MY THOUGHTS KILL ME

Facts.

Having a chronic illness related to your organs means every little painful thing could be DISASTER and I no longer know what is just a body doing body things.

One thing I really struggle with in explaining my disabilities to doctors or even within the disabled community is that I really have no baseline idea of "healthy" to go off of. The last time I knew what it was like to not hurt all of the time, I was a child. I don't know what it's like to remember things or think clearly or have all of my brain functions, so I can't really explain how the way I am now is different.

This is my normal and has been for roughly half of my life, so how am I supposed to compare it to a "normal" that I haven't felt?

I keep getting told on the internet I'm too angry about disability and ableism.

And I'm like of fucking course I am. How do you expect me not to be angry about people ignoring disabled people's existence at best but more often treating us like shit?

Yeah I'm angry at that and I have every right to be.

mutuals do this

Supernatural. 💯

Use seat cushions! Wear your braces! Sit on the floor if you have to! Ask for adjustments! Use your mobility aids! Take your meds (even in public)!

These things are not embarrassing. What is embarrassing is grown adults not understanding that young people can be disabled.

You can be disabled and young. Disabled and hot. Disabled and angry. Disabled and a fucking superstar. Don't let the ignorance of others stop you.

I hate when I have to use a motorized cart in the store or take my meds in public. I get stared at and judged. Some even comment. Yes I'm young and have a child. Of course you'd assume I'm healthy. I'm not. I'm sick. I'm weak. I'm lucky if I can make it out of bed most days. I do what I have to to survive. Yet I feel like I should be doing more to seem normal. I hate feeling like a burden.

All day every day just went for more test and got referred to more specialist to try and figure out what wrong.

Who the FUCK decided that insurance companies get to decide what’s medically necessary????????

Someone who has never has any significant medical issues. Tell me why I had to wait days for a refill of life saving meds I've been taking for years because the state switched my insurance company. Medicaid is a joke.

no matter what I'm doing it's wrong

no matter what I'm saying it's wrong

like what the fuck I just wanna die

They say we should distance ourselves from toxic people. But what if the toxic person lives inside my head?

sometimes laying in bed and just crying slowly without shaking or anything, just your eyes watering and tears slowly falling down your face,

hurts more than crying so much loud, shaking and not being able to breath.

Because u don't even have an energy to process your emotions anymore.

Why am I always ruining everything like literally everything

I can't help people at all and I'm just fucking annoying them I'm horrible I can't stop crying I don't want to be here I'm so fucking alone literally noone is here

I can't stop crying

im just tired I want this all to stop

im so fucking stressed I'm so fucking stressed I'm so fucking stressed I'm so fucking stressed I'm so fucking stressed I'm so fucking stressed I'm so fucking stressed I'm so fucking stressed