Not even I know what I'm doing

As you get older, you realize that dads at cookouts don’t enjoy grilling that much, they’re just trying to avoid interacting with everyone else.

FMA + text posts: 1/ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

THERE’S NOTHING THAT A HUNDRED SONGS OR MORE COULD EVER DOOOOOO

I have fugitive Ed thoughts

(Ed finds one of these posters and keeps it to convince his children he was a badass once)

If you’re an adult, do the stuff you couldn’t as a kid.

Like, me and my sister went to a museum, and they had an extra exhibit of butterflies. But it cost £3. So we sighed, walked past, then stopped. We each had £3. We could see the butterflies. And we did it was great. We followed it up with an ice-cream as well because Mum and Dad weren’t there to say no.

I was driving back from a work trip with 2 other people in their early 20s, and we drove past a MacDonalds. One of the others went “Aww man, I’d love a McFlurry.” And the guy driving pulled in to the drive through. It was wild. But it was great.

I went to a park over the weekend and I was thinking “Man, I’d love to hire one of those bikes and cycle round the park.” It took me a few minutes to go “Wait, I can hire one of those bikes!”

I guess what I’m saying is, those impulsive things you wanted to do as a kid - see the dinosaur exhibit, play in the fountains with the other kids, lie in the shade for 2 hours - you can do when you’re an adult. You have to deal with a whole lot of other bull, but at least you can indulge your inner 8 year-old.

being caught taking selfies is one of lifes most embarrassing moments. 

omg her peace sign lowering in shame

i have 15 years’ worth of outstanding library fines in three separate cities and it’s my hope that eventually a bounty hunter librarian will come to collect and we’ll get in a bar fight and fall in love

I also can’t rent movies in two different towns so there’s that.

I’m newly terrified by the implication that librarians aren’t people and I’ve misjudged what exactly I’m up against

if your eyes start hurting what you’ve got to do is lay down and close them for a while…. now that’s a sexy little manoeuvre that we in the medical field like to call “sleep”

Two kinds of people:

People who took the news of feathered dinosaurs like this:

And those who took it like this:

I hate it when people say “science ruined dinosaurs” as though dinosaurs are just some pop culture monster invention and not real things that existed and that we are continuing to make new discoveries about

Amen

Listen I don’t care if you think feathers on a dinosaur look stupid if a 9 ton apex predator is coming at you at 25 mph, you’re not going to laugh at its feathers. YOU’RE GOING TO HAUL ASS

Most of y’all are afraid of geese and they have feathers.

Imagine a 9 ton goose that’s about to fuck your shit up.

being single is like… it’s just you and your bottle of water

#oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle (x)

have people in horror movies never seen a horror movie

a person complaining about puns basically invites every pun enthusiast in the vicinity to come snapping rhythmically from the shadows 

this is a literal tourism ad in australia for the northern territory 

@potassium-sulfate @lastfadinghopeternal

self driving cars aren’t even hard to make lol just program it not to hit stuff

if(goingToHitStuff) {

dont();

}