I Have an Intelligence of 6, I Know What I'm Doing

Thank you for commissioning me!🌱

Once again floored by your work, thank you so much!!!

Thank you for commissioning me!

My beautiful girl ;-; she’s so perfect

The last remaining commissions that I will post this year <3

~

He’s so pretty!!

Commission.  Thank you very much for your order!🍂

Commission.  Thank you very much for your order!

just a business man

BDG energy

Commission for @mermaidceilidh 🖤🖤

Thank you guys so much!!!! It came out beautifully!

tumblr was funnier when the reylos were just outright lying all the time

i miss this

luke does, in fact, know his biological dad. in fact. most would argue its one of the most well known scenes in the entire series

Not even a star wars fan but this made me laugh

At the annual Houston RenFest we’d always get one or two furries that walk around and every time the general reaction from the medieval roleplayers is akin to  “BEASTS? BEASTS THAT WALK LIKE MAN? FOUL!” 

Last time I went a furry volunteered for an impromptu conversion/exorcism and a guy dressed as a monk gathered a bunch of people and using a Gatorade bottle performed an entire catholic christening while reading off the instructions on his Ipad. When the furry was fully “converted” he removed the head of his costume and everyone in the crowd pretended to freak out and say shit like “GlORY BE HE IS SAVED” “CHRIST HAS BROKEN HIS CURSE”

That’s the best crap i’ve heard in months

“our teeth and ambitions are bared” is a zeugma

and it’s a zeugma where one of the words is literal and one is metaphorical which is the BEST KIND

I didn’t know about zeugmas until just now! That is so awesome, everybody: 

zeug·ma ˈzo͞oɡmə/

noun

ISN’T THAT AWESOME??

#in english class in high school my teacher had us write our own zeugmas in class#and one guy came up with ‘he fell from her favor… and the window’#i am forever looking for opportunities to use that one

She dropped her dress and inhibitions at the door.

What’s this? My favorite rhetorical device showing up on my dashboard?

IT HAS A NAMEEEE!! OH MY GOD!!!

My high school English teacher always explained it with: “He took his hat and his leave.”

We got into a debate in class the other day about Harry and Ginny as an endgame ship (long story, art school is weird) and my teacher made a super good point saying something like

“He didn’t just marry Ginny; he married into the Weasley family. They’ve been his real family for so long that it’s a natural conclusion to his arc.”

Which, like, FUCK, but also conjures the frankly breathtaking mental image of Harry proposing the idea one night at dinner and the ensuing fistfight over which one of the Weasley kids gets to marry him.

Harry: haha so I was thinking about how weird marriage is earlier?? Like, if I married one of you I’d legally be part of the Weasley family by law???? How strange is that???

George, already conjuring a ring: Well all you had to do was ask, Harry

Percy, fighting in the only way he knows how: I can get us the best tax benefits

Charlie, also fighting in the only way he knows how but completely certain he’s going to win: 

Ron: nO ONE IS MARRYING MY BEST MATE

Ginny, already rolling up her sleeves: I’ll fight you for him Ronald

This image, though.

The family that fights over Harry stays with Harry.

*me, owning a strange boutique housegoods/book store selling a variety of mystic, occult objects but no one realizes I live there, this is literally my living room*

How much for this stick I can shake at God?

10 bucks

can i get these three backscratchers with a bundle discount

15% discount for 3 or more

How bout this book? I think it’s look cool with a cosplay I’m planning

40 bucks but never attempt to read or open it

How much is the doll?

Oh that? Just take it. Take it far far away and do not allow it to return

How about this?

$29.99. Just be careful not to leave the candles burning at night, the gremlin comes alive and likes to wander around and go through your stuff

Hey this chair looks cool, how much?

the chair chooses its owner. sit down and see if it likes you

How bout this

Excuse me that’s my great-uncle, he is family

How much for this pocket watch that seems to blink when it’s put down

oh that. great party trick: it bends spacetime, and it also sometimes bends you! 100 bucks if you sign the liability waiver.

y’all: peter was able to stop bucky’s fist in civil war bc bucky heard peter’s voice, realized he was a child, then weakened his punch bc he was so worried about hurting a child uwu

me, eating pistachios: y’all know peter can canonically lift up to 75 tons, right. y’all know bucky’s fist is easy as hell for peter to block, right. y’all know bucky didn’t know shit about peter being a child and was just shocked that someone was able to so easily block his punch, right. y’all know that, right.

naw fuck that bucky’s punches aren’t easy to block, it’s WAY funnier if peter blocked a full force punch from bucky, who only a few seconds later realizes he’s a kid as soon as peter opens his mouth

that’s the face of a man who went from “holy shit he blocked my punch?” to “holY SHiT a 12 YEARoLD BLOCKED mY PUNCH???” in 3 seconds flat.

Next second is “i triED TO PUNCH A CHILD”

Writing is such a weird hobby. 

Like i could be watching a movie, or reading a book, but nooo instead i’m going to glare at my screen for two hours and write three sentences 

I feel so called-out…

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.

THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.

The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.

AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.

THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.

YOOOOOOO

I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT “ITS WORTH A TRY” SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS

LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL

IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS

holy fuck, I didn’t expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever it’s just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASN’T SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS. 

I WANTED TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND I DIDN’T THINK I’D GET DAYS OFF BUT THIS WEEKEND I’M HEADING UP THERE??? THIS IS CRAZY SHIT 

SO LIKE I JOKINGLY WISHED FOR MY OWN LEN KAGAMINE AND THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER I GOT A LEN NENDOROID??? H ELP

WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????

ok I’ve said this before but IM DOING IT AGAIN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS, MY WISH DID COME TRUE SO I REBLOGED AGAIN AND SAID IT IN THE TAGS BUT THEN I WISHED FOR SMTH ELSE AND IT LITERALLY LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE DAYS LATER WHAT THE HELL SO NOW IM WRITING THIS HERE FOR YOU BC I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP BUT STILL IT’S AN AWFULLY BIG COINCIDENCE

THE BOY I FELL I LOVE WITH LEFT TO TRAVEL THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND HAS BEEN GONE NOW FOR 3 MONTHS. WE HAVENT SPOKEN SINCE BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE HIM FEEL TRAPPED TO ME AND NOT ENJOY HIS TIME SO I WAITED FOR HIM TO CONTACT ME FIRST. I SAW THIS ON A PARTICULARLY LOW DAY WHEN I WAS MISSING HIM SO MUCH I CRIED FROM THE PAIN, GUYS I REALLY LOVE HIM, SO I THOUGHT MEH WHAT THE FUCK, AND WISHED HE WOULD JUST LET ME KNOW HE WAS OKAY.

GUYS.

HE FUCKING CALLED ME 20 MINUTES LATER

20 FUCKNG. MINUTES. LATER.

GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN. AND ITS IN THIS POST.

I wish for someone to leave something in my ask.

OKAY SO I ASKED FOR A HEDGEHOG AND NOW GUESS WHO HAS A PET HEDGEHOG

UM I DID THIS LIKE SERIOSLY LAST WEEK SOMETHING BASIC AND IT HAPPENED???

it happened last time oh my god