I’m sorry; this is a pretty sad fill, but I had to get it out of my system. Imagine young Sebastian who’s only been in the chantry for a year or so.
Elthina has a specific smile that says “thank you, but it is time for you to disappear.”
It is on her face now that Sebastian is done serving the Mothers and Sisters their breakfast. The dining hall tables carry many a dish he has worked on since before the first rays of dawn, and he suppresses a yawn now that he is finished. Water breaks out in his eyes despite the effort, and he takes a step back, joining the line on the wall, settling next to Brother George. He ducks his head; it is time to meld into the grey stones behind him and wait for his turn.
If he thinks on it a little, it is not too different here than how it was at home; Father, too, expected obedience and invisibility from him - and it was as impossible to satisfy his wishes as it is to please Elthina, but for different reasons. He shifts his weight from one leg to the other, clasping his hands in front of his hips; were he to cross his arms on his chest, he would be seen again and earn a scathing look from the Grand Cleric.
He has learnt not all attention is desirable. That is one of the things that are different here; a mere year ago his spine tingled upon the prospect of being yelled at - for being seen at all was a miracle - but now his spirit deflates upon any signs of disapproval. It is better to focus on prayer and fulfill his tasks, rather than leave space for commentary.
The meal continues as the women chatter and eat at a leisurely pace. Boisterous laughter carries from the table of young Lay-Sisters, but he doesn’t turn to look. He resists the urge to press his hands flat on his stomach, but the churn of hunger is becoming quite obvious; it may attract Elthina’s eyes - those steely orbs that make him want to kneel and apologise before his crime is given voice.
He shuts his eyes and prays for the pangs to subside - at least until the Mothers and Sisters have gone, leaving them with whatever remains of breakfast. A quiet breath leaves him and he opens his eyes again; Lay-Sister Petrice stares at him with a peculiar expression on her face. She smirks and chews on her piece of bread with obvious enjoyment before turning away and poking Sister Mariah next to her: they both break out in muffled laughter, stealing glances at him.
Elthina doesn’t scold them. She dips her spoon in the soup and knits her brows, but only briefly.
Sebastian casts his gaze on the floor and bites his lip, shame burning hot on his cheeks. Was it he that annoyed her? Perhaps this is yet another thing he can’t succeed at; it seems that despite his best efforts, he can never truly turn invisible.
