hello hello 🥺

thank you so much for your sweet words 😭 I've actually been thinking about this blog a lot (especially after the past few bsd chapters...), so it was such a pleasant surprise to see this in the inbox

thank you so much for sticking around and all that 🥹

sadly i can't promise when i can sit down and be in this blog again with everything irl, diverging interests (though i still love BSD!), but i do have WIPs still and all that so! it's not out of the question!

i love all of you and thank you so much for being kind to me after all this time 💓 this blog is always open for you guys to be at.

to my lovely friends (everyone!! is included!!), if you'd like to contact me outside of here to like talk about chuuya / bsd / (I'm also into star rail / genshin) send me a message or an ask and I'll give you my twt or my discord!! i'd love to talk to you guys, i miss you all.

okay, that's enough for my sap! thank you again 🥺 sending love and hugs and good energy!

im slowly losing my mind at work

👀 maybe i should get back to this blog...

aww 🥺 hi friend! thank you so much for your warm words... you're right, every little bit of work is still work, still progress regardless of how perfect or finished it is! i hope you're also keeping this to heart, and we both find our way out of The Confusion™ one day! you're so kind to share this message out here. and to all my followers / readers who might relate, this one's for you guys too!

thank you for passing by 💕 take care!

thank you juice anon!! 🥺

thank you for caring about me as a person despite the lack of fics 🫂 it means a lot-lot.

omg hi 🐝 anon!! i hope you enjoyed stormbringer as much as i did!! it's such a wild right from start to finish, no? lots of twists i didn't expect but of course it was excellent writing again. #goals if i may say so myself.

thank you for cheering me on 🥺 it's really been confusing and hard since i'm working on my own with a lot of responsibilities... i hope you're right that it'll get easier 😊 thank you for the hug! giving you one back, take care!

hey 🐙 anon! thank you for checking in 🥺

i'm not doing too well actually 😅 i've been in kind of a slump for a bit and recently i've got a job (again... finally) and it was kind of a rush thing so keeping up with it is still kind of hard.

i miss writing for you guys actually... i have a lot of drafts that are half-done that haven't seen the light of day here :( i wish i had the focus and energy to finish them, but it's just been hard to somehow.

sorry for disappearing on you guys 😢 i really want to write for chuuya some more - and i still do - it's just i have trouble with the entire writing process right now. i miss you guys so much and thank you for staying! i still get notes on older posts and when people back read it's always lovely to see 🥺

soon hopefully things will turn for the better! (and hopefully we'll finally see chuuya in the manga again!) here's to doing our bests 🥂

hey hey!! thank you for checking in 🥺 i'm doing okay, still not at my best but we're getting there! i missed writing for you guys so thank you for sending a little thing i can muse about while my little writer brain is still kind of dead.

personally i think it's going to depend a lot on the other person who has a monster inside of them too. because with chuuya, i feel like he'll find some sick sense of comfort that he's not alone in this and that someone can probably comprehend to a certain degree the difficulty and weight of what it means to harbor arahabaki, but at the same time, he will be very concerned about them, whether or not this is concern in general or as someone who has feelings for them.

the thing is, if the other person isn't stable with the monster inside of them, i feel like chuuya would much rather back off. sure he'll be concerned about their health and safety, but at the same time, he knows that these kind of "demons" both literally and figuratively are something that must be handled on one's own, much like he did with his own. if they respond positively, that is, they deal with it well and come to terms with it, then chuuya would likely react positively to them too. but if they respond negatively, chuuya would feel like they'd respond negatively to his own existence too as a "monster-bearer", and he'd rather not be involved then.

if the other person is on even footing though, i feel like they'd get along pretty well. not that they're going to bond over their shared monster-inside-of-me thing, but in an unsaid way they'll surely find companionship with each other because of it too.

i hope that makes sense, even if a little bit! this was really fun to think about, thank you for passing by!!

patience

chuuya has a patience unrivaled by many.

it’s a skill honed by years and years of being in the mafia, and the need to be diplomatic when it comes to negotiating and trade deals. he’s not exactly the bloodthirsty mafioso in television. chuuya would like to argue that that trope is overused and so far from the truth. but that’s not the point here.

if he has to wait, he will.

mood

dolled-up

you and chuuya get a lot of looks when you’re walking down the street. especially after he started dressing you up. at first, chuuya would always volunteer to drive you in a car or at least on a motorcycle, to avoid prying eyes, and for your own safety. but after a certain amount of time, it became dull, monotonous, and really, a little restricting.

so you made a compromise. you wear your “regular, commoner clothes” (your words) when you’re out alone, and when you do have to wear your “stylish, chuuya-approved clothes” (your words still) you’ll have to be out with him, so he can assure that no one dares to do anything more than look. and he’d agreed to that. and you’d agreed to that, not knowing the level of how far “assuring” chuuya meant when he haggled it into the explanation.

until today.

“chuuya!”

"i went to rewatch dead apple but only the parts with him in it" IF THAT ISN'T A MOOD JUICE ANON. i literally have ango's and chuuya's lines memorized at this point imprinted in my brain. those scenes were crazy af for my heart.

thank you for coming to me to report of your very valid very relatable intense love for chuuya!! i hope since you've sent this ask you've continued to have great memories/experiences even in your mind with chuuya and continue to love him for a long time ♥

also, 400th post! wouldn’t have gotten here without you guys :’)

omg it's you again! lovely to see you still around anon!

i can absolutely see the banter, yeah! especially if they have opposing tastes in things! "luxurious" is a very diverse thing still, and it'd be hilarious if chuuya, who is into very classically luxurious stuff (wine, motorcycles, cars maybe) gets paired with an s/o who just goes wild on, say, really out of the box fashion.

i do think, however, that chuuya only has a patience limit for someone like that. like, sure, he'll tolerate brattiness (especially in bed) and being spoiled (he likes to spoil his loved ones) but there's a certain degree where he wants them to own up to their actions and take responsibility and all that. he'll take those traits some times, but not all the times, because at the end of the day, chuuya was still raised with the discipline needed for the mafia, and he'll definitely want it- or at the very least a reflection of it- in an s/o of his own.

(replies to this after another week-long break)

thanks 🐝 anon, your words mean a lot to me! honestly i've been feeling guilty about quitting and just "lazing around" (read: barely functioning) lately but your words cheered me up a bit :') thank you!

i promise i'll do my best to write more stuff for you guys, my energy management's just been super weird, and with mild executive dysfunction... anyway you're not gonna hear more excuses from me, just- patience please! thank you!

training wheels

“how do you not know how to ride a bike?”

“how do you not know how to make onigiri?”

“okay, fine, you win.”

aww thanks for your concern 🐙 anon... i definitely will make the most of my break while i can. luckily (or unluckily?) i'm dealing with some health concerns rn that's left me a little too shaky to actually go find a job... and in this market too. so yeah! more breaks, more fics hopefully!

you really think so? i'm glad you like it 😊 yeah, as much as i do not condone those things being done by minors (this is for the canceler squad) in the canon it's really impossible to imagine that chuuya was an angel growing up. not in an environment like that. even if he wanted to not engage in those things, he would have eventually been exposed, and with the attitude of a teenager... it was almost common sense to me. and i'm glad you agree 🥺

yeah here's the tough part- i was planning to make it a self-insert. like, second person and all that. i'm still gauging if it's a little too hard/gritty to force a reader into the headspace of someone in the underground sex ring of the port mafia...

i'm not too comfortable with making OCs myself really, since personally i prefer to enter the headspace of whoever i'm reading about (ex. when i'm reading skk i like to focus on what chuuya's feeling/thinking, even in a third-person neutral fic).

what do you guys think? will it be too much?