omg hi if you like seventeen/listen to seventeen casually etc please rb this post this isn't a great statistical survey but just a general idea to see how big caratblr is 😭

Jennifer Morrison as Emma Swan in Once Upon a Time (Season 1)

we are gonna be vacuuming up this post for the next five years

plot and wedding vows and earth shattering subtext aside catws delivered action like it was a sport. winter solider showing up in the middle of the goddamn road with a bazooka. SIDE STEP as the SUV flips over like. the elevator scene. theeeeeee knife fight the hand to hand combat. not to mention winter soldiers entire design the belts and the buckles and the Metal arm exposed and the goggles and the fitted mask and the Eyeliner and. the hair. and steve with the Dark Blue Stealth Suit. je croyais que tu étais plus qu'un bouclier. on va VOIR. backflip kick the guy in the face. crazy.

*becomes a police sketch artist but no matter how witnesses describe suspects to me i always draw them as a really sexy bishounen man*

"Ugh, there's no original ideas anymore, everything's already been done..." WRONG. What about those ladies from Austria singing about being possessed by the ghost of Edgar Allan Poe

glad that im not popular enough to have an evil shadow version of my blog that exists just to make contradictions on my posts

:)

Do Not Do This To Me

if this post hits 200k im printing it out and eating it

Achievement Unlocked:

Daily Recommended Dose of Fiber

Make an ill-advised promise within earshot of a gimmick blog.

Quick someone add a fucked-up car so we can get @identifying-cars-in-posts

Ok!

1976-1977 Oldsmobile Cutlass

That car is not messed up enough. Here.

@identifying-cars-in-posts

1981-1983 Delorean DMC-12

I'll write a hauiku as a comment on this post and hope the bot sees

I’ll write a hauiku

as a comment on this post

and hope the bot sees

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

@identifying-horses-in-posts

Pretty horse!

@i-say-ok

ok.

@cat-spotted

CAT SPOTTED!!☆ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

Fine kitty appearing during our time of need! This Delightful beast only appears once every 1000 years for the small price of $2.50!

/200K

$0

I choose @weirdly-specific-but-ok ! And it's effective!

the second i saw someone chose me for something i felt deep irrational fear. what eldritch demon is this site sacrificing me to now?

oh are we eating paper is that a thing because i am down baby

If someone asks what Tumblr is, show them this thread.

@turtleneck-crowley @ivankaramazov07 isn't this magic. :D :D ;D

TUMBLR IS HUMAN CULTURE AT ITS FINEST I TELL YOU THE DOCTOR WOULD BE PROUD TO SEE US IDIOTS. IVE SHENANID-ONCE, ILL SHENAN-AGAIN

to all those who got the ducktales reference, i send my love and kisses

I’m turning this into a picrew chain also guys lots of pressure

Do it or the animatronics fucking get me also no I did not kill anyone what are you talking about

tags: @biscuits-lovely-corner @expresso4thedeppresso @funkingrn @aroacesigma @lastdivantruther @barracuda677 @pengumi12 @sulkystella @misschuchuw @someonebeatmetotheseusernames @blinksager @sav3yee @chuuyasboner @ur-local-remy-kinnie @urazayt @thelittleprinceconfirmed @gherkin-saute @vinylbiohazard @amioddlyart

tag all you moots this is not an option

also prev yes you @ivankaramazov07 I want you to do it as well

@probablyautism thnx for remembering the weirdest tumblrina on the planet. also can u explain to ur local grandma what she has to do(apologies are afoot)

So tap on the link above my character and simply make your own it could be an OC or you or your sona, anything.

ON IT BESTIE!

im here watching this lmao, funniest shit i seen

NOT THE KILGRAVE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

oh and @probablyautism here u go luv

CMON FOLKS

DO IT

here you are!!

@mystic-mae IM IN LOVE WITH YOUR PICREW!!!!!! beautiful business.

@weirdly-specific-but-ok @styx142 no pressue :)

Wild how I keep returning to this goddamn post. @queermarzipan ball's in your court babe.

It may still need help getting to 200,000.

Here's Aziraphale in disguise:

And here's a backstage shot of the Gentlemen in 1941 suits:

@tothechaos will you print and eat the entire post? If so, here is a long joke. Don't choke:

A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people.

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he’s offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him.

The next day, he’s led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

There’s never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.

Within a week’s time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one.

He doesn’t care that he can’t drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people.

Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.

His last meal request is a single banana. When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.

The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.

His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death.

They ask him what he’d like for his last meal. “A single banana,” he says.

“Oh, no you don’t, you son of a bitch. We’re on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you’re not escaping this time!”

The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.

The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

“Did you give him the banana?” demands the head guard.

“No, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn’t give it to him, we swear!” says one of the guards.

Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.

JEFF, CHANGE YOUR FUCKING URL

@writing-prompt-s

Quick! Gordon Ramsey has tasked you to come up with a new recipe with a rather special ingredient: 'this trainwreck of a Tumblr post printed out on paper'. You don't have much time as the exquisite guest will enter the doors of your fancy establishment the moment this post hits 200k notes. Come up with a recipe. Please provide detailed instructions.

Bespoke 9 course meal meant to be enjoyed by @tothechaos

Foreword:

As tasked by the prolific Gordan Ramsey, this 9 Course endeavour will feature the post in its entirety segmented into 9 delightfully ornate, unreasonably complex yet delectably unparalleled dishes. In the following, we'll see how to prepare each of these dishes.

Course One

Dish name: 10k notes of Hubris

10k Notes of Hubris is a simple risotto with saffron infusion and forest mushrooms, topped with shavings of the top 9th piece of this post, printed in full colour, regular stock. Due to the nature of a 9 course setting, it is wise to start with a simpler dish.

Ingredients (serves four people):

1 teaspoon of saffron

300g carnaroli rice

50g extra virgin olive oil

20g butter

5g shallots

1l vegetable broth

parsley (to taste)

100g porcini mushrooms

80g portobello mushrooms

100g brown mushrooms

5g truffle oil

5g lemon peel and lemon juice

30g parmesan cheese

thyme (a dash)

5g garlic

A pinch of salt and pepper

The first 9th of this post, printed in full colour with regular stock.

Method:

In a saucepan, pour the oil and the chopped shallot(s), then add the rice and saffron and toast

Pour the broth a little at a time and cook slowly. Allow to cook before adding salt and black pepper. Stir in butter, grated parmesan cheese, chopped parsley, truffle oil, lemon juice and peel.

In a separate saucepan, cook the mushrooms with oil, garlic, thyme, salt and black pepper.

Presentation:

At the base of the dish pour the risotto, complete with forest mushrooms and basil leaves. Shave the printed top 9th of the post and sprinkle on top. Drizzle a dash of olive oil before serving.

The next dish and recipe of this 9 course meal, complete with the next 9th of the post printed and incorporated, will be presented by another chef.

@one-time-i-dreamt @i-am-a-fish @pukicho

hi jeff (:

I just texted @one-time-i-dreamt

i don't what's more wild to me, how much we are all working on giving someone ink poisoning or learning that @writing-prompt-s has @one-time-i-dreamt 's phone number

I have been summoned many, many times

This post is already one of the most epic I have ever seen. Keep going!

The tumblr post equivalent of the fall of ceasar. Well can't miss my turn with the knife.

Horror Movie Genres: Complete List

BODY HORROR

A horrific change of the body, be that through mutation, disfiguration, or any other disturbing transformation. Differs from gore due to the existential dread that comes with losing yourself.

“A Cure for Wellness” - 2016 “Videodrome” - 1983 “Uzumaki” - 2000 “Black Swan” - 2010

MELT MOVIES

A specific type of body horror that includes the melting of flesh and bone.

“The Blob” - 1988 “The Evil Dead” - 1981 “Gremlins” - 1984 “The Beyond” - 1981

FOUND FOOTAGE

But where was it found?

“Cloverfield” - 2008 “Grave Encounters” - 2011 “The Blair Witch Project” - 1999 “REC” - 2007

PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR 

Horror that plays with your mind.

“His House” - 2020 “10 Cloverfield Lane” - 2016 “Cube” - 1997 “Silence of the Lambs” - 1991

HOME INVASION

Where you’re most vulnerable. 

“Us” - 2019 “Don’t Breathe” - 2016 “Hush” - 2016 “The Purge” - 2013

SLASHER

Surrounding a killer stalking and murdering a group of people. 

“Halloween” - 1978 “A Nightmare on Elm Street” - 1984 “Friday the 13th” - 1980 “Fear Street Part One: 1994″ - 2021

REVENGE HORROR

The perpetrators of an injustice getting their dues. 

“May” - 2002 “I Spit on Your Grave” - 2010 “American Mary” - 2012 “Ma” - 2019

GORE

What it says on the tin. Gore was very big in the ‘00s. 

“Martyrs” - 2008 “Saw” - 2004 “Hostel” - 2005 “Audition” - 1999

FOLK HORROR

Surrounding the darker side of “folk” - anything anti-modern and regionalised. Includes cults, lore, and sometimes ancient magic.

“In the Earth” - 2021 “Blood on Satan’s Claw” - 1971 “The Lighthouse” - 2019 “A Field in England” - 2013

WITCH-BASED FOLK HORROR

“The Blair Witch Project” - 1999 “The VVitch” - 2015 “Suspiria” - 2018 “Gretel and Hansel” - 2020

CULT-BASED FOLK HORROR

“The Ritual” - 2017 “Midsommar” - 2019 “Wicker Man” - 1973 “Kill List” - 2011

CANNIBAL HORROR

Horror surrounding the consumption of human flesh.

“Raw” - 2016 “Green Inferno” - 2013 “Cannibal Holocaust” - 1980 “The Hills Have Eyes” - 1977

GRINDHOUSE (AKA EXPLOITATION HORROR)

Often cheaply made, seen as trashy by some, uses sensationalist violence to draw in an audience.

“House of Whipcord” - 1974 “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre” - 1974 “Frightmare” - 1974 “Death Proof” - 2007

GIALLO

Heavily stylised Italian suspense/horror movies that feature shocking scenes of gore.

“Suspiria” - 1977 “A Lizard in Woman’s Skin” - 1971 “Deep Red” - 1975 “Blood and Black Lace” - 1964

VAMPIRE HORROR

The bloodsucking undead.

“Let the Right One In” - 2008 “30 Days of Night” - 2007 “Thirst” - 2009 “A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night” - 2014

GOTHIC HORROR

Gothic themes such as old manors, vampires, and dreary weather.

“Crimson Peak” - 2015 “The Others” - 2001 “Dracula” - 1958 “The Whip and the Body” - 1963

SUPERNATURAL

Unexplainable phenomena. Can include ghosts, but doesn’t have to.

“The Exorcist” - 1973 “It Follows” - 2014 “The Omen” - 1976 “The Babadook” - 2014

GHOST/SPIRIT HORROR

The one does need to have ghosts.

“Ringu” - 1998 “Veronica” - 2017 “The Conjuring” - 2013 “The Grudge” 2004

ZOMBIE HORROR

Remember when everyone was really into the idea of a zombie apocalypse? What changed…

“Night of the Living Dead” - 1968 “28 Days Later” - 2002 “Little Monsters” - 2019 “Planet Terror” - 2007

CREATURE FEATURES

I count this as anything with an animal threatening your life, to differentiate it from a monster movie - killer bees instead of Godzilla, a massive bear instead of Frankenstein’s monster. 

“Crawl” - 2019 “Jaws” - 1975 “The Birds” - 1963 “Lake Placid” - 1999

INDIE HORROR

Usually made for a lower budget, independently from a larger studio. 

“The Void” - 2016 “Creep” - 2014 “V/H/S” - 2012 “Resolution” - 2012

ALLEGORICAL

A film that has one story on the surface, but is a metaphor for another.

“Hereditary” - 2018 “The Platform” - 2019 “District 9″ - 2009 “They Live” - 1988

SCI-FI HORROR

A mixture of science-fiction and horror. 

“Event Horizon” - 1997 “The Fly” - 1986 “Alien” - 1979 “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” - 1978

COSMIC HORROR

Surrounding the unexplainable phenomena of deep space/alternate dimensions. Notoriously hard to represent visually.  

“The Endless” - 2017 “The Thing” - 1982 “Annihilation” - 2018 “in the Mouth of Madness” 1994

AQUATIC HORROR

The scary deep sea. Or other body of water.

“The Abyss” 1989 “Underwater” 2020 “Sea Fever” - 2019 “Sphere” - 1998

(UNMUTE YOU WON'T REGRET IT)

(Source)

adding tags because YEAH

like! people always reference pride & prejudice as the archetypal “normal girl falls for mysterious brooding antihero” story but they overlook the part where lizzy drags darcy so fucking hard he leaves town and then apologizes for talking to her the next time they meet even though they’re at his literal house

Also, she doesn’t fall for the mysterious brooding antihero. She thinks that guy’s a twerp. She falls for the guy who loves his sister a lot, is kind to his servants, isn’t rude to the Gardiners and who acts completely differently to the brooding antihero before apologising for his past behaviour and acknowledging that her put down of him was extremely well deserved.

The shirt removal really solidifies this as a genuine reaction

Same energy

how to keep following people when a major social platform implodes

(...and you don't want to join 20 new websites)

First, get an RSS reader*:

You'll be able to make a custom feed to follow blogs, webcomics, social media feeds, podcasts, news, and other stuff on the web all in one place. To follow something, find its "feed URL"-- often marked by an icon that looks like this ↓-- and paste it into your reader of choice as a new feed.

Some feed URLs for social media:

(If you know an artist who exclusively posts to Instagram, you may want to gently suggest that they crosspost elsewhere...)

Also see how to find the RSS feed URL for almost any site. Try using public RSS-Bridge instances or Happyou Final Scraper to generate feeds for sites that don't have them (Pillowfort, Patreon, etc).

*You can set up your subscriptions in one reader and import them into another by exporting an OPML file.

This!

RSS feeds were a great way to keep track of things before the rise of the platforms, and (if we’re smart) they’ll be great again.

Btw much as I love to make fun of twitter and reddit's business decisions, I have 0% trust in tumblr's management to not go a similar route so this is your gentle reminder that you should regularly go to your blog settings to export your blog. That's a fancy way of saying you can download a backup of your blog so if everything goes down you'll still have a backup of your posts & convos.

It's gonna come as a surprise to most of you, but if you don't want to do that for whatever reason you're allowed to not reblog this post. I'm not holding a gun to your head here I'm just trying to spread the word for people who do want a backup of their stuff.

Also, made this guide for backup Tumblr blogs (ft. export blog method, and python 3 script method):

I swear I did this before the Porn Purge and then completely lost the how-to link, so thank you @magz​ for sharing it again!

Reblogging this again in light of Tumblr's actual death knell possibly having actually sounded maybe.

time is beautiful