gamer girl xoxo

rats of the future will avolve into a beast known as “A Lumpy” 

happy birthday gromit

Me: Two dollar store energy drinks and a cookie, breakfast is the most important meal of the day, that's right

My guardian angel, taking the form of Jerma985 as a feeble attempt to get me to listen to him: Do you think maybe coffee, cheetos, chicken would be better

everyone hate my loquacious swag. its always "why did you make this sentence so long" and "why do you use so many commas and em dashes" and never "how did you come up with that run on sentence" or "writing that run on sentence looked fun"

exciting! i hope marriage dies once and for all 🩷

Me, after forgetting to cut the top off an onion before dicing it: “Aw dammit”

The Gordon Ramsey that lives in my head: “Don’t worry there, this mistake isn’t going to ruin anything. No need to be too hard on yourself”

Me: “Wow, that’s…not what I was expecting”

Gordon: “Of course, you ought to know by now that I don’t shout at cooks just to do so. I do it because the people in hit television show Kitchen Nightmares are putting their services out into the public and claim to be good enough to have the title of head chef. You’re just some guy in your twenties making beef stroganoff for yourself and your roommate. I’m kind of a dick, yeah, but I’m not gonna scream at you for a minor mistake like this”

Me: “Oh….well…thanks”

Gordon: “You’re welcome…cunt…”

sorry your kid wouldnt stop naming pokemon in order so we had to flatten em into a sheet of lasagna

i could never be cottagecore. the concrete calls to me

[on the verge of having a complete breakdown] i need to make some kind of list or perhaps sort things into categories

If im reading a 800 page book I should be freed of all other responsibilities in my life. Like sorry I can’t do that right now because im reading this long ass book. Yeah you know how it is

yeah I feel fine, why? oh, my hand tremors? yeah that's just a thing don't worry. yeahh it's a side effect of the dark arcane power boiling like magma inside my veins at all times. it's fine it makes some things hard to do but I get by yknow.

haters will see you rotating the perfect sphere, yet not visually perceive the rotation due to said sphere’s lack of imperfections, and say you cant rotate a sphere

we honestly need to debunk the myth of the “warm pillow and blankie in bed.” the blankie is not warm it is a SCAM when the blankie “keeps you warm and cozy” it is because of YOUR natural body heat that blankie just holds in. thats right. youre doing most of the work and your blankie is taking the credit. but really what can you expect these days

pens scared me as a kid. a pencil that you cant erase? thats fucked up shit to do to a kid man

but then in high school i met her. i never saw anybody like her before. she was cool she was precise she was always smooth. when i first saw the pilot g-2 pen i knew i wasnt a kid any more