Thoughts on Nessian on my reread of ACOSF
I’ve seen many people say that they were sad that Cassian didn’t say I love you to Nesta. Despite being a huge romantic, this didn’t even occur to me whilst reading ACOSF for the first time. I’m currently on my third re-read and having a six month gap between reads has yet again allowed me to pick up on nuances and lines from Cassian that really prove my point in not being dissatisfied with this.
To be honest, the phrase that comes to mind is inspired by @vidalinav Nessian series “Nesta’s love is quiet,” but I want to argue that Cassian’s love is quiet, too.
There are so many small gestures and emotions that flash across Cassian’s face during the course of the book which make me realise that Cassian doesn’t have to say I love you in ACOSF—it’s just there, silently lapping in a really, truly beautiful way throughout the story. For example, Cassian’s siphons glint when Nesta mentions that a monster tried to eat her in the library: a subtle nod at the magic leaping at his veins to protect her at any signs of threat. It’s also there in the way his hands shake as he rolls up his leather jacket, terrified she’ll not agree to train with him and will continue to make herself ill. It’s there when Cassian looks down at Nesta when she’s offers a slice of herself, admitting that the training and breathing makes her thoughts less loud, and all he says, this beautiful male, is “ah, me too.”
I’d expected Cassian to be a territorial male when it came to his mate, but to be honest, what we actually see if this great, respectful restraint. Cassian loves Nesta so much he tortures himself by holding back from revealing his true feelings, not once giving in to what he wants because he knows Nesta is not ready. He disappears after the bond snaps into place because he knows it will freak her out—a huge, monumental sacrifice to himself. It’s almost as if Cassian is such a hulking warrior, that he doesn’t need to expend this bravado at being territorial. Not when it comes to Nesta. Not when he knows she won’t like it.
Yes, Cassian isn’t perfect. He snaps and says things that he shouldn’t. Sometimes I’d have liked him to stand up for Nesta against Amren (in particular). But Nesta bites at Cassian as well, far more frequently. They speak in the heat of the moment—saying things they don’t mean. I think they both recognise that in each other, especially as the story progresses and we get to the “we’re mates for fuck’s sake.” And that’s my point: both of their love is quiet, underlying even their arguments and when Nesta is driving him away. It’s just there, this never ending stream that’s gentle and loving underneath everything else that is often chaotic and playful and biting. They don’t need huge outpours of prose. They just love one another in a simple way that’s really just beautiful to witness. And that undercurrent is what breaks down Nesta’s icy facade when she finally cries. I’ve seen some people comment that Cassian pressures Nesta into agreeing that there won’t be with anybody else in the Solstice scene, but that’s not it at all. It’s this knowledge that they both have—this ability to read one another from a single glance. That’s what makes them mates. It’s what makes them perfect for each other—finally a worthy opponent.
