These aspects mean that being a partner, so being in a relationship, in a couple, is the best way in which you can express yourself, it is your natural state, so it may have a central and predominant part in your life (so maybe marriage too). However, there is a fundamental conflict, a gap, between what you need and what you usually get. Basically, you need a partner who is passionate and intense, both strong and secretive, and, most importantly, someone who does not betray you and does not make a fool out of you. But you also have a strong fear of rejection and need of acceptance by others, so in a relationship you tend to deny yourself in order to get this approval, giving a lot of power to your partner, tending to accept and forgive his/her betrayals, something that is completely not in your nature and opposite of what you need in a relationship, ending up having feelings of jealousy and possessiveness, that actually are not in your nature and that make you feel ashamed not only to show them but also to feel them. This not only weakens you, increasing your need of acceptance and tendency to reject yourself, but there is also the risk of (or better, the tendency to) ending up in a pretty abusive relationship. Combined with the fact that sometimes you may have the tendency to desire to “possess” someone just for the sake of obtaining him/her, also moved by the fact that being in couple is the state that you naturally search for, you may end up with someone who is actually not right for you and is unable to give you what you really need, bringing your healthy need of attachment to a point where it becomes unhealthy and may lead you to become very dependent from your partner, or actually from being a partner, being part of a relationship, again with the risk of remaining in abusive situations. Another conflictual aspect is your need for attachment and a strong and passionate partner combined with some kind of rejection of the eros (for reasons that only you can know and understand) and feelings of shame for any kind of natural need for intimacy and depth contact, and thus also being uncomfortable around those who shows their passion and attachment (so again you tend to get away from them and get closer to the “wrong” kind of people).
Finding out the roots of this feelings and behaviours and especially accepting this part of yourself, which is natural and positive, may lead to the understanding what you actually need and to stop denying yourself to be accepted, finding out that your best self can be actually expressed in a relationship if it is the right one.
