archaeologists in movies: cool, collected, sexy. 

archaeologists irl:  lick stuff, tired, make super bad jokes

why is this sentence written with such perfect comedic timing

You cant cough if your dead

Can’t be tight if it’s liquid. 

Bernard the Arch Elf being extremely adorable in The Santa Clause 2 (2002) 

me : * gets high on classical music *

how do you get high on classical music

…… i kinda wanna hear what they are playing

hey duck

youre no good duck

ya just like ya fatha

Yesterday I went to buy some yarn and so you know how annoying it is when fucking people put those stupid bullshit “don’t use this, wool is murder” PETA stickers on the label?

First of all, stop defacing stock in someone’s store. You’re not clever or saving the planet or anything. You’re making it hard for customers to shop and see the info they need on the label (yardage, weight, dye lot)… You’re making employees spend hours peeling the damn things off, and in some cases, you’re causing damage to the label and or yarn itself. That means loss to the company, which affects employees who probably make minimum wage, you shit bags. You want to make change happen? Contact corporate, you fuckhead. That’s where decisions are made.

Second of all, wool is not murder. Are you fucking stupid? (Obviously the answer is yes). It’s a fucking haircut for a sheep. They’ve been domesticated so long that if we don’t sheer them, it’s bad. Yes, some sheep don’t live in ideal conditions. Got a problem with that? Going to a yarn store and putting stickers on things isn’t going to change it or the minds of customers. For fuck’s sake, you absolute cockwomble, go to the yarn companies. Make them use wool providers that use humane conditions for their yarn, like A LOT OF YARN COMPANIES DO.

And third of all.

You. You precious, empty-headed little shitnugget. You complete and total sawdust-for-brains.

You put your fucking stickers all over acrylic yarn.

There’s no fucking wool in there. It’s all synthetic fiber. Basically, it’s plastic.

You fucking dumbass.

I connect with this post on a spiritual level

My boyfriend talks in his sleep and because he’s bilingual, he says some hilarious/weird/sometimes creepy shit. I ask him every morning if he remembers saying this stuff and he has no idea about any of it. 

Here are some of my favorites:

-”Babe, can you please turn down the brightness of your skin” -After stealing all of the blankets: “This is my right as a human” -After I take the blankets back: “I don’t want your freedom, America. Just blanket” -Sometimes he just says “Hello?” as if he’s answering a phone call -One night he just said “Cabbage” which is weird because he doesn’t know the english word for that when he’s awake.  -After spooning me: “You have a nice butt” -”Who is that in the corner?” (terrifying) -”Watch out for the red lady” (even more terrifying) -Sometimes he will say things in German and it sounds like he’s speaking Parseltongue -One time I actually think he said something in Parseltongue -One time he talked about buying a ticket to “everywhere” and then just said “hello?” after two minutes of silence -And my all time favorite: ”This is MY yogurt, Satan”

Say what you will about the Ewoks but they’re the only people in the galaxy who have handrails on their bridges and stairs.

The Empire calls them primitives but the Ewoks have OSHA regulations and the Empire doesn’t so who’s really more primitive here?

Perfect magnets

Fun story: One of the first things I was taught as an astronomy student is that, if you want to be a dick to someone giving a presentation, ask them “and how do the magnetic fields play into this?” and they will invariably say “fuck you I don’t know” because no one understands magnetic fields they are black magic.

Originally posted by fencehopping

Magnets are pure bullshit.

Pure utter bullshit. Electromagnetic forces somehow outstrip gravitic forces in strength by an obscene factor, for no reason I can comprehend and it bothers me.

I love magnets

One, that gif showing the Curie temperature is really cool. 

Two, you don’t understand, magnetic fields are the bane of my existance and I have a masters dissertation about them. I studied how magnetic fields develop in low mass stars and every single meeting with my supervisor ended in some conversation about how stupid magnetism is.

“Oh yeah and this is effected by the magnetic field strength…”

“But why?”

“God knows, I don’t have a clue.”

Was literally said to me by a professor who has spent 20 years of his life looking at magnetism in stars.

ALSO:

“Don’t ask why, we don’t know. Maybe magnetism? Who knows anything about magnetism.” - My Stellar Physics professor when asked about certain processes in stellar formation, something he has been studying for 10 years.

Like we know so little about that it’s actually funny.

it’s literally considered inhumane to deny our worst criminals food and shelter but y’all wanna figure out if our homeless and impoverished population “deserves” it like 

child molesters are gettin’ three hots and a cot on your tax dollars and that’s fine but the starving single mother and her children down the street should just work harder bc god forbid your taxes go to them?

fuck y’all seriously

There are literally people who get themselves arrested so that they can go to jail, where they know they will have a place to sleep, food to eat and access to their medication of they need it. And the American prison system is a horrific hotbed of human rights abuse and people STILL do this. It’s messed up as hell.

Modern Mulan sketches by Elena

Roy Moore Spokesman Ted Crockett: Muslims can’t serve because you have to swear in on a Bible. Jake Tapper: There’s no law that says you have to swear in on a Bible. Crockett: *shitshitshitshitshitTHINKMANTHINK* Tapper: You do know that right? Crockett: *justfinishstrongmanyoucandothis* WELL DONALD TRUMP

I saw this live. I was stunned

Is that true !?! You can swear on the quran for the inauguration to become the president of the United States ?! Guess I have some homework

Yes, because America is not a Christian nation. It was never supposed to have a state religion. As long as you’re a United States citizen and you meet the age and service requirements for President of the United States, you have every right to run.

UPDATE on HOMEWORK:

This what I found( cut and pasted ):

“Theodore Roosevelt did not use a Bible when taking the oath in 1901. Both John Quincy Adams and Franklin Pierce swore on a book of law, with the intention that they were swearingon the constitution. Lyndon B. Johnson was sworn in on a Roman Catholic missal on Air Force One”

I had no idea, I like the swearing on the book of law. Like @thunder-the-great said, we aren’t supposed to have a state religion.

The Constitution specifically forbids any religious test to hold office.  You can swear on anything or nothing at all.  You don’t even have to swear, the Constitution specifically says you can affirm.

Lan Diep of the San Jose city council swore on Captain America’s shield. You can literally swear on anything or nothing.

I don’t know how people don’t know this. I thought it was so obvious??? Separation of church and state is integral to the USA.