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hi! I’ve felt a bit too intimate with my own suffering recently - most days are pretty lonely. mind if I ask, what keeps you alive? what makes you want to stay?

Since I was a teenager, I’ve felt quite isolated due to not having a secure foundation built on love and especially trust growing up which has made it very hard to connect with others as I get older so I’d like to think I can understand your loneliness, friend. As humans, connection is the basis for what make us want to continue on living so try and affirm to yourself “of course I feel this way”. Loneliness is not easy. Its very painful. What makes me want to stay is how I choose to love myself / the world around me and knowing that though it hasn’t been eminent in my life, I’ve always known what genuine love looks like because at my core I, as a person, know love and know what it isn’t. It’s embedded in me. I have a clear idea of what love and trust is and maybe that’s why we suffer more. I think being lucky enough to have met my boyfriend, Ben, who sees love the way I do and shares it with me makes me want to stay. His love proves my theory right- there are others like me who can and want to simply love and trust and live in peace. It is so easy and I always knew it could be. Him proving me right makes me want to stay because I know that theory runs further beyond him. He is just the marker for what my mind has always known and what it needed to continue trusting and believing.

I can’t say for sure what it is that makes you feel the most lonely but if I can offer any words of comfort it would be that you’re not the only person trying to find a similar answer or solution. You’re not alone. What you are looking for in others / the outside world exists. It’s trying to find it with the resources and time that are available to us that makes it hurt the way it does. I will be praying for you and hope an opportunity comes to you soon. Something that will make you understand what you are feeling now and give it the clear indication it needs. Trust yourself, my friend. Thinking of you ❤️