bela

— Megan Devine, It’s OK That You’re Not OK

forgive yourself. all you were doing was what you thought was best at the moment. you didn’t have all of the information or awareness that you do now. treat your past self with love and compassion, they did all they could.

yes my feelings are valid but i don't want them

self isolating to cope is great until you look up one day and years have passed and you realise no one knew you when you were 18 or 19 or 20 or 21 and now they never will

the great thing about un-isolating yourself is that you can literally start making friends whenever you want, and most people will continue to do so through the rest of their lives. you will meet new people at 28 and 37 and 43 and 56 and 61 and 72 and 85 and 94 who will love you.

you will spend the rest of your life meeting people who will love you.

I spent my entire childhood hoping someone would love me enough to save me from my parents

No matter how long it has been, it is a tendency I can't get rid of

Things no one tells you about when you’ve been mentally ill for years and it won’t get better

— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )

— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient

— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.

— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.

— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.

— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way

— you’re tired / fatigued all the time. You have been for years now. You simply exist but you aren’t capable of living anymore. Your illnesses have taken everything that made you feel alive. You’re nothing but a shell. A body.

talk about what makes you feel uncomfortable, what makes you feel sad, what makes it hard for you to sleep at night. Let it all out. don’t bottle it up. this might be the beggining of your healing process.

Some vent art I drew :D

so says the crowd

every day i wake up alone in my little creaky beloved bed and I look around with sleepy eyes and realize it’s a “remember, loneliness is still time spent with the world” kind of morning

Text ID: I feel a sadness I expected and which comes only from myself. I say I’ve always been sad. That I can see the same sadness in photos of myself when I was small. That today, recognizing it as the sadness I’ve always had, I could almost call it by my own name, it’s so like me.

let love in. believe compliments. be vulnerable and soft-hearted. tell people you love that you love them. see beauty in everyday things. live life like you’re in a movie. don’t be afraid to begin again.