a first class let down.

      the fact aaron didn’t see himself as the hottest boy on the planet always got under carter’s skin, but he really couldn’t say anything seeing he hated looking in the mirror more than anything. carter quickly shot him a look, “you’re so hot. stop it.” he playfully snapped as he gently squeezed a beauty blender a few times. the blond watched the boy struggle, a smug little smile forming on his lips, “you’re glowing. that stuff is working.” he teased before shrugging a bit “i just…” he trailed off for a bit as he dug around for a headband before turning back towards him “i just love taking care of you.” he finally finished as he handed him the headband. carter looked down at himself in the viewfinder for a bit, his arms still tightly wrapped around aaron’s shoulder, “just follow my lead.” he nodded nonchalantly pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s shoulder before sitting up straight. “hey sunshines! i’m back with another video and i finally got my mysterious stunning boyfriend to get on camera.” he teased looking at aaron a big smile on his face, “as you all know his name is aaron and we’ve been dating for almost two years now. tell them a little about yourself, babe.”

     aaron melted backwards a little bit once carter started talking to the camera.  he bit into his bottom lip as he watched carter introduce the video, grinning gently.  he blinks at the camera a few times before he clears his throat and begins speaking. “uh, hello,” aaron says in a small voice, “not much to tell, uhm. i’m carter’s boyfriend. i work at an auto shop, uhm. i eat a lot of pizza, and── er, i don’t know anything about any of this. okay, now you talk, love.” aaron giggles, nudging his boyfriend towards the camera a bit and hiding his face in his hands. 

    the massacre was the whole reason they were in this situation in the first place, he often thought about what it would be like if his brother never died. that was the past, he couldn’t live in the past anymore he would force himself to move on. “don’t cry, my dear. they’re with the gods probably collectively making fun of me.” he joked forcing a soft laugh looking up at the sky. when elliot touched him, his brown eyes quickly went to her hand watching the delicate fingers. the only time they really touched each other was their wedding night, he understood why she wouldn’t want to touch him and he wasn’t one to force himself on a women. the boy gently took her hand into his before it could fall back at her side, her skin was soft just like he imagined it would be, “she was too good for this world. the sight of blood irked her and the sound of fighting made her anxious, she deserved better than this.” he rambled again feeling his stomach form knots. thomas couldn’t help but to smile softly at the flower in his hair, he looked up their hands at her beautiful features. “i know i’m probably not your ideal greatest love, my lady, but i promise i will try my hardest to be. you deserve a great love.”

     elliot felt something ripen in her chest that she hadn’t felt in years── jealousy.  right away, she knew it wasn’t jealousy on thomas’s behalf, she wasn’t childish, she wasn’t going to long for the lingering love that thomas had for the lost love of his life.  she was jealous that the girl was so... untouched, by the war.  elliot, a girl who presses flowers into books and sews her own gowns, was swallowed whole by it.  was she even a lady with all of that blood on her mind?  the thought made her stomach twist, but she made a point not to show it.  luckily, thomas grabbing her hand was a welcome distraction from her dangerous thoughts. “great love isn’t ideal,” elliot says quietly, “it isn’t even convenient.”  her cheeks turn pink under his gaze, and she looks down at her small hand in his.  “you have high hopes for a marriage you never wanted, thomas. i can only wish to be as good as a second best can be.” 

   thomas could never forget the night that was suppose to be the happiest night of his life. it was the ceremony before he was to be married to lilah stone, a bastard from the vale, she had striking green eyes and jet black hair that ended at the small of her back. only three families were invited to the celebration the tyrell’s, the bolden’s, and the payne’s it was suppose to be a moment thomas would cherish but now it was a memory that would haunt him forever. her head was rested on his shoulder while they held hands under the table, he was so happy he swore his heart was going to burst from his chest. his brother was giving a speech for him, he mentioned how their love could end the war ( robert was never good with jokes ) but thomas felt the atmosphere change, just as he was going to tell his father everything fell apart. in short, it was a blood bath were two of his brothers, his youngest sister, his beautiful mother, most of the tyrell’s, and his beloved lilah were slaughtered. if his father hadn’t pulled him away from his dying fiancé he would’ve been dead too, his father never forgets to bring that up when he criticizes his war tactics. the tan boy stiffened a bit looking down at the cold and broken dirt, “there will be no sharing. she was killed at our ceremony…a day before our wedding.” he told her trying to keep his voice void of any emotion but he failed. the boy put an arm around her to gently turn her towards the east, he pointed at a small hill his eyes a little vacant “that’s where my mother, my little brother, my brother, my sister, and lilah lie.” so many graves he thought with a small shake of his head. thomas bent down to pull the bright yellow flower from the dirt, “i envy them in a way. they don’t have to put up with this horrendous war.” he rambled before placing the flower in elliot’s hands. “any men i’ll be sharing you with? or any men that’ll try to kill me because i have you?”

     elliot knew that this wasn’t going to have a happy ending when all the blood drained from his face.  it was the same look on her sister’s face when her first adolescent love, the head maid’s son, had been sent off to replace his deceased father in war, at the ripe age of 16. the look of regret, concurrent with that bottomless emptiness that billows out in your chest. she bites into her bottom lip, and looks up at him, feeling her heart break a bit when he explains the situation. weren’t it for the thick space between them. her eyes are on the hill when he places a flower in her hands, tears burning her eyes. “i’m afraid i haven’t had a love great enough to warrant your death, love,” she tells him, her hand reluctantly raising to brush a falling leaf that had gotten caught on his lapel. “i believe everyone deserves a great love.” she says solemnly, tucking the small yellow flower into thomas’ curls, just above his ear. “i’m very sorry yours was taken from you.” 

    the fact that elliot wanted to informed on the war made thomas grin a bit, he didn’t know why but hearing small lady like elliot say she wants to know about the war intrigued him. “of course, my lady. any detail of the war you would like to know, i can and will tell you.” he nodded the grin still on his face, he never knew a women who wanted to be informed on the war. whenever he would bring up the war to lilah, the farmer’s daughter, she would hit his arm or scoff trying to ignore the filth around her. thomas loved how oblivious she was to the world, how she focused more on the little flowers instead of the decaying bodies, she deserved better than this world. once the red head entered his mind his grin had faded, he looked up at the solemn sky which was turning it’s usual dreary grey, “we should get back to winterfell. it’s either going to rain or snow soon.” he could never really tell what the weather was going to be in humble kingdom but it was usually raining, snowing, or a little sunlight. they’re saddening, he turned towards her watching as she examined the flower “would you like to hear the ones i wrote for the farmer’s daughter?” he blurted quickly blinking to see if he really just said that aloud to his wife. after about ten blinks he concluded that he, in fact, mentioned the dead girl he planned to marry in front of his new wife. the boy quickly cleared his throat taking a deep breath, “i really shouldn’t have said that. my lord, that was idiotic.” he chuckled nervously shaking his head a bit.

     “thank you,” elliot says, in a way like someone gave her something she rightfully deserved, rather than a real admission of appreciation.  she was rather aggressive when it came to her fear of being tossed aside. it’s funny, now, that elliot thinks of it. so much has happened recently, that even the flowers she closely examines don’t fascinate her.  she wants to go home.  her sister has been sending her pressed flowers, trying to keep her humanity alive, but the girl had long been swept up in a black hole of self-pity.  sure, she was born to a royal family, not long before the war began, it was only a matter of time before she was sold off as an olive branch.  despite her innate child-like wonder and frantic curiosity, the news that she was going to be marrying a moonstone sent her into a fog of depression that she isn’t sure will ever lift.  her head snaps up when he mentions the farmer’s daughter, and her lips immediately twitch into an amused grin. “my god, finally, finally, i knew there had to be a girl!  you must tell me about her. i’d like to know the story of the girl i’ll inevitably be sharing my husband with.” 

    the moonstone’s were in fact loosing the war, that’s why they made an alliance with the la roux hoping it would give them an advantage in this never ending war. thomas wasn’t fond of war, after the massacre that took place in front him only months ago, though thomas had been in battle many times but nothing prepared him for the brutal killing of innocent people. he remembers that night vividly the music, the food, the wine, he was holding the farmer’s daughter’s hand under the table, sometimes he can still feel her thumb running over his knuckles. elliot’s tone change snapped him out of that nightmare, he could already feel his eyes rolling, “never said you were a child, my lady.” he stated in an emotionless tone as he came to stop. his dark eyes looked the small girl up and down, she was skinny and small, there was no way she could protect herself. “you’re small. you need protection.” he finally said with a simple nod, he started his steady pace back to his home. the happier this marriage will be, he chuckled at the thought of this marriage ever being happy. “you’re from high garden. i’m from the north. this is not a match made in heaven, darling.” he teased with a shake of his head, “it’s in my vows to protect you so that’s what i’ll do.” he told her simply stopping once agin to look deep in the girl’s eyes, “understood?”

     elliot had lost all regard for survival when she was told she’d be marrying the moonstone’s son.  she was sick of sitting around, being the tame wife of a man who had a great deal more power than she did, and was  (presumably)  far  less intelligent as she. just as well, she didn't like being called small, but she couldn't deny. He was nearly a foot taller than she was, and even her apothecary told her that she was dangerously underweight. in her defense, she'd given up many a meal in her home land to feed the impoverish commoners who couldn't afford to eat. perhaps in this land, she could put enough meat on her bones to defend herself. "from a sword and hand, yes. from knowledge, no. i'd greatly appreciate being well informed on the war at all times." the mention of the vows made her uneasy. in her land, vows are between a husband and wife, written in love, a collection of marital promises made in love rather than legality. "our vows are hardly a promise," the girl mumbles quietly, kneeling to closely observing a wild flower that grew from a rather dead and dreary patch of dirt. "they're a contractual agreement. they're.... well, thomas, they're saddening."

   the atmosphere was different, too different, it made his stomach twist a bit. samar stood in front of the rice screen taking a deep breath, waiting for her to explain why he was here at such godly hours. janet was his best friend, she knew everything about him, she knew his dark secrets and his all his isms. he liked to believe he knew everything about janet but she threw in some surprises from time to time, that’s what he really loved about her, how unpredictable she was. “well of course you do, that’s why i’m here.” he teased sarcasm dripping off his words. he was hit with a wave of worry when he heard her words, “janet…” he started in a concerned tone before taking a step back “what did you do?” 

     janet pressed her lips together in a thin line as she stepped out from behind the rice screen, looking frantically around her cluttered room for some sort of jacket or sweater to put on.  she finally finds an ancient jean jacket that she’d  adopted  from samar a while back,  and pulls it on slowly, flicking her hair out from where it got trapped beneath the collar.  “jesus, samar,”  she scoffs, not liking the daring tone in his voice when he asked what she did.  “i didn’t fuckin’ kill anyone, i’m not crazy─” she argues, before cutting herself off, and deflating a bit as she sits on the edge of her bed.  all things considered, her room  (sporadic clutter notwithstanding)  was cleaner than it normally is.  in a fit of uncontrollable panic and shaking, she’d managed to clean it up a bit, in efforts to keep herself busy.  she opens her mouth to speak, but she just whimpers a bit and holds her hand over her mouth while she takes a few strained breaths.  “something bad happened, samar,”  she mumbled, putting her face in her hands.  “after you guys left the party last night,  i...  i let this guy make me a drink, a-and i think it was spiked,”  she bites down on the thick sleeve of the jean jacket to keep from sobbing at an uncontrollable pace.  “i think....  something  happened,  i──  i need to go to the hospital..” 

     @unfcrgivablecurse  !!  

     not a fiber in anthea’s body wanted to be at this bar.  she’d only been home from school for two days before her brothers decided she’d gone  ‘soft’  and insisted that she tag along to some absurd bar an hour away from their apartment.  she protested, but ended up being dragged out of the house anyway.  of course, three hours and one-hundred sleazy guys trying to get laid later,  she’s elbowing her way out of the bar and onto the sidewalk, bursting from the glass doors and immediately taking in a breath as deep as she could.  she steps to the side and leans back against the brick wall, immediately realizing she had accidentally leaned on someone’s shoulder, causing her to jump forward abruptly, her heart pounding a mile a minute. “i’m─ i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean──  i’m sorry.” 

I’m finding myself hella busy these past few days so v o m i t but i’ll be on tonight. ♥

I found the rooms betweenthe violence of comets. I threw myself into anything’s path. Even the skybent around me. How lonely to be something that nothing wants to kill.  

i’m a poetry hoe today

tag drop | carolina ─ ☂ you were so afraid of my voice. |