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In which Chum tries to be healthy

@chubbychummy / chubbychummy.tumblr.com

Welcome to my shitblr, where I post about eggs, sharks, poop, and social issues. No pronouns/Chum preferred, but they/them work if necessary.
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I'm still all >///< about last night

it was just super nice to be LIKED. Like I give affection quite freely and I'm a very loving person. I'm also very capable of caring very deeply.

I've had cute intimate friendships and more intimate intimate friendships, but they have always been sort of just that. Just haven't had someone really desire me. Hard to explain cuz obviously it's not just physical. Being with someone who is nice and who sees ME as a person, and having that person enjoy me? like really really enjoy me?? im just so crey

there is just something so heart-pangy about someone who actually wants me. Idk I feel like I haven't had someone see me, and care for me, and want me since my very first relationship when I was like 15 years old. Literally half a lifetime ago.

I'm glad where I'm at mentally now as an adult is so much better than when I was 15, where I know I'm amazing and I'm worth so much and I'm a cool ass human being, but also like, being this rad ass human being while just spending years and decade(s) not having someone is like...idk. At some point, I just start to wonder why? Why can't I have this? Why don't I get to have this? I wonder just...why can't I be loved like I love?

hmmm anyhow lots of thoughts and feelings. like touching. Touching is so fucking different when someone wants to be touching you. Like. I understand it bc I've felt that. But I've never received it. Just hits different, man.

I also got all in my head with like...why do they like me? and I don't even remember what they responded, but it hit in all the right ways. They think I'm funny - I make them laugh. They love hearing me talk - I have such a unique perspective on things and make them see things in ways they never saw before. I'm really cool and interesting - fuck yeah, I am. I don't remember what all they said, but it was all stuff I didn't expect to hear but it was?? so great?? because like I agreed with it all?

and man idk this just makes me happy and appreciative to be an adult rn. I've grown so much in the past 15 years, coming to know myself and be okay with myself. It just feels SO GOOD to be seen and to be appreciated and wanted.

this is kind of what I've always wanted

#chum#yeah goodbye I'm just crying#man I hope so fucking hard this is real and this lasts and they stay this nice forever#I just want to be loved
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Sitting at about 59kg but feeling okay

I've been trying to start a jogging and handstand routine. So far there is progress! Been at it for about two weeks now.

I can come off the wall sometimes but inconsistently. I do notice I'm more graceful when I'm kicking up tho.

#chum
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reblogged
gay-impressionist
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sophie-frm-mars

I am once again thinking about digging holes

It's so fucked up that digging a bunch of holes works so well at reversing desertification

I hate that so much discourse into fighting climate change is talking about bioenginerring a special kind of seaweed that removes microplastics or whatever other venture-capital-viable startup idea when we have known for forever about shit like digging crescent shaped holes to catch rainwater and turning barren land hospitable

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smalleststories
#holes#desert#climate change#desertification
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reblogged
hoiist
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hatingongodot

No one ever told me you're not supposed to microwave fish or whatever at work bc it "smells bad" I grew up with an incurable case of being Asian and unfortunately what people consider "pungent odor" I consider "Mm someone's eating tastey food"

Like I avoid doing it so as to not be a dick generally speaking but also like I still think other people need to be more normal about fish smells generally. "ewww it smells stinky how can u stand it" idk man! Coastless behavior

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hatingongodot

I think I'd be more cool with it if white people stopped veering into race science every time they smelled a crab that wasn't deep fried. "Do you ORIENTS not notice how GROSS the smell is" I am plunging you into a vat of phu quoc fish sauce until you apologize for the opium wars

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hatingongodot

Anyway I'm bringing this up bc I was asked to stop microwaving my doenjang jjigae and I was like "BUT THERE'S NO FISH" and they were like "Yeah but it smells pungent" IT SMELLS GOOD! SUCK ME FROM THE BACK

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