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journey to elsewhere

@aubsenroute / aubsenroute.tumblr.com

aubrey. twentysomething. washington dc. finds joy in sweat, mountains, and strong coffee; desires to make you laugh, smash the patriarchy, and read all the books.
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hi i'm alive.

things that have happened since i last logged onto this hellsite in june:

i baked ~a dozen new bakes plus several repeats

i spent three weeks training for a sprint triathlon

...that ended abruptly when i was in a cycling crash that left me with 17 stitches & 4 fractures in my face, a horrific surgery experience, and 2 months of an eye patch because double vision (i am fine now! but not getting anywhere near a bike for probably a long time)

i became a royal watcher (sorry not sorry)

we watched the americans and i will never be the same

we bought a new car

we renewed our lease and are thus not moving (for the first time in 5 years for me)

life was messy and hard and quiet this year. idk if i'll ever really come back to tumblr, but if you want to stay in touch my IG is aubswright_ and i'm more active there!

i hope you're all well and continuing to smash through miles and books and life changes.

happy new year.

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bliss

is breathing in the city

melting into the sounds

finding your breath

bliss

is bending your body

for the first time in what

feels like a lifetime

bliss

is feeling the wind

whisk your anxious exhales

and carry them away

bliss

is feeling your heart break

and opening up your chest

and letting the pain go

bliss

is finally feeling at home

in your body in this city

in this season of worry

bliss

is your feet on a mat

your hands at your heart

letting the light in you

honor the light

in everyone else

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perhapsarat
Anonymous asked:

When I was younger and reading Order of the Phoenix, I didn’t know that punting meant like boating so when Fred and George make the swamp and Filch has to punt the students across I literally imagined him drop kicking them across

just another day at hogwarts

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the fact that so many people in the notes thought the same and never questioned an adult straight up drop kicking students across a swamp just said what a train wreck this school is 

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notthegrouch

How many people think that Filch, with no magical powers, has the capabilities to kick teens from one end of a swamp to the other?

How many people do not know that a punt is a type of boat, like a british sort of gondola?

The answer is MANY, me included.

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i have used my brain more in the first four days at my new job than i probably have in the past year combined. i am so tired.

about to go to bed before 9:00 for the second day in a row.

it's all very very good stuff but i don't know what anyone is talking about 85% of the time and it is the most exhausting thing.

you know, i probably haven't been this mentally strained since my first week in france all those years ago.

let's just not think about the first time i'm going to be required to go to a meeting in french, i have enough to worry about right now.

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sometimes i get stuck in a place of seeing the half empty glasses, and i forget to have hope and patience.

it still sucks that for the time being i can't apply to fly again, because it's what i hope to do again someday.

but

i accepted a position at a non-profit yesterday (i interviewed wayyyy back in november so i had lost hope it would happen) and i start a week from monday and it is work i am excited about and will challenge me and grow my skill set and it's a normal working schedule and i'm feeling very grateful.

it felt like i wasn't going to climb out of this, but as it always does, the tide turned and things are coming together in ways i couldn't have predicted.

happy saturday!

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some completely unfair things.

all i want is to be a flight attendant again. but training (yes i have to redo training the system is ridiculous, it's one of the unfair things) is 5-8 weeks without pay. we have bills and i can't just not earn money for 5-8 weeks. so because i'm not independently wealthy i can't (re)pursue my dream career.

i also can't seem to be hired to do anything else. so i can't earn solid money again in order to save up enough money to be able to become a flight attendant again.

the cycle is maddening. my resume is in shambles. i feel like i'm in a hole i will never be able to climb out of (job-wise). i'm still not over my decision to leave flying in the first place (it seemed like the correct decision at the time, i'm not going to go into details). i have only myself to thank for being in these circumstances. i really just wish i could have a do-over starting at age 18 where i get a useful degree that i can actually fall back on. (i also have no money to go back to school and am terrified of taking on more loan debt)

i'm just feeling a lot of regret and that i can't make good decisions and it's basically all i ever think about and thanks for coming to my ted talk.

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my brain is a bit jumbled. i've hardly slept this week, and wooowzers am i feeling it. anyway.

i sent three dozen christmas cards this year, which was a joy; i was v surprised to only receive two, one of which was extended family. not sure what to make of that.

we're 88% unpacked and settled in our new place (!!!) but i am 110% exhausted. moving the week of the holidays was not my brightest of ideas, but then again, moving is never one of my brightest ideas when it comes down to it. but it's coming together nicely, our wedding gifts have made our home feel like a real home (we have proper glassware! and camping gear! and quality bedding!), and it's a blessing to be geographically better placed.

my emotions have been all over the place. i'm missing having local friends something fierce. it's been so many years since that was my reality (i have always managed to make friends within 8 weeks of moving away again so yeah). hoping against hope i can find a few solid humans in this transient town we've chosen to call home for awhile.

my best friend got engaged a few days ago and i'm so excited for her. she deserves the kind of love her fiancé gives her. plus i'm stoked for more wedding festivities.

i didn't hit my reading goal for last year (39/45) and everyone posting about their 2018 books on social media is weirdly making me feel badly? it's really dumb and no one's fault but i'm just becoming more and more torn about social media.

i can't change my name until the gov shutdown ends. which means i can't finish the laundry list of other places i need to change my name until the gov shutdown ends. so that's fun.

starting week 5 of training tomorrow at the gym and while it's slow going, i can tell i'm making progress. my stamina is higher and i'm noticing tiny changes in my body as well. v pleased with myself for making the goal a year of consistent effort versus a number/size/etc. i feel so motivated because i just want to get better. it's a very good feeling.

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reblogged

Harry Potter: Everyone Lives

How different would the world of Harry Potter be if James and Lily had lived?

Peter Pettigrew, in the moment it mattered, sacrificed himself to save James, Lily, and Harry. Harry grew up, raised by his parents, his godfather, and an uncle who happens to be a werewolf. This is a story of The Boy Who Lived, but more importantly than that, it is the story of a boy who was loved.

It’s 2019, and I’ve officially completed rewriting 5 books of the Harry Potter series. I know I’m not the only one to attempt this AU, and there are a lot of great versions of this premise out there that do a lot of great things, but I’m very proud of the work that I’ve done, and I hope you’ll enjoy it to!

Things to look forward to in this AU:

  • Sirius encouraging Harry into all sorts of shenanigans
  • Lily decking Gilderoy Lockhart for vanishing Harry’s bones
  • James caring for Harry after the graveyard
  • Remus listening to Harry’s nightmares and helping him understand what’s happening
  • Draco Malfoy finding a unusual mentor, and thus being confronted with some of his prejudices earlier than he was prepared for
  • More detailed evaluation of the wizarding world, its prejudices & social flaws
  • Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, Cedric, Tonks, and more, all lending their voice to certain chapters to provide unique perspectives on events of the books

I’ve had so much fun working on this project. I’ve begun my outline for Half-Blood Prince which, while not as monstrous as The Order of the Phoenix, presents a lot of different challenges for me, which I am excited to meet! I’d love for you to read this AU, exchange headcanons with me and other readers, and just generally re-enjoy the world of Harry Potter with me!

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aubsenroute

HI EVERYONE PLEASE READ THESE BOOKS

My cousin has rebuilt a world I loved into something even more beautiful and fulfilling. It's hilarious and tender and poignant and smart and I'm about to re-read it out of pure joy.

If you love HP, you will love this AU. I cannot recommend it strongly enough.

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didn't wanna go to the gym.

didn't wanna run a mile for time.

laid down on my bed when i got home.

decided i wasn't gonna go.

went anyway.

ran a mile.

did some other hard stuff.

very happy and proud that i did.

the doing of the thing is the thing.

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rubyvroom

Can I watch a great film knowing the actresses in it were terrorized and mistreated the entire time? Can I watch a football game knowing that the players are getting brain injuries right before my eyes? Can I listen to my favorite albums anymore knowing that the singers were all beating their wives in between studio sessions? Can I eat at the new fancy taco place knowing when the building that used to be there got bulldozed eight families got kicked out of their homes so they could be replaced with condos and a chain restaurant? Can I wear the affordable clothes I bought downtown that were probably assembled in a sweatshop with child labor? Can I eat quinoa? Can I eat this burger? Can I drink this bottled water? Can I buy a car and drive to work because I’m sick of taking an hour each way on the subway? Whose bones do I stand on? Whose bones am I standing on right now? 

On one hand, it’s a privilege to be able to choose to acknowledge these horrors or not–we’re going to acknowledge that privilege. On the other hand, I once attended a lecture by the explorerer-conservationist Jacques-Yves Cousteau’s daughter and son and they had a lot of opinions about what we could do to help the environment and the ocean and I talked about how in my country, we have to drink bottled water, because it’s a desert and there’s only salt water all around, but we’re contributing to pollution and all of these things…

And she looked at me and told me not to fall into the trap of “activist guilt.” I couldn’t remember the exact words, but, it was the first time I’d heard the term and it took a weight off my shoulders.

We do what we can. It’s so much better than giving up entirely or not doing anything at all because we can’t do it perfectly. It doesn’t benefit anyone in the end if we just sit around feeling guilty about every little thing in life. I’d just joined tumblr back then (haha, so like, eight or nine years ago at this point?), I was being exposed to way more than I’d ever been before (I was previously just into feminism and animal rights/wildlife conservation/environmentalism since I was a kid), and it was weighing on me.

As long as humans are humans and living flawed lives, many consumed by greed, there will not be anything in this world untouched by evil.

I usually avoid stuff that says it was made in China or other cheap looking knockoffs, out of fear of them being made in sweatshops (now, I know even a lot of big brands use those…), it’s exhausting. Then, I read something about how people who actually lived and worked in those would still buy this cheap stuff and how this shocked the foreigner reporting on it, but they just looked confused like, it’s what they can afford and them avoiding consuming it isn’t going to change the whole system from the ground-up.

… it went on about how “money talks” and choosing where to put your money still feeds the whole capitalist system and is nearly a way of comforting yourself, but you not buying doesn’t mean everyone else isn’t. What needs to be tackled is at a much higher level than any of us can reach.

Of course, I’d still, given the choice, give my money to companies I agree with and I’ll boycott what I know to support awful stuff, but I also feel no superiority over this and know now it’s not as black and white or easy as I thought it was.

This is the same reason that moral purity “you can’t enjoy [x] because it’s Problematic ™” is such nonsense, because nothing is pure. There’s something bad about everything if you dig deep enough. As long as we lived in flawed human societies we’ve got to make the best of what they offer us. If you have the choice and means, please, do support those who do good, but also, don’t beat yourself up over not living up to an unattainable ideal.

No one can. You’ll just make yourself so miserable, you either burn up and stop fighting entirely or you’ll make yourself a non-productive, depressed heap just out of a bleeding heart left unchecked. You can’t make a change to this world if you refuse to engage in it.

catvincent

Purity is one of the worst, most harmful myths humans ever invented.

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i haven't run in probably ten months, haven't lifted properly in six, and here i am running sprints for the second time in three days & pumping out a total of 100 push presses (amongst other things)

hard sweat is my happy place. so glad to be getting it back into my life, along with some barbell kisses on my shoulders 🥰

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hi so i finished reading The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo last night and i can't remember the last time a novel resonated so deeply with who i am at my core. it is a masterpiece. and i feel...seen. seen in a way i never knew i needed to be seen.

bisexual women rule the world. and for all her faults, i am so so glad evelyn hugo was given life in those pages. i want to hug taylor jenkins reid so hard, to thank her for seeing me (us? i think she's maybe the same) and publishing it and doing such a beautiful job with such a complicated, messy, difficult character that i hate and love simultaneously.

i just...representation matters. i've known and preached that for a long time, but i never actually got it until i saw myself represented in a way i've never seen done with any humanity or compassion or understanding.

go read it. it's a stunning book no matter where you fall on the spectrum, no matter how you identify. but my fellow bi girls and guys: this is an important book. not perfect, but important.

everyone deserves to feel and be seen.

(ps thank you @amanda-healthyhappywhole for the rec, this is a top 5 fav of this year, maybe ever)

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