Im A ✨Human Disaster✨

my digital footprint is a clown shoe I fear

Why did English keep the German ‘stark’ as an intensifier but only for ‘naked’ and ‘raving mad’

two most German modes of being

Fuck. Those fuckers at the store sold me No Purpose Flour again. What the fuck do I do with this

you laugh. my flour is bereft of purpose and you mock me. hell upon you, fool

jan smit looking at jan smit looking at rocks

I'm in TJ Max with full skull facepaint on cause I didn't feel like taking it off and a child is following me. Not saying anything just following me

apprentice acquired

I went to dollar tree once in my Halloween costume (slutty plague doctor- and yes, I did wear the full beaked mask into the store) that I had put on in the neighboring Spirit Halloween and didn’t want to take off because it had a corset (with, i shit you not, like fifty little clasps)

But instead of this happening an old man looked at me, wheezed, and clutched his chest like he thought he was about to have a legitimate heart attack- he had to balance himself on a cash register

it makes me so sad how new mobs are being added to minecraft dungeons

like more pets and animals, but i literally dont know anyone who plays this game

look how cute they are

we need these in vanilla minecraft

Absolutely nothing prepared me for the end

GBBO: “A s’more is basically just an Italian merengue sandwiched between two ganache-covered digestives”

Americans:

in case anyone in wondering, this is Paul Hollywood's idea of a s'more

For the record, these ones should have won

Doing a single downward dog pose on my first day of yoga class and the chakral realignment VIOLENTLY purges all toxins from my body in the form of a cloud of rancid pus that explodes from my pores. Namasty.

I was just flung violently back down the depths of dimly lit memory lane to when I used to do yoga (before we knew I had EDS).

I was switching between poses and my (unbeknownst to me) subluxated tailbone popped back into place, causing a chain reaction up the rest of my spine not unlike cracking a glow stick both in sound and visual effect as my vision whited out from pain and I was forced briefly to shake hands with the universe.

The woman on the mat next to me told me that was the "toxins" leaving my body and that's the second time I was evicted from a yoga lesson for inappropriate laughter.

is he … you know … open to interpretation?

nobody on this webbed site can read

i know some naughty words that will really knock your socks off

But I’m not wearing socks??

i know some caring words that will put socks on you

I truly hate the word "unalive." There are so many other euphemisms that fictional Italian mobsters worked so hard to provide you with and you just ignore them.