what is this, a fucking fanfic??

Wow.... so you’re telling me you took an action that resulted in the death of one person...... to save the lives of many people.... who would have died if you did nothing??? that sounds so familiar

mothers day cards: hey queen 👸😋! thank you for cooking 🍳 and cleaning 🧽🧹🧺 and shopping 🛍🛒 and taking care of our health insurance 🙊⚕️and just being a great beautiful lady! 🥰❤️ we love you so much mom!!!

fathers day cards: you FART 💨 and thats FUNNY 🤡

masturbation is evil not for any puritan anti-fun reason but because it has permanently claimed so many verbs

nobody can crank anything anymore. and god forbid you jerk

@staff i want you to beg

the ability to say "i dont have a tiktok" in social situations makes me feel so powerful. like the general reaction is "shock, confusion, then this weird 'thats probably a good thing' response" its so fun

now im feeling especially hater. hot take number one HATE THE STOVE VS RICE COOKER DISCOURSE. YOU SHOULD USE WHATS MORE CONVENIENT FOR YOU ONE IS NOT INHERENTLY SUPERIOR OR INFERIOR THAN THE OTHER. literally no difference. put ur rice ur water and leave it alone until done. stop acting morally superior about ur fucking utensils choices

hot take number two people who make posts about how disgusting/gross certain foods are. are so fucking annoying to me. probably because i can never find any food that is not literally growing mold (edible mold not included) gross and i have my own hangups about it but still. "ooh who would even want to eat insects" "beans on toast?? thats so gross ew british food" "brazillian pizza is so weird and is a mockery of actual pizza" <- five thousand damaging psychic beams your way

hot take number three is that when you're fat, there is no acceptable eating behavior you can have without people scrutinizing and judging you. if you are a picky eater, people will give you shit of course (this one also applies to thin people and is not any more okay in those cases), but if you can actually eat anything, people will turn around and be shit to you about it too, because then you Should be more picky, you Should avoid this and that and ideally feed on sunlight and lose 10kg every week.

it is tiring to always watch what and how you eat in front of others, to never be fully open about your food preferences etc, because one misstep and you can see in their eyes how they stop viewing you as a person and start viewing you as a human pig for daring to not be the platonic ideal of a fat person who is supposed to put in effort in losing weight

hot take number four is that "healthy" and "unhealthy" food as categories literally are not real and something having a higher calories count or being high in carbs or anything else in the world does not make it inherently bad. different foods suit different needs. sometimes you need a lot of calories. sometimes you need a fuckload of carbs. sometimes you need sugar etc. sometimes you need the artificially colored artificially flavored brightly packaged toxic tasting snackies and candies (good for morale and fun)

wylan comm:)

release the Hounds

tmagp characters love getting on various hotlines and traumadumping to the on hold music

i would’ve fucked so hard as a court jester in ye olde i would’ve jangled my balls and done a little dance and sang my silly tunes i’d be so good at my job. alas i have to be on tumblr instead which is like a poor imitation of it

bells. i meant bells

don’t do this to me

Sports bra is lingerie if you're good enough at gender

WHAT THE FUCK IS NONCHALANT 😭😭😭 i was built to take a sword through my chest for you

oh fuck *falls back into old habits* *screen fades to black* *level loading* TIP: your belief that you are incapable of changing for the better will become a self fulfilling prophecy if left unchallenged

Seeing people decide to watch Breaking Bad based on the Tumblr memes is especially funny when they do it specifically for the memes about Jesse, because... well, let's put it this way. Aaron Paul, the guy who played Jesse, was nominated for a Primetime Emmy award for best supporting actor in a drama series for his work on Breaking Bad on five separate occasions, including twice in one season, and won three of those nominations. He was the first person ever to win that award three times for the same role. Like, Jesse's storyline is so viscerally unpleasant that it set industry records.

no third option pick one!

"both are bad I'm picking neither!" THAT'S THE POINT IT'S PICKING BETWEEN TWO BAD OPTIONS HENCE WHY I USED THE WORD "EXTREMELY"!!!!!!!!!