SHAME & SOCIETY

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Previously, on Three’s Company:

This is how society arrives at an absence of faith. It’s no coincidence that Chad executed his scheme as a tourist: that meant there were no witnesses to his character. It’s no coincidence that he picked a nervous brown-eyed waif—someone with too much self-doubt to trust her instincts, someone who draped herself in the trappings of goodness, someone too inexperienced to know that perfect is always a trap. But Christine was chosen because she was deaf. She couldn’t hear voices, she could only see the words. Now the words are gone. The question is what remains.
I’m not sure why you and TLP need to bang the drum so hard on “fetishising superficial attributes of your partner and not seeing them as a whole person is bad for them and bad for you”; I mean sure, you’re not wrong, but how many times is it necessary to repeat this in almost identical phrasing?

This is a specious reading for which I accept full responsibility. I know my style sometimes distracts from substance. I promise my intent is not to obfuscate or show off. This is just how I think when I think out loud. I’ll try to enunciate my words.

THE FALSE NEGATIVES

In The Company Of Men (1997) opens in an airport where two middle management guys have just arrived: a bespectacled seborrheic named Howard, and an ex-jock good ol’ boy named...Chad.

Howard walks out of the bathroom. He’s been hit, by a woman, just for asking the time—like, Mountain or Central. “Wait, wait. You're telling me about some sort of unprovoked assault here?” Chad says, “Did she give you the time at least?” 

Howard doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t even seem to recognize it as a joke. And therein lies the problem, for him and everyone else.

THE FALSE NEGATIVES: INTRO

If they could have believed that these images only obfuscated or masked the Platonic Idea of God, there would have been no reason to destroy them. One can live with the idea of distorted truth. But their metaphysical despair came from the idea that the image didn’t conceal anything at all, and that these images were in essence not images, such as an original model would have made them, but perfect simulacra, forever radiant with their own fascination. Thus this death of the divine referential must be exorcised at all costs. (Simulacra and Simulation)

HYPOCRISY IS BAD, BUT YOU’RE WORSE

“I like the Walrus best," said Alice, "because you see he was a little sorry for the poor oysters.” “He ate more than the Carpenter, though,” said Tweedledee. “You see he held his handkerchief in front, so that the Carpenter couldn't count how many he took: contrariwise.” “That was mean!” Alice said indignantly. “Then I like the Carpenter best—if he didn't eat so many as the Walrus.” “But he ate as many as he could get,” said Tweedledum. This was a puzzler. After a pause, Alice began, “Well! They were both very unpleasant characters—” (Through the Looking-Glass)

THE GENDER NULLARY

Trigger warning for everything that follows: the coddled, over-sensitive, “triggered” millennial crybaby does not exist. Hold your applause—the COSTMC is an oxymoron because coddling does not sensitize, it scleroses. Have you met these people? They can’t feel an emotion without an audience and a week to rehearse. The performative offense of this group results from high emotional tolerance, not low; sad-rage is heroin to everything else’s Motrin, and no matter how vast the safe space, some kids are gonna hang at the outskirts hoping to score.

Of course, even the phoniest opportunist has a few real triggers—the type that precludes rage because you’re numb in the fetal position. And of course, there are many uncoddled e.g. traumatized people who are genuinely vulnerable to the many, many instances of genuine cruelty and callousness.

Every community with a code of conduct is a safe space to some extent. My lawyer advises no comment on whether safe spaces are good or bad in principle, because it depends: who is being included, who is being excluded, where will they go, and who is enforcing the rules.

My concern is the way these debates are settled. And when the excluded protest against political correctness—that human resources plot to merge all safe spaces under one state capitalist thumb—they ditch culture war bushido and strike at whomever can be hurt the most.

YOUNG ADULT FICTIONS

Slate Star Codex, “Some groups of people who may not 100% deserve our eternal scorn,” defending Harry Potter political analogies:

Comparing politics to your favorite legends is as old as politics and legends. Herodotus used an extended metaphor between the Persian invasions of his own time and the Trojan War. When King Edward IV took the English throne in 1461, all anybody could talk about was how it reminded them of King Arthur. John Dryden’s famous poem Absalom and Achitophel is a bizarrely complicated analogy of 17th-century English politics to an obscure Biblical story. Throughout American history people have compared King George to Pharaoh, Benedict Arnold to Judas, Abraham Lincoln to Moses, et cetera.
Well, how many people know who Achitophel is these days? Even Achilles is kind of pushing it. So we stick to what we know – and more important, what we expect everyone else will know too. And so we get Harry Potter.
“But a children’s book?” Look, guys, fantasy is what the masses actually like. They liked it in Classical Greece, where they had stories like Bellerophon riding a flying horse and fighting the Chimera. They liked it in medieval Britain, where they would talk about the Knights of the Round Table slaying dragons as they searched for the Holy Grail. The cultural norm where only kids are allowed to read fantasy guilt-free and everybody else has to read James Joyce is a weird blip in the literary record which is already being corrected. Besides, James Joyce makes for a much less interesting source of political metaphors (“The 2016 election was a lot like Finnegan’s Wake: I have no idea what just happened”)

Hoo boy did he walk into that one.

THE SOUND OF MANY ONE HANDS CLAPPING

All of the blind men trying to describe the alt-right elephant seem to agree that anti-political-correctness is part of the picture. Maybe anti-PC isn’t the most important issue to any one alt-righter, but it’s the stance that is most widespread among them, sensitive but not specific. Okay. Why?

THE HYPERREAL GRAMMARIAN CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE HUMAN RACE

Wittgenstein:

A proposition may well be an incomplete picture of a certain situation, but it is always a complete picture of something.
Scepticism is not irrefutable, but obviously nonsensical, when it tries to raise doubts where no questions can be asked. For doubt can exist only where a question exists, a question only where an answer exists, and an answer only where something can be said. (Tractatus Logicus-Philosophicus)

We thus derive the first law of comedy, that which allows it to travel faster than light. By the logic of a closed system: if the set-up exists, then so must the punchline.

The Tower

hey man there’s a hole in my head where information goes

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1 And the whole earth was of one language and of one speech.
2 And it came to pass, as they journeyed east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there.
3 And they said one to another: 'Come, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly.' And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for mortar.
4 And they said: 'Come, let us build us a city, and a tower, with its top in heaven, and let us make us a name; lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth.'
5 And the LORD came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded.
6 And the LORD said: 'Behold, they are one people, and they have all one language; and this is what they begin to do; and now nothing will be withholden from them, which they purpose to do.
7 Come, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech.'
8 So the LORD scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth; and they left off to build the city.
9 Therefore was the name of it called Babel; because the LORD did there confound the language of all the earth; and from thence did the LORD scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth. (Genesis 11:1–9)

In Sunday School or Illustrated Classics, we are taught that God punished humanity for hubris, for daring to disobey Mesopotamian zoning laws. That’s not what it says here.

The Subprime Directive

no one likes us / i don’t know why

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Trying to extract useful information from the 24-hour thinkpiece cycle is like trying to learn English by listening to low fidelity death metal: the signal to noise ratio is very, very low. (Admittedly, kind of a silly comparison—one imbues the audience with depraved bloodlust for unspeakable atrocities, the other is a genre of music.) The cacophony of 40,000 anhedonics exhausting every topical combination of syllables would be enough to institutionalize the Dalai Lama; words are infectious; once you find yourself forming political opinions about internet memes, your life is game over, A + B + Select + Start. I mean damn, I love pattern matching as much as the next former toy-sorter, but sometimes it’s okay to accept that a cigar is a cigar and a butterfly in New Mexico was having a bad day.

If you do want to stay “informed,” instead of doing something worthwhile like working at a soup kitchen or practicing the yo-yo, my advice is that you train yourself to zoom out. No one post-puberty will make a significant error of deductive reasoning. Nothing horrifies a teenager like hypocrisy: the first thing we learn out of Eden is how to circle A —> B around into Z —> A. Logic is easy, ask any expert on Aether. Nor will anyone worth rap battling commit a decisive factual error. Our flat earth has enough case studies to support even the most whacked ideology, ask any schizophrenic. Further, we humans of latitude have practiced the art of the squeal since our first lung expansion. We may be terrible at diagnosis, but we are the GOAT at identifying symptoms. So when you roll up your sleeves to shadowbox with a Bad Argument, you are going to face an internally consistent worldview backed by genuine hurt and fitting examples. This is why change is so difficult, and why other people are so infuriating: the problem is not bias, it is incompleteness. The only way out is to spot what is not included, the lie of omission, which requires perspective. Any given data point is both true and meaningless, a straight line across points makes you Nostradamus. Most arguments are nonsense, but when everyone chooses the same type of nonsense, that tells you something very interesting indeed.

With this methodology in mind, it is my contention that three of the most prevalent post-election news trends are designed with a single goal in mind: to prevent you from looking too closely at this picture—

—while humanity gets crunched into Google AdWords and fed to Cthulhu. The end of all things will be search engine optimized, at least we can take comfort in that.

Modern Romance

everyone needs a little negative space

(spoilers for all movies discussed)

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The advertising campaign in the weeks leading up to the 2017 Oscars—that is, the #Oscarsowhite boycott, low budget underdog Moonlight vs. slick self-congratulatory La La Land, lines drawn based on tribal identity; “I even talked to a voter who gave Moonlight his top vote, sight unseen;” tension building up to a stunning (!!) last minute twist; an insipid academy in which Sean Penn is a voting member “held to task” instead of the people with actual power, i.e. the studios, i.e. us, the viewers—was annoying, to say the least. 

Even so, I am grateful that I will only have to hear “Best Picture winner” and “La La Land” in the same sentence once.

What does white people courtship look like in the age of the internet? Well, OKCupid and asphyxiation, but it’s hard to make a musical out of that one. So what is romance supposed to look like? According to Hollywood: love is someone who makes it so you never have to talk to anyone else.

Newton’s Third Law Strikes Again

the villain took on many forms

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Back when the first season of Orange Is the New Black dropped—history blurs, but I think this was the Bronze Age—critics argued that Piper Chapman, the rich/cis/white/hetero protagonist, distracted from the more interesting and important stories of the show’s minority characters. I stopped watching after the fourth MDMA cuddle episode, but the anti-Piper argument is still going strong. Google gives me: “‘Orange Is The New Black’ Has A Privilege Problem”, “Orange Is the New Black's third season has a Piper problem”, “Is Piper Chapman Actually the Worst? A Season-by-Season Assessment”, and “‘Orange Is The New Black’: 3 Reasons Piper Should Be Killed Off.” The only mainstream defense I can find is written by a man (read: problematic) named Todd VanDerWerff, a defense so mawkish and feeble (“I know many of you disagree with me, so flame away”) that it seems designed to lead the reader to the opposite conclusion, #PiperSucks.

And I agree: Piper does suck. That’s what’s suspicious. When everyone agrees, everyone is asking the wrong question.

Questionable Content

tagline: “we’ve all been there.”

I.

Washington, DC (January 26, 2015) - It seems harmless: getting settled in for a night of marathon session for a favorite TV show, like House of Cards. But why do we binge-watch TV, and can it really be harmless?

Utilitarianism v. Justice

The classic set-up: a #superrichkid in pastel board shorts downs a fifth of Cristal, starts up his dad’s Jaguar, and delivers ½ mv^2 to a trio of Girl Scouts. Sentence: six months in a rehab center that used to be a Hyatt. Clickbait vultures catch the scent, compare/contrast to an economically disadvantaged African-American who’s serving a decade in the Gulag for smoking a joint before his dialysis appointment.

Conclusion: the American justice system is racist, classist, and ableist. 

And I agree: the American justice system probably is racist, classist, and ableist. But there’s a more insidious—and harder to solve—problem. Hard problems are rarely the result of malice or even stupidity. They are the result of ordinary people doing what they are told.

someone ought to go to town on this post.

Wait, how does arresting people before they’ve actually done anything wrong help? This is obviously the focal point of the entire essay and I feel it hasn’t been adequately defended. Having an arrest on your record labels you as a criminal and makes you more likely to identify as such. (Does anyone here know they name for this phenomenon?) If we already send people to prison for marijuana use, how much room do we have left or escalate when someone commits murder? How can you have a functional justice system if the people you’re policing don’t accept your authority as legitimate?

Good points all around.

@wirehead-wannabe​​: I don’t think sending people to prison for marijuana is a good idea. There are less stringent options available (fines? mandatory D.A.R.E.?), but “whether these rehab/deterrence techniques are worth the cost is, obviously, a matter of debate.”

However, there are cases where “arresting people before they’ve actually done anything wrong” seems reasonable. @serinemolecule mentions DUIs: a 0.20 driver hasn’t hurt anyone yet, but has a high risk of doing so. The justice system deems it acceptable to preemptively punish him in order to prevent this harm.

(Technically, selling nuclear weapons is a victimless crime.)

The same logic is used against marijuana users. Your average manbunned Boulder resident is not going to become El Chapo, but people who sell marijuana by the ton often have a shady past/present/future. Our punishments increase commensurate with the kilogram.

And if you agree with the justice system that “risky people” should be punished based on their risk, you may find yourself agreeing to some ugly disparities.

@ranma-official: Let me officially state that I do not endorse long prison sentences at hellscapes.

However, are you sure that they don’t prevent recidivism? If you’re sentenced to life in prison, you will not be able to perform Grand Theft Auto.

In a semi-ideal world—i.e. ignoring the way prison hardens criminals—you should give a unlikely-to-rehabilitate defendant a longer sentence, both increasing the deterrent dose and preventing a few more years of potential crime.

(A lighter example: you should give a heavier fine to a text-and-driver who shows no remorse; the fine isn’t going to have much effect on the already repentant.)

@alexanderrm​​​: Fine, there are other reasons the government punishes victimless crimes. Like keeping a high IQ, sober workforce—except that’s still lopsided, note that white-collar jobs don’t get drug tested. Also, to kill good vibes and immanentize the eschaton, but that goes without saying.

And yes, my argument is exactly “utilitarianism disproportionately punishes those who are most likely to commit crimes [even if those people have done nothing wrong except have the wrong demography].” If you’re cool with that, vote Nixon '68.

@jbeshir​: The first part of your argument is, essentially, “Humans are not very good at utility calculations.” I agree. But it seems like you’re throwing the baby out with the water utility. Consider the legal distinction between first degree murder and voluntary manslaughter. It’s hard to find a convincing deontological reason for distinguishing between them: “Thou shalt not kill, unless thou art really mad.” But utilitarianism resolves this easily: the guy who Dexters his homicide is more likely to do bad stuff in the future.

Do you disapprove of all context-dependent sentences? Should someone on his tenth offense be punished the same as someone on his first?

If you stick to your guns and claim that all such distinctions are naive, fair, but this is the naive utilitarianism that is actually being used by the courts today, and this is the logic behind its use. Write a letter to Congress.

You and @misanthropymademe​​​ are both correct: it was sloppy of me to say that the harm of public distrust is impossible to calculate. (Although I imagine “the cost of public distrust specifically due to sentencing disparities between privileged and not-privileged” would be a doozy for Wolfram.)

To clarify: I didn’t write this essay to defend the current system, nor to uphold it as an exemplar of utilitarian thought. I wrote it to explain the logic behind otherwise opaque injustices, a logic which seems to stem from (perhaps imperfect) utilitarianism.

Moving forward—my gestalt is that some degree of context-dependent sentencing is necessary, but that our current justice system allows far too much leeway. Most real crimes should be deontologically fixed to their punishment; most victimless crimes should not be punished.

If anyone has a better solution, I would be pleased to hear it.

Utilitarianism v. Justice

The classic set-up: a #superrichkid in pastel board shorts downs a fifth of Cristal, starts up his dad’s Jaguar, and delivers 1/2 mv^2 to a trio of Girl Scouts. Sentence: six months in a rehab center that used to be a Hyatt. Clickbait vultures catch the scent, compare/contrast to an economically disadvantaged African-American who’s serving a decade in the Gulag for smoking a joint before his dialysis appointment.

Conclusion: the American justice system is racist, classist, and ableist. 

And I agree: the American justice system probably is racist, classist, and ableist. But there’s a more insidious—and harder to solve—problem. Hard problems are rarely the result of malice or even stupidity. They are the result of ordinary people doing what they are told.

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