🧿

Alright, enough update posts after two years of no posting. I don’t want more than a hundred posts of mine on this blog. I like to keep only what I find is important. Time for another break

Recently. Horrible times, gorgeous days, simple photos through it all to record- regardless

Hello. I am turning 28 years old in a month. I genuinely hope everyone is doing well. Have not been on here in awhile because I fell in love. Am in love. We want to get married and have children together, someday. I hope you all are well and loved, too

not to sound insane but when my most loved and closest friends die i hope they leave their rooms as messy as possible. i hate the idea of neatness around death as nothing about death is neat or folded into corners perfectly. it is dirty and messy and confounding and terrifying and necessary.

i want nothing more than to lay on the bed of my loved ones’ passed and spray their perfume on me and sleep in their clothes and bunch up the comforter that smells of them and pretend they lay next to me one last time, before their body finally lays to rest in the ground or as ash in and on the air…

i wish for them to leave a mess so i can assume they knew nothing of their death, sensed it none, and came to it as they did life, instantaneously and naturally, without true awareness. it strikes great anger in me to think of my loved ones grasping to life when the ether calls. i wish it to be painless and unconscious. like a giving, instead of a taking.

for anyone interested

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

This was always one of my favorite quotes as a kid. I found it at once poignant, beautiful, and somehow encouraging

@milkandhoneyhearted I keep forgetting to thank you for this masterpiece

this man really wrote “historic” under the positives list for staying at a specific hotel because it’s old and looks antique but under negatives he wrote “history” because so many people have killed themselves there

when i rewatched the jane goodall doc i nearly seized when she said something like “but one thing i’ll never be is a defeatist. that attitude serves no purpose, no function. it stagnates and degenerates. watch the world open for you instead” and it took that woman 18 months of patience and quiet until the chimpanzees decided to show themselves to her and share their life. as somebody who was taught to be a defeatist/nearly made to be throughout my life i can’t tell you how much it means to see things like that. it hurts to see people publicize such defeating attitudes when the way hard work and perseverance opens your life for you is unbelievable

there is more to the world than hate. open yourself up to the earth- in that doorway you find safety. the dirt and grass and slowly rotting leaves and moss that make up the forest floor were made for you. the rough soil and sands of the desert and the lapping waves of the ocean were too. you belong here. you were made for this world. it is your home. let it be

my teacher gonna see this and think im an absolute freak but i literally could not cut any of it out

I really was on to something when I said that we are alive forever in each instant and that’s how ghosts are made.. a piece of energy, an emotion so viscerally felt that it is now stuck on a certain track within time, bleeding into the physicality of others. And to hope, to know that ghosts are not only made from fear and rage but from love and incoherent visceral contentment and that those haunts serve as a strange comfort and serve testament to the luck of being.. I have been to the old house and felt the laughter and love that echoes through the air. ‘a tumult of realities arching above each other, inside and outside’. it’s not all hatred and sadness. It’s the sound of love, too

Now this girl gets it