You know the deal. Feel free to change pronouns, add names to blanks, etc. There is some profanity in this one.

• “Why do they always want to do it the hard way?”
• “What can’t we do with an acre of land?”
• “We’re talking softly because it’ll upset the souffle?”
• “You know…like your head!”
• “You think you’re gonna get away from me, but you’re not, because it’s on.”
• “I’m sorry, but who thought this would be an exciting idea?”
• “This is even more exciting than that time I dangled keys in front of my own face!”
• “DON’T fall to the ground like a bloody corpse.”
• “Bad is rad and I’m ballistic!”
• “Oh, come on, it’s obvious. It’s so incredibly obvious.”
• “It’s junk food, brightly colored junk food for the mind.”
• “The orthodox levels on this are most un!”
• “Ah-ba-ba-ba, don’t tell me the problem, I only want to focus on the solution. I see…a banana. Use a banana.”
• “We are not on the same level as them! WE ARE HEALTHY!”
• “This looks like a job for flamboyance!”
• “Yeah! The opposite of what we saw before! The opposite of what we saw before! The opposite of what we saw before!”
• “Hey! You seem very…two-people-ish!”
• “Because that’s funny, right? Right? The correct answer is no.”
• “Punctuation is so wild!”
• “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAAAAT?”
• “Clearly, we are dealing with artistic genius here!”
• “Please get in this evil device which is in no way an evil device. Joke’s on you; it’s an evil device.”
• “What do kids normally do? They make tofu or something?”
• “Stop it! Stop it! Stop trying to sound cool!”
• “All is lost.”
• “You’re so gosh darn wonderful.”
• “I’m sorry, ____. I like your place. It’s a nice looking place.”
• “I don’t care if it’s innocent and cutesy; it’s a piece of shit.”
• “But I don’t wanna laugh, I wanna get better.”
• “If its purpose was to bore the living shit out of us, I agree.”
• “You have to have one before you can lose it.”
• “Wait a minute, so you’re saying that if I jump aboard the bandwagon before it even becomes a bandwagon, I can be one of the frontrunners of the bandwagon?”
• “Redundant much, redundant?”
• “Was I really just a pawn in your lame-ass little punchline?”
• “Is this actually a popular thing and I just never noticed?”
• “My God…it’s full of shit.”
• “Put traffic cones around that apple juice; that shit is lethal!”
• “What is this, just another day at the store for you?”
• “Why are you being so blatant with how evil you are?”
• “Yeah, you know what’s living? Dying.”
• “No, wait, that’s not living. That’s…that’s fucking dying.”
• “I remember it so you don’t have to.”
• “You’re listening to frogs! It’s all a lie!”
• “I don’t know, it means I’m angry!”
• “Gee, does it have something to do with ice?”
• “I just wanna bring love and joy to the world.”
• “I haven’t been this shocked since I found out the secret to living a long lasting life…was breathing!”
• “You know, for kids!”
• “Start off with something innocent and lighthearted and then smash it down into cruel, cruel reality?”
• “I hear it’s a dictatorship where people disappear.”
• “Stay back; I think that’s real ketchup.”
• “That’s so out of the ordinary, I dare call it wacky.”
• “Get off my wet banana!”
• “B-B-B-Bullshit!”
• “Don’t encourage him. You’ll jiggy-jiggy regret it.”
• “Maybe you could start by getting out of the fucking bed.”
• “Well, that’s odd. It’s almost…normal.”
• “Gee, does THAT…SOUND…FAMILIAR?”
• “If we’re going through with this, I want to be prepared.”
• “Fucking bubbles!”
• “Inspire us! Say something stoic!”
• “Oh, by the way, we have to mail this to fifty or more people or else we get bad luck.”
• “I would LOVE to play a game with somebody!”
• “Fuck yeah, sparkle sparkle sparkle!”
• “If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna take the occasional break to look at myself in front of the mirror and cry.”
• “Cause let me tell you, it’s not always easy.”
• “People may die, but stupidity is forever.”
• “Stop calling it that!”
• “So, your argument is…you fucked up, you’re glad you fucked up, and you will continue to fuck up in new and spectacular ways?”
• “I did not just hear that.”
• “Time for a game of disappearing brain cells!”
• “I think he drank the cactus juice or something.”
• “I thought I had these burned!”
• “My heart soars every time. The monotone. The absolute lack of any human emotion. The way he doesn’t even refer to her by her name.”
• “I just remember that it was weird and childish.”
• “I know that it’s just my opinion, but I’m right.”
• “I remember it…but I don’t wanna!”

The most powerful woman in Russia? Hah, I’ve always wanted a friend like that!

different ways to say ‘i love you’. 

• ‘i’ll make you something, yeah? your favorite dish, just for you.’
• ‘let’s get you back to bed.’
• ‘shh, it was just a nightmare.’
• ‘you like this, don’t you? i remember you saying that.’
• ‘i drew up a bath for you.’
• ‘you need rest.’
• ‘you ought to be asleep.’
• ‘i bought two.’
• ‘here. you can have the rest.’
• ‘i thought of you when i saw this.’
• ‘i like your smile.’
• ‘you have a cute laugh.’
• ‘stay there. i’m coming there to get you.’
• ‘it’s okay, i’m here, we’re okay.’
• ‘be careful.’
• ‘look both ways.’
• ‘you mean so much to me.’
• ‘i can’t lose you.’
• ‘i thought i might have lost you.’
• ‘how to you feel about the nickname, (insert nickname)?’
• ‘it looks good on you.’
• ‘i’ll make you soup.’
• ‘ah-ah-ah. you’re sick. you need to stay in bed.’
• ‘are you okay in there?’
• ‘that’s it, that’s it. get it all out. shh.’
• ‘it’s a remedy i knew. helps with your throat.’
• ‘it’s a lullaby. would you like me to sing it to you? would that help you fall asleep?’
• ‘i’m worried about you.’
• ‘what do you want to watch?’
• ‘where would you like to go for dinner?’
• ‘close your eyes and hold out your hands.’
• ‘we’ll figure it out.’
• ‘oh, it’s not big deal. you’re fine.’
• ‘i brought you some medicine for your cold.’
• ‘you’re important to me.’
• ‘this is your favorite song, right?’
• ‘you’re like a son/daughter to me.’
• ‘good luck!’
• ‘you’re like a mom/dad to me.’
• ‘don’t say that about yourself.’
• ‘want to come with?’
• “wow! you look really nice.’
• ‘goodnight, (insert term of affection).’
• ‘it’s okay. i couldn’t sleep anyway.’
• ‘you can have half.’
• ‘come here. let me fix it.’
• ‘your tie is crooked.’
• ‘c’mere. shh, it’s okay.’
• ‘i’m not going to hurt you.’
• ‘can i touch you?’
• ‘can i kiss you?’
• ‘can i hug you?’
• ‘promise.’
• ‘would i ever lie to you?’
• ‘i think you’re very beautiful/handsome.’
• ‘hey, good-looking.’
• ‘of course i care. you’re my family.’
• ‘one more chapter.’
• ‘i love you.’

1. …in the rain.
2. …in the house they just bought.
3. …on the nose.
4. …against a wall.
5. …before going to sleep.
6. …to wake them up.
7. …french.
8. …in their neck.
9. …on their forehead.
10. …on the cheek.
11. …out of happiness.
12. …to thank them.
13. …drunk.
14. …to suprise/confuse them.
15. …because you missed them.
16. …to comfort them.
17. …to stop them from rambling.
18. …angry.
19. …crying.
20. …as a dare.
21. …for the first time.
22. …to tell them you like them.