to die would be an awfully big adventure

i know that "unalive" is part of larger worrying trend of self censorship but if you really are in a situtation where you have to avoid the words "die" or "kill" the english language already has centuries worth of much better euphemisms. the iconic and perennial "six feet under"? the lovely imagery of "pushing up daisies"? "shuffle off this mortal coil"????? literally anything from the monty python dead parrot bit???? you have so many options. please try to be more creative at least

A little story about ghosts, and roommates, and getting to know each other.

Phil's kind energy

New Crow Time 🐦‍⬛🦊🌟

Ma'am this is the space restaurant we only serve bumpy fruit and severed tentacle

that's fine can i get a glass of something bright blue that's bubbling so violently it'd be impossible to take a sip. extra dry ice on the side

congratulations tumblr! here is your car:

Girls will be like “oh I’m just running some quick errands” and then spend all day in the wetlands appreciating the unique flora and fauna

I think the most fun part of monsters inc is boo calling sulley “kitty” and mike wazowski by full government name

simply dont monday

Can someone tell me where these feminine trans guys with massive tits who wear push-up bras and skimpy outfits that I keep seeing transphobes complain about are? I’d love to see massive tboy boobs.

Please can transphobes stop gatekeeping the tboys with massive breasts who wear glam makeup . Plsss tell me where you met these people . They sound awesome .

Transphobes trying to create a caricature of a trans person, every time: Okay so imagine this extremely hot cool person right-

I will care about superhero movies for the first time ever if and only if hugh jackman and ryan reynolds fuck nasty for a truly uncomfortable amount of time in that new deadpool movie

“hey bruh lemme stuff this toilet with ps1′s. im gone kill the tumblr game with this one”

What?

asking myself “could i feasibly parkour in this?” before buying an article of clothing. 

this may or may not be a fantasy writing exercise for me. please reblog

Age-old advice which is more relevant nowadays rather than less. This is the second iteration of it though. The original version is: “Never write anything in a letter you wouldn’t want to see in print.” Advice handed down by my mother from her forbears.

From the IT department. We archive EVERYTHING. And Outlook autosaves every couple seconds.

“Dance like no one is watching.  Email and text like it will one day be read in court.”