Why does watching BIG hurt (genuine question as a new fan- I’ve seen alot of people say that)
I actually think there’s several reasons that so many of us have only watched the entire thing a handful of times or less and still have such a strong reaction to it almost 2 years later.
For a lot of us, we legitimately didn’t think that day would come. We never even thought to anticipate a coming out statement, let alone a video. To get that after six months of silence from Dan was kind of earth shattering. It was both the content itself and Dan being back after the community was in quite a bit of distress and unease during his absence.
The content itself is just really really hard to swallow. Hearing someone who I’ve cared for and admired for literally my entire adult life recount truly painful events and emotions, many that I personally dealt with and identified with (like...a lot), was and is fucking hard. It took me almost 2 hours to get through it the first time because I kept stopping to cry. Rewatching it, even in clips, can bring back those feelings and it’s just painful to listen to. It’s not entertainment, it’s someone I love recounting trauma (if that makes sense). Like it’s not like this is a documentary on someone I didn’t know, he’s has been a part of my life for a decade ya know? Of course I’m going to take it differently that someone who doesn’t have an attachment to him yet.
For me personally, BIG came out when I was still deeply closeted and in just a metric fuckton of pain from it. So I had some of my own...almost grudge like..reactions to him talking about how much coming out and accepting yourself can change your life. I didn’t want to believe him. I thought it was easy for him to say when he didn’t know what would happen if I did. (He was right...damnit. Sorry for doubting you Danny). But it still reminds me of just how much I was hurting during that time.
The emotions that video brought, that day brought (and the months after) were astronomical. There was tears and rejoicing and discourse (so much discourse....) and happiness and sadness and mourning and love. BIG changed the community. I’m so proud of him for it. It’s a masterpiece he clearly poured his heart and soul into, but it’s not something I can consume recreationally if that makes sense?
