Live life with closed eyes & an open heart

in 2018 we start opressing people who like their hot chocolate with water

if youre lactose intolerant you can stay but youre on fucking thin ice

I eat the powder straight from the pack

Hey do you know how horrible what you just said was

Being a millennial is getting buyer’s remorse over a $3.83 pack of oreos.

This is genuinely hilarious but fuckin terrible

Uhm, store brand is $1.98. You bourgeois fucks.

Store brands tastes like shite. I might hate myself but I love myself too.

if that sewer clown makes himself an image of your worst fear before he eats you, i could kick his ass. what’s he gonna do turn into the physical manifestation of being abandoned by your closest friends? gonna turn into an ooky spooky visual representation of catastrophic failure and loss? jokes on you dumbass the only thing im afraid of is myself

Time to kick my own ass. Bitch had it coming for too long

FUXKSJSFJDHD

a true fact about spiders is they can’t run for extended periods of time because they have asthma. all spiders are nerds. even tarantulas. have you ever seen a spider dating a hot babe? i doubt it. spider flashing his cash in the club? nope. spider pulling up beside you at the lights in a lamborghini? never happened. they’ve got so many eyes because they love reading. nerds. all of them.

do any of you regularly think “FUCKKK i started talking about myself again im so conceited” while having a normal conversation with someone 

I’M JUST TRYING TO BE RELATABLE TO HELP EASE YOUR PAIN: a novel