holy crap i guess im sonyakhov trash now

“Natasha very ill

having poisoned herself”

this has been my mental image of this song for weeks now and if i have to see this every time i listen to it then so do you

God, I hope you’re satisfied

Every time someone calls charming a "villain song" I lose 10 years of my life

I’m still writing that thing like for Sonya ruining Dolokhov’s hair with tea cookies, message for Sonya ruining both his hair and clothes with tomato soup reblog for both

You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain

whizzer giving zero shits as he casually strolls up to the baseball game in his sunglasses and leather jacket reblog if u agree

Long Post: why Sonya should have said yes

For those of you in the Great Comet fandom who haven’t read War and Peace yet, I think it’s important that all of you know that Dolokhov, at some point not long after he recovers from his duel with Pierre, falls in love with Sonya, proposes to her, and she refuses him.

Now, during Dolokhov’s gradual convalescence, he becomes notably friendly with Nikolai and discusses IN EXTREME LENGTH his reluctance to develop close friendships with people and his repulsion to women in general.

It’s important to understand that the reason Dolokhov keeps his intimate relationships limited to men and strongly dislikes women is because he has never before met a girl that was pure, loyal, and worthy of his love and trust.

And then he meets Sonya, and he falls in love.

It is literally the only time in his life Dolokhov actually tries to pursue a genuine relationship with a woman through pure love.

He could see that Sonya was pure, loyal, and worthy of trust and full of goodness.  And she was the first – and ONLY – woman to make him feel that way.  Ever.

Sonya refused him because she still loved Nikolai, based on a whim and a half-promise he made to her when they were younger.

She wanted to marry Nikolai and remain LOYAL to HIS promise.

(Therefore, Dolokhov’s judgement was, as usual, impeccable.)

Sonya was loyal, good, and pure – but to both of their misfortune, she still loved Nikolai.

But Sonya and Nikolai?  They don’t end up together.

Sonya and Dolokhov never really meet again, except for when their paths mingle during the Anatole/Natasha affair.  After that, Dolokhov goes back to fight in the war and from what I’ve gathered, pretty much all of his intimate relationships fall apart.  (Except for maybe with Denisov but we’ll discuss that some other time.)

Sonya never gets married, and she becomes a lonely old maid, condemned to a loveless life, unhappy and forlorn.

Dolokhov and Sonya were by no means perfect for each other, but they DEFINITELY could have improved each other’s lives.

EVERYBODY wanted Sonya to marry Dolokhov (even Nikolai!  But with the exception of Natasha, who hated Dolokhov so freaking much she probably would have dueled him herself).  Everybody knew that he would be a terrific husband for her, and everybody was somewhat frustrated that she so blatantly refused him.

Dolokhov and Sonya were two very, very different people.  Part of the reason Sonya refused him was probably because he intimidated and frightened her quite a bit; after all, he was very well-known, formidable, handsome and calculated, and she was shy and gentle and didn’t care for the spotlight.

And Dolokhov is called “wicked” by all those who do not know him, but the thing is, once Dolokhov finds himself endeared to somebody, he will literally “strangle anyone who gets in his way”.  Dolokhov has some definite emotional problems and trust issues, especially with women, and yet he loved Sonya so much he went so far as to ask for her hand IN MARRIAGE.

They didn’t have to be a super-tight couple.  Sonya and Dolokhov could be happily married and still be off doing their own things.  Dolokhov needed a trustworthy, gentle, intelligent woman to be able to rely and depend on, and nothing else.  Sonya needed SOMEBODY to love, right?  She had too large of a heart to be Sonya Alone forever. And she and Dolokhov, if married, would most likely have had children together.  Even if she and Dolokhov didn’t have the most romantic love life, it’s hard not to love one’s own children.  Sonya would have made a great mother, and it would have been so much better for her to end up caring for her own family than to be alone and childless.

And Dolokhov would have been happier in the long run, too.  I am 100% certain that Sonya would help soothe his mental turmoil.  Just being married to her would be enough to help him stop his gambling and aimless womanizing and general self-destructive habits.  Sonya would have softened him out enough for him to lead a more stable life and help him to learn to develop intimate relationships with people (witHOUT sabotaging them later in life).  Also…….Dolokhov being a dad……..is…….the best thing……….

(bonus points for Sonya and Dolokhov’s sister becoming really good friends as fellow shy and sweet sister-in-laws.)

Anyway, those are my thoughts on Sonyakhov. Hopefully I’m not the only one who feels this way!

Crunching Numbers

(Sonyakhov Highschool AU) Genre: Slooooowwww burn, somewhere between angst and fluff Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Brief Drug Mention, Yelling Plot: Fedya accidentally lets it slip that he’s secretly really good at math, and immediately regrets it when Sonya hears. He’s had a crush on her forever. But then, Sonya admits that she’s secretly really bad at math, and what starts as a tutoring job turns into an unexpected romance. A/N: This is long and bad but anyway enjoy I know Sonyakhov is a rarepair but whatever Tags: @jewishcharlottewells @hamiltonlifestyle12 @astrohufflepuff @paper-comet-of-1812

______________________

Fedya Dolokhov was really good at math. But he’d kill anyone if they knew. That was what set him apart from everyone. He was one of the more popular kids, but he was secretly a nerd at heart. He knew that being best friends with Anatole Kuragin was the only reason why he was popular.

This particular Monday morning, Fedya sat silently in class as the teacher handed back Friday’s quiz. The teacher usually announced the scores, but this time he prayed he wouldn’t do that. He tried to do badly on purpose, but the thing was, since he wasn’t bad at math, he was kinda bad at being bad at math.

But today, lucky for him, the teacher wasn’t reading the scores, but simply reading the names and having the students come up and get their quizzes.

“Fedya Dolokhov, come get your quiz.”

Fedya walked up to the teacher’s desk, silently, not expecting anything. He got back his quiz with a 97 on it, but despite the good grade (or maybe because of it) went back to his seat looking shameful. He put the quiz into his bag as quickly as possible, hoping nobody would see it, then pulled out his phone to check his messages.

[from: Anatole] r u coming or not?

‘Coming to what?’ he thought. He had just started typing a reply to Anatole’s message, when he heard a tapping on his desk.

Fedya looked up. Oh no. It was Sonya Rostova.

Sonya was a shy, quiet girl who spent more time reading than she did with her actual friends. She probably would’ve been popular if she wasn’t so nerdy, as she was best friends with Natasha Rostova and Hélène Kuragina, the most popular girls in school, but because of her shy, bookish nature, she kind of went unnoticed.

Nevertheless, she was beautiful. She had long red hair which was usually back in a ponytail, and a shy smile that made her eyes sparkle. Fedya had always had a terrible crush on her, ever since they met in 5th grade, but he didn’t dare tell her that. He wondered why she was tapping on his desk.

“Uh….h-hello, c-can I help you?” he said, practically tripping over every word. He didn’t dare look her in the eye.

“I saw your math quiz.” she said.

Oh no. Fedya didn’t want anyone to know his secret, but especially not Sonya. His chances with her were ruined. Shit.

“Uh… y-you did?”

“Yeah! A 97, that’s great! Much better than I could do.” her voice was confident, but quiet.

“O-oh” said Fedya. He didn’t really know what to say. “Why are you here?”

“Look, I know guys like you don’t usually talk to girls like me, and I understand if you say no, you’re way too cool for me but…”

She thought he was too cool for him? And say no to what? Was she trying to ask him out? Oh god. Fedya’s breath hitched, and his cheeks were burning. “Uh…”

Sonya continued. “I was wondering if you could help tutor me in math? I’m currently failing and I could use a little bit of help….. I can understand if you don’t want to….”

Fedya felt deflated. Tutor her? That was all she wanted? He thought about it. That would be a pretty good way to get close to her….

“N-no, I’ll do it.” he said. “On one condition. Don’t tell anyone else I’m good at math.”

Sonya laughed. “It’s a deal. So, wanna meet up after school to study?”

“Uh sure” said Fedya, blushing madly. He was beginning to like this idea.

The two of them exchanged numbers and went about their separate ways.

Fedya pulled out his phone, erased what he was typing, and wrote a new message.

[to: Anatole] yooooo you’ll never guess what just happen-

He paused. He realized that telling Anatole about Sonya would mean telling Anatole his secret. From now on, Fedya would have to live a double life.

[to: Anatole] what? the? fuck? r u high again?

[from: Anatole] mayyyyybeeeeee

[to: Anatole] I hate y'all

______

Sonya sat in study hall, reviewing her math test. She had gotten a 24. Shit. She and Natasha were in the same study hall period, so they often sat together and worked.

Natasha noticed the displeasure on Sonya’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“I got a fuckin’ 24.” Sonya said. She rarely cursed, but this was one of those times when she did.

“Shit! Don’t tell Marya… If she found out this was the 3rd quiz in a row that you’ve failed, she’d kill you.”

“I know. But not to worry, I got a kid from my math class to tutor me. He got a 97, so he must be pretty good.”

“Cool! Who is he?”

Sonya hesitated. Dolokhov had told her not to tell anyone. That was his only condition. She couldn’t break his trust. She inhaled. “I’ve said too much.”

Natasha looked angry. “Sonya. Tell. Me.”

She knew there was no use keeping it from her. They lived in the same fucking house. One way or another, Natasha would find out. Sonya dragged her out into the hallway, and looked around to make sure nobody was listening.

“Alright. He’d kill me if he knew I told you, but it’s Dolokhov. He doesn’t want anyone to know he’s good at math.” she said, blushing as she said those words.

“Oh.. I won’t tell anyone.. Wait, isn’t he the guy you said you-”

Sonya knew what Natasha was gonna say. She’d had the biggest crush on Dolokhov for 3 years. She had told Natasha and Hélène, and was pretty sure they had told everyone else. The only one who didn’t know was Dolokhov himself. And she knew she didn’t have a chance with him. Despite being friends with the school’s queen bees, Sonya herself wasn’t nearly as popular as Dolokhov and his posse. There was no way he’d ever go out with her.

Sonya blushed. “He was, but I’m over him now.”

“Are you sure?” asked Natasha, sensing Sonya’s hesitation.

“Yes, I’m sure.” she lied.

“Alright. I won’t tell.”

“Good.”

The two of them walked back in to class.

_______

Dolokhov sat on his bed. It was after school. He was supposed to tutor Sonya in an hour, and had been spending the time since he had got home combing out his hair and collecting math materials.

[to: Sonya ❤️] am I supposed to come to your place or are you coming here?

A few seconds later, a reply flashed on his screen. [from: Sonya ❤️] You can come over if u want

He texted back. [to: Sonya ❤️] okay. I’ll be there in like an hour :)

[from: Sonya ❤️] Kk I’ll see u then :)

[to: Sonya ❤️] ❤️❤️-

No, he couldn’t send that. Never. She couldn’t know how he felt.

_____

Sonya turned around in the mirror. Was this dress overkill? He was coming over to help her study, not taking her to dinner. She turned to Natasha.

“Do you think this is too much?”

“No, it looks good but… Sonya, are you sure you’re over him?”

Sonya blushed. “Yes, I’m sure.”

“Alright.”

Sonya went back into her room to get the rest of the way ready. She knew the dress was too much, but she wanted to look nice for him, even if it was just a study date.

A little while later, she heard the doorbell ring. Shit. He was here. She smoothed her hair out one last time and walked down to open the door.

“Hey, you can just come up to my room.”

“Alright.” said Dolokhov, following her upstairs.

He set his textbook and supplies down on the bed, and sat down next to Sonya.

Sonya looked at the first equation she had to solve. 3x + 7 = 2x + 3. This made no sense to her. Sonya was very smart, but math just wasn’t her thing. She didn’t understand it at all. Good thing she had Dolokhov to help her.

“Uh, I don’t get this. Can you help me with this?”

Dolokhov shrugged. “Sure!” he came and stood over Sonya, putting his hands on her shoulders.

Sonya blushed madly “Uhh…”

Dolokhov reached his pencil over to her paper, getting the problem set up for her. “You can do the rest from there.” he said.

Sonya looked down at his work. It still didn’t make sense to her. “Uh… can you help me?”

It went on like this for a while, and every once in a while their hands would touch for just a second.

Eventually, Dolokhov left for the night, and Sonya was left alone. She had nothing to do.

The next week, he came over again to work on math with her some more.

He would help Sonya through each problem, let her try the rest on her own, and then check over her work.

When he checked her work, he would stand over her, the same way he had the first time, and this would make Sonya all fluttery.

Their hands still seemed to play that game of occasionally touching, though neither of them seemed to notice.

_______

Several weeks had passed, and Sonya could feel herself slowly getting better at math. Over the past few weeks, they had covered a lot of material.

She also knew that in the time since, her long-standing crush on Dolokhov had swelled to an all time high. In the past few weeks their hands had played the same game, and over time the touching became less and less occasional.

Dolokhov, meanwhile, felt the same way. He knew Sonya’s math skills were improving, and he also knew that his feelings for her were worse than ever. He knew she wouldn’t need him as a tutor for much longer, and was slightly sad. During the past few weeks, he had spent so much time with her, and now it was coming to an end. Or so he thought.

He had an idea. An idea to make this last as long as possible. It was a crazy idea, but it just might work.

______

It went on like this for several more weeks. Sometimes they would work in Sonya’s bedroom and sometimes they’d work at the kitchen table.

Sometimes after they finished working on math for the day, Dolokhov would stay for a bit and they’d talk, order takeout, and watch shitty movies on TV.

One time Sonya was ready to kill him when he made her watch Shark Exorcist.

The two of them became not only study partners, but good friends, and there was something there more than a friendship on both ends, but neither one was willing to admit it.

Though they both knew it though. Their hands seemed to always play that game, where they touched without either of them knowing.

The occasional hand game became less and less occasional and after several more weeks, their hands were practically connected all the time.

Except when Dolokhov was checking Sonya’s work, because then his hands were rested on her shoulders.

________

After what had been about two or three months, Sonya had gotten to be pretty good at math, and was doing well on most of her quizzes and tests, but Dolokhov insisted she could do better, probably just an excuse to spend more time with her.

One night, they were working at the dining room table, and Dolokhov stood over Sonya, his hands placed gently on her shoulders, helping her with a problem she just couldn’t get.

After a while, he picked up her hand, and moved it across the paper, guiding her pencil.

Sonya blushed madly, the fluttery feeling she got when their hands touched mixing with the warm, flustered feeling he got when he stood over her like this, creating a whole new sensation that she just couldn’t place. She relaxed, letting Dolokhov guide her hand through the complicated math problem.

When she had somehow managed to finish, he looked down at her. “There. You did it. It wasn’t that hard.”

Sonya looked up at him, smiling. “No, we did it.”

Dolokhov smiled back at her, and they stayed there like that for several minutes, each half lost in the other one’s eyes.

Sonya had never stared at him for this long. Dolokhov had very nice eyes. She felt the urge to kiss him suddenly, but she didn’t dare do it because she didn’t know what he would think. What if he didn’t feel the same way?

Dolokhov had been staring at Sonya for quite some time now. He was used to staring at the back of her head, or if he stared at her face, it was from across the room.

He had never before been staring into her eyes like this. Part of him wanted to stop. Part of him wanted to stay like this. All of him wanted to kiss her. He didn’t know what to do, and he didn’t dare kiss her, because what if she didn’t feel the same way? So he stared into her eyes instead, because that was the next best thing.

After a while, their lips collided, and after what seemed like forever, they pulled apart.

“Hah. Sonya, I knew you still liked him!” said a voice.

Sonya and Dolokhov looked up to find Natasha standing over them.

“Natasha I-” Sonya tried to explain, but Natasha cut her off.

“I’m telling Marya.”

“NO DON’T” Sonya screamed, but Natasha had already pulled out her phone.

By the end of the night, Sonya was grounded. She still had phone privileges, but she couldn’t leave the house except for school or church.

_______

That Thursday, Dolokhov looked around his room. He hadn’t seen Sonya since Monday, and he wondered if she was okay. Last time he was over, she was grounded for making out with him, and he was kind of scared to go back there.

He didn’t know if she was allowed to have her phone, but he decided to text her anyway.

[to: Sonya ❤️] hey. how are you? still grounded?

[from: Sonya ❤️] yeah. I prolly will be for a while.

[to: Sonya ❤️] I’m sorry, it was all my fault.

[from: Sonya ❤️] no it wasn’t, Fedya. don’t blame yourself.

[to: Sonya ❤️] I love yo-

No. He couldn’t type that. Not when he wasn’t sure.

A mix of various head cannons I've read from your blog 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ should be sleeping but wrote this instead 🤷🏻‍♀️

“I would die for my family,” she sneered- startled by the fierceness of her own tone.

“And I would kill for mine, see? We’re not all that different you and I.”

She looked at him once. Head to toe. “No.”

Sonya had known what a dreadful idea is was to leave Natasha- contented, giddy, free-spirited Natasha- alone to her own devices. No matter the length of time. But the pounding was unbearable. She could hear the blood pumping through the party-goer’s veins, tainted by liquor and drugs and endorphins. God- she could taste it.

But no soft pushes from Nat would have convinced Sonya to step out for a much needed breather, if she had known she would be forced to contend with this-this rouge. With his sweeping dark hair and sharp features. With his arms held in a universal signal of surrender.

She doesn’t remember the start of the conversation. Just the pounding of her head and the shaking of her palms. She just wants to be able to breathe.

“No” she repeated, “I would be a means of preventing harm. You would- you do- you inflict it.”

Surprise leapt across his features, followed by something akin to guilt, perhaps. “I just- I can read signs that are obviously there. You shouldn’t- a pretty girl like you shouldn’t have to starve herself of blood”

His words were softer than she expected them to be- empathetic rather than pitying. And her retort died in her throat.

It was then Sonya became aware of the sidewalk of the bar, the haze, the distinct fact that they were in broad view, in earshot, of several acutely normal people. Aware of the fact that this was not a private moment, nor a setting this conversation was allowed to take place.

Because though Sonya looked 19 she knew she was not. Though Sonya had been put in the most present fashions, she could still feel the fangs resting against her frowning lips like out of place accessories.

Though Sonya preached restraint, she knew the consequences of reckless feeding- of feeding of any kind. Sonya and Natasha had been part of a legacy of sorts. Part of a family born and bred to feed the Rostova Vampires. A ruling clan of major esteem. Their short term engagements were enough to convince the clan leader they were more than sacks of food. When the engagements fell apart they were cast out. Left with only each other. And god- had they been hungry.

She had seen the lifeless forms after a frenzy. The vague look in a living victim’s eye. And she couldn’t bear it. But she knew he could- and had- and will, which was more than enough to make her push her way past him to fetch Natasha. Enough to pull Nat away from a rather invested blonde, and convince her they needed to get the hell out of dodge.

And though his eyes had filled with concern, though he called after her, Sonya knew of the Kuragins- of their affiliates, their reputation- and she refused to become complicit in any more lives lost. -

A knock at the door at 2:00am would have been surprising. A knock at her window made her jump.

She opened it.

“You’re not allowed in.”

“Yea- I figured. I just wanted to give you this.”

She found herself reaching for the bag he offered. “You stole this.”

He said nothing.

“You stole this from a blood bank.”

He hardly looked shameful at all.

“I can’t take this. People need it-”

“People like you. You need it, Sonya.”

“No I don’t I have-” her breath shuddered as she spoke.

“A vampire living off cows blood is weaker than one regularly feeding on humans. You need to be able to protect yourself at the very least. Protect your family- like you said.”

Without allowing a response, Dolokhov leapt down from his perch on her windowsill and onto the sidewalk. And with a mock salute he took his leave.

Sonya for the life of her, couldn’t understand why her eyes trailed after him or how he had come by her name. But something had shifted, and it felt like a dam was on the verge of breaking.

She went to wake her sleeping sister nonetheless.

IT SUMMONS MAIL EVERYONE TRY IT

HOLY FUCKING COW.

OKAY IT’S TRUE

WHAT

???

I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE

WHAT HOW

I’ve been wondering what message it sends for awhile now, apparently it’s random?

oh?

OH

#lmfao no way #why do i reblog these things #hahaha #urban legends #tumblr myths #im so gullible 

nO FUCKING WAY THIS JUST

gUYS NO JOKE I GOT “motor oil” IN MY ASK BOX I’M SCREAMINH

I HOPE U GUYS DON’T LIE 

THIS SHIT FUCKING WORKS WTF

you’re shitting me

HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORL-

i wanna see what happens

it looks fun i guess

I summon the ask god to my inbox

Yeet, it works

If this works I’ll I will never doubt tumblr again

this better work

i swr if this works imma scream

I swear

?????????

And Everybody Wanna Taste [oak x reader] [NSFW]

Pairing: Oak x Reader

Requested?: yes m’am! “Your writing is sooooo good! It’s rare to find a good smut writer, and you are great! Can I request some Oak smut, please? Reader is jealous of his new co-star because they play love interests. She finally breaks down and admits her jealousy after a night out drinking with a group that includes the co-star. They get home & he shows his dominate side to prove to her that he belongs to her. There’s just not enough Oak fics! Thank you!”

Summary: After hanging around set and soaking in the experience of watching your love do what he loves, you’re startled by the jealousy that blooms in your chest when watching Oak interact with a new costar- one that conveniently plays his love interest, a role you’re used to filling in Oak’s life. Needless to say, Oak brings out your dom/sub roles (see what I did there??) once alone and squashes your doubt.

Includes: all o’ dat sinny sin sin hunnies (a touch of daddy kink but not a ton, mega dirty talk, some dom/sub dynamics etc etc)

A/N: i made myself turned on while writing this?? goddamn sami u need to chill. also, I added in the (fictionalized) role of dolley madison to the show in this fic, as I figured she’d be the best direct love interest for oak to have in the show since he not only plays madison, but dolley and eliza were friendsies irl. hope that makes sense! sometimes you gotta take a bit of creative license

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