Gimme Some Almond Milk

Barbie (2023)

Me to red pill dudes on the internet: Oh, so you got Birkenstocked??

I Kissed a Girl being knocked off #1 on the Hot 100 by Disturbia which was knocked off by Live Your Life which was knocked off by So What which was knocked off by Womanizer which was knocked off by Single Ladies which was knocked off by Just Dance which was knocked off by My Life Would Suck Without You which was knocked off by Right Round which was knocked off by Poker Face is an insane run of HITS. We really said the Global Recession needs the cuntiest soundtrack.

eddie munson has one of those traditional style bicep "mom" heart tattoos except instead of mom it says "wayne"

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk

Oh to be a hobbit living in a hole under the ground and waking up to drink tea and farm and My friends would kiss my forehead and eat with me

Because I think about this every time I go to an airport

Obsessed with the fact that serena williams sat there listening to the greatest detective alive and the founder of a tech company who’s just been embroiled in a public trial solving a murder case and she went back to reading her science fiction book.. queen of minding her own business

It’s a crime they typecast Daniel Craig as a serious action man for so long when it’s clear he was born to play a silly little gay detective

superhero franchises are OUT. gay little anti-elite detective franchises are IN

i wish all working class brits a very riot when your government tries to spend a billion dollars on that bitch’s funeral while your cost of living skyrockets, and i wish all non brits a very support working class brits while their country catches on fire

“eddie should be back in s5!” i say into the mic. the crowd boos. i begin to walk off the stage in shame. “no, she’s right!” i hear a voice in the back say. the lights come on. it’s metallica.

you guys wanna see the most accurate and blasphemous representation of the words ‘catholic shaming’?

happy easter, everyone

ibuprofen and sink water is the midnight version of coffee and a cigarette…

her tits are plaguing me call that boobonic