’t belong here with all those fancy people because oh you do, with your silk gown subtly revealing your long legs and your dark lipstick complimenting the color of your eyes. But despite your look your still seem tired, your eyes unfocused while you are absentedmindly playing with the red straw that’s in your drink, and it doesn’t go unnoticed.
Bucky watches you closely, as you fake smile and laugh, that is until you catch his steel blue eyes and your dark red lips part in surprise, maybe even admiration, lust, and you truly smile for the first time in the night, your dimples showing, and he can swear that from his position, your cheeks darkened. A minute later you’re standing by his side, sliding your soft hand down his flesh arm and grabbing his hand.
“Could you at least pretend not to be that bored?” You snicker and Bucky only rolls his eyes.
“I could say the same to you,” it’s his turn to smirk, brushing his thumb against the back of your hand. “I could hear your fake laugh even without my super-hearing.”
“Wanna get out of here?” You don’t have to ask twice for Bucky to drag you to the closest exit, both of you not even noticing the stares your friends are giving you, and neither can you hear Sam muttering to himself :
“I came to say she looked good earlier in the night and she just told me to shut up. Tell me honestly, do I have to get blue contacts? Grow my hair? Look like I wanna murder you all the time?”
You both have long forgotten about the party and right now, you are resting your backs against the elevator wall, waiting for it to reach the right level. You try to hide your repetitive yawning but Bucky chuckles and brings you closer to him, his metal arm holding your waist while you rest your head against his shoulder, closing your tired eyes.
The super soldier walks you to your room, still touching you whenever he gets the chance — an arm brushing against the other, a hand lingering on her skin. He tries making your bed look as soft as possible by adjusting the covers and the pillows while you change in the bathroom, exiting in only a oversized shirt.
“What?” You chuckle because Bucky is looking at you with a small smile on his face and his big blue eyes are staring at you with the softest look you have ever seen in them and if he keeps doing that you might even get nervous.
“You’re beautiful,” he just says, almost blushing. And definitely blushing when you don’t even try holding back your laugh, to the point that you are almost crying.
“God. This is cheesy.” You shake your head, taking a step closer to him and snaking your arms around his neck, your breath fanning against his face.
“Shut up,” he only rolls his eyes, adoring smile on his plump lips, mirroring yours. Then you slide your hands down to his chest and push him on your bed.
“Stay with me tonight?” You ask softly, propping up your elbow on one of the pillows and resting your cheek in the palm of your hand. James just nods, and lays down beside you, grabbing you elbow to make you fall onto him so that your face is resting against his chest, the pattern of his breathing matching your own. You stifle a yawn for the 10th time in a few minutes.
The former Winter Soldier shifts slightly so he can face you, stroking your cheek with the back of his flesh hand. “Are you too tired to kiss me?”
You chuckle, arching an eyebrow, waiting for him to laugh or tell you it’s a joke — anything! but he just stares at you, a small and tender smile playing on his plump lips. Only then you realize that he truly meant what he said, and you smirk before whispering :
“Always tired, but never of you”, while snaking your arms up his neck and pulling him closer.
