they call me the fact checker the way I always go “hang on. let me look this up” mid conversation

Guys I’m going to make a hot take

The whole “I wish I could be with a woman, but instead I’m stuck with my stupid, gross husband/boyfriend” sentiment I see repeated in bi circles is just the “progressive” queer version of the boomer “I hate my wife” jokes

if he’s stupid and gross you should leave him and if he isn’t you’re just being cruel for internet points and he should leave you

Penguin escapes killer whales by jumping onto a boat.

Antarctic penguins (and most other Antarctic animals for that matter) are very interesting because they lack a natural fear of humans since, of course, humans are not a natural occurrence on the continent. It is one of the few places on earth where it is completely normal for fully wild animals to be comfortable around you. In fact, most react as though humans are just especially large penguins as those are the only flightless biped native to the area.

As far as this gentoo penguin is concerned, it was saved by a float of large yellow penguins also hiding from orcas.

Penguin Diogenes

@tchaikovsgay penguin

dreamt that ppl were playing "dnd hard mode" which was just playing dnd by a pool and if you rolled a nat 1 the dm pushed you into the water

I wish lesbians were as easy to find in real life as they are on tumblr

11 FUCKING THOUSAND NOTES ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WHERE ARE YOU ALL COME DATE ME

ok

update: we are dating

update: we are married

update: we knocked up

This is the cutest story on the entirety of Tumblr, I swear to god!!!!!

Update: had a baby together

Update: he’s 1 year old today

Update: he’s 2 today

Update: baby number two, electric boogaloo

Update: guess who became a big brother yesterday?

Didn't like it

i hope the anonymous person who sent the "i used to live in your house. i'm drunk in boston and it's the only address i know. happy holidays" postcard is aware that they wrote my favourite poem

Lesbians

clap for lesbians

but try telling your job you want a wank break

sitting on my blog’s porch with a cigarette and a shotgun

distorted mirror / n.j.

nothing has been more important to my being queer than when i went to my first pride parade, got seperated from my group, had a panic attack about it and was sitting on the side of the road holding a tiny genderfluid flag and freaking out. then this six foot five drag queen in four inch heels appeared from literally nowhere and sat down next to me. i, this scared-shitless trans bi kid at pride for the first time, very nervously told her she looked pretty and i told her my name and that i got lost and didn't feel like i should be at pride and she held my hand and said "oh, honey, everybody deserves to be here, especially you. pride is for everybody who's ever gotten lost, who's been scared of who they are or where they are. you think we never been scared before? pride's for you, honey, because you're scared. you don't have to be proud right now, but you're gonna be one day, honey, i'm sure of it."

i found my group soon after that and i never saw that queen again but to this day i am convinced i met an angel.

obsessed with characters being saved against their will. being knocked unconscious and carried away from a danger they won't stop trying to fight. being shoved through a portal somewhere far away and safe right before it closes. trying to self-sacrifice only to have the exact person they're trying to save swap their places at the last second. getting the only cure to the disease or curse bc the person administering it loves them too much to give it to anyone else, including themselves. being thrown to safety right as they had accepted dying. someone else they thought had gotten to safety running back to drag them out of danger. it's so fucking tasty

Tumblr already has a personalization algorithm it's called my beloved mutuals who have great taste and only wish to psychologically damage me sometimes