Charlie: Alastor! There is a dead human in the lobby!
Alastor: Oh…what do you know…How did this young fellows body get here?
Charlie: Alastooor, what did you do?!
Alastor: Me? I had nothing to do with this fellows demise.
Charlie: Explain what happened, Alastor!
Alastor: Why I never seen him before in all my afterlife.
Charlie: Why did you kill this person, Alastor
Alastor: I do not kill….on weekends. I usually kill on Monday afternoons
Charlie: Tell me, Alastor, exactly what you were doing before I came back.
Alastor: Alright, well…I was upstaire
Alastor: I was sitting in my room…
Alastor: working on a script for my next radio broadcast…
Alastor: And then I felt the presence of this young gentleman enter the hotel…
Alastor: So, I teleported up to him…
Alastor: And then I stabbed him 37 times in the chest.
Charlie: Alastooooooooor, that KILLS people!
Alastor: Oh….Well, I forgot about that
Charlie: How could you forget about that?!
Alastor: After living in hell for quite some time, you tend to forget humans die easily.
Charlie: What happened to his hands?
Charlie: His hands. Why—why are they missing?
Alastor: Well I cooked them up and ate them of course.
Alastor: Well, I was hungry.
Charlie: Why in the name of heaven would you do that?!
Alastor: It’s been so long since I had human before, could you blame me?
Alastor: Have you ever had human before, it’s quite delicious.
Alastor: Especially the heart, you haven’t lived until you tried the heart.
Charlie: What is wrong with you, Alastor?!
Alastor: Charlie, you do remember that we are in hell. I’m here for a reason
(Based on Llamas with Hats)