we , unaccustomed to courage , exiles from delight , live coiled in shells of loneliness until love leaves its high holy & comes into our sight to liberate us into life .
ind. sel. letha godfrey from brian mcgreevy’s “ hemlock grove ” . est. 2015 , rebooted 2020 .
tagged by : @freakfink ! tagging : steal it from me xo
cherry wine ( . . . ) for you , love really is sweet like cherry wine . you yearn for the soft things in life , always searching for the gentleness in love . the love you have radiates warmth and comfort and happy little butterflies in your tummy . it’s giggles under the blankets at night and sweet smiles across the breakfast table pastries . but this sweetness doesn’t make your love any less strong , in fact just the opposite . love to you is just to be content and warm with the person you love most .
﹠ ﹔ 𝑏𝑟𝑙𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 : mallory barnes .
⌈ ♡ ⌋ @withalisp, letha godfrey . it's the middle of the night . there's light snow falling . you're in the grounds of a country estate . there's a lonely feel to the place .
they’d spent the whole day driving, from new york city to hemlock grove, arriving when the moon was eerily high in the sky, hanging over them like an eye in the sky . what had begun as a fun road trip quickly turned to them sitting in her car at the very end of the driveway, request made so the blonde at her side could catch her breath before they continued on . it feels like trespassing, but it’s not . still, she feels a rush of adrenaline when letha slides her key into place, mechanisms moving into place cause the hair on her arms to rise . with a twist of her wrist, the click of it unlocking echoes through her skull . [ she said the doors had been boarded up, that someone had to come out earlier and take them down so she could get in . there was evidence to her claims in the gnarled, hole - filled wood around the doorframe . ] a blink puts her in letha’s shoes, entryway turned to one she’d passed through thousands of times, familiar but different . once lively and warm now frozen in time, draped with cobwebs and new cracks in the walls . she imagines an overwhelming feeling of longing, and suddenly mallory feels like clicking her heels . there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home . . .
she is a ghost haunting the halls of a place she once called home . remnants of her littered in the details : portraits on the walls, a bedroom that hadn’t been touched since the last time she was in it . dust - coated memories, decaying as each member of the house was tragically lost, with less and less care given, this home had begun to crumble . mallory lingers in the doorway as letha continues forward, gaze landing on a crumpled flier tucked underneath old mail . she hesitates before she picks it up, already knowing what she was going to see . remembers them plastered all over town, on every telephone pole and in every window for miles ; MISSING PERSON, with a faded color photo of marie godfrey right in the middle . she tries not to imagine her own face in her place, her information littering the pagebut fails . she sets the page down with a soft sigh, speed walking to catch up to letha .
❝. . . how does it feel ?❞a question, in truth, mallory doesn’t expect much of an answer to, and as soon as it’s in the air she regrets asking it at all . it breaks the air of silence around them, and as she walks the wood beneath her feet creaking sounds like a reply . habit has a hand raising, lifting a strand of letha’s hair and tucking it behind her shoulder .❝are you okay ?❞
this trip had been a long time coming : the home that she was raised in lay dormant on it’s pedestal - like hill , a relic with stories untold . she’d wondered about the state of it for the longest time --- how many curious teenagers had come to see how the other godfrey’s lived ? if she looked hard enough , she’s sure there’d be a broken window or two . were the walls slathered in the same spray - painted graffiti condemning her family she’d seen at the old mill ?
as they wait in mallory’s idling car , letha can’t help but to think : what was the point in even coming back ? she’d heard all of the stories already , of her parents’ disappearance ( . . . ) of the end of the godfrey reign in hemlock grove . she had no loose ends to tie up , no final stone to be unturned . she was as connected to this town , to this house , as a dog and catnip . she’s in a daze when they finally enter , and this house feels strange and familiar all at once .
from where letha stood , she could see into the backyard , through the dining room and over the kitchen island --- to where an unlit pool lay , dead leaves creating a blanket over the water gone green with algae . she’s brought back to lazy summer afternoons , where all she had to worry about was getting an even tan and what her mother would be cooking for dinner later that evening . she’s pulled into memory after memory , there in the moment as she relives them all . in the silence , she closes her eyes and listens --- really strains her hearing , & it’s almost like she can hear the soft hum of her father’s old record player coming from his office . but mallory’s voice breaks that concentration and bounces off the walls around her head , and suddenly letha can breathe again , evident in the way she lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in the first palce .
she can’t answer at first , even if she’d wanted to . how could she find the words to describe how she was feeling when she was feeling so much at once ? how was she to pinpoint just one thing for a satisfying enough answer ? ❝ i’m fine , ❞ the smile she gives is reassuring , and after she catches mallory’s falling hand , she gives it a soft squeeze as extra proof . ❝ i just didn’t think i’d ever be back here ( . . . ) they really let the place go to hell , huh ? ❞ a hint of humor the only thing keeping her from breaking down then & there , letha’s smile falters as she ventures further down the hall , letting the hold she had on mallory’s fingers go as she moved forward . ❝ i just want to get this over with . but i guess that’s kinda hard to do when i don’t even know what i’m looking for ( . . . ) we can start with my dad’s office , i guess . if there’s anything important left , that’s where it’d probably be . ❞
﹠ ﹔ 𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒔 : kinsey oliver .
all her time spent in the basement, two and a half months according to what other people had told her, she thought she would have been happy to be home. healing takes time, they would say ––– and even with all the time in the world, it was never enough. instead, the opposite proved to be true. days turned to weeks, and weeks to months in which she rarely left the safety of her bedroom. getting by with the bare minimum just to live to see a tomorrow where she could do it all over. trapped in a prison of her own making this time around, only it was one she did not want to find her way out of for fear of what was outside those four walls. standing at her window, hand pressed against frosted glass leaving a print behind when she pulls it back and allows it to fall to her waist. snow falling outside a blinding but mesmerizing white to brown eyed girl. can’t pull herself away from the window long enough to even acknowledge the sound of footsteps approaching behind. assuming it to be her mother or father, or her brother or possibly even mallory coming to check on her wellbeing.
the sound of throat clearing from behind is different though, vaguely familiar but not at the same time. she turns slowly away from the snow covered garden to see the face of a distant memory staring back at her. letha godfrey, a memory ––– a tragedy in itself. but why think of her now? eyes glance over to orange bottle of pills prescribed to her by her doctor, sitting open on the desk next to her laptop emitting blue light. was it possible she’d taken too many? wouldn’t be the first time, but it would be the first that her hallucinations took form in the face of a person who had not crossed her mind in many years. questions roll around on her tongue, each one leaving an acrid taste behind. ❛ are you an angel? ❜
@withalisp ⇾ letha godfrey .
their lives up to this point had collided for varying spans of time on only a few occasions . the first , her favorite . states away from her family , where she felt lost and alone , kinsey & mallory were there to take her in , to make her feel like she belonged --- and for that she was forever grateful . while so much time had passed since she left colorado , and so much had happened to fill her mind with all new memories , she still thought of them from time to time . when she was feeling particularly nostalgic for an easier life . when she had seen their faces on the news , read the headlines and stories detailing their disappearance , she could barely believe that it was real .
she doesn’t want to scare her , letha can clearly see that she’s caught up in the scenic view . she decides a soft cough would bring just the right amount of noise to alert the other to her presence . line of sight follows kinsey’s , falling only momentarily on the pill bottle on her desk --- can remember the familiar feel of a hazy filter over life itself . a feeling that she doesn’t miss . effect proven in the question she asks , and while letha’s first instinct is to laugh at such ridiculousness , she simply gives a small smile and shrugs one shoulder softly . ❝ i wish , ❞ all she can think of to respond with , ghost of a would - be smile lingering at the edges of her lips . too much to explain , with the details even now somehow far beyond letha’s realm of comprehension . at this point , she’d accepted the fact that she was alive & alone , and that that was as good as it was going to get .
❝ i’m not an angel , ❞ letha takes a step into the room , careful not to overstep any bounds , and raises her hand to tap her knuckles lightly against the wall at her side . ❝ see ? really here . ❞ lips purse as her arm falls back to her side , mind racing , thinking up a way to make all of this make sense . everything that she thinks of saying sounds wrong in her head , words better left unsaid : i saw what happened to you on the news ( . . . ) why else would she have shown up out of the blue ? sure , letha missed her old friend , but their paths had diverged long ago . in kinsey’s world , letha godfrey was dead , a topic that she’ll skirt her way around for as long as she can . ❝ it’s been so long since i last saw you , and i’ve been thinking about you a lot lately , so i figured i might as well just visit . i hope you don’t mind . ❞
Yehuda Amichai, from The Selected Poetry of Yehuda Amichai; “And as far as Abu Ghosh,”
﹠ ﹔ 𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒇𝒈𝒉𝒕 \ jasper hale .
𝐭𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐛 𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐤, brows raised as he stares down at her . ❛ i’d be an idiot not to . ❜ words low, next to a whisper before she leans up to give him a kiss . sigh as she makes her way out of his arms, eyes following while she stands before him, his own torso leaning back with hands pressed against the mattress . when she suggest they leave then and there, jasper cannot help but to let out soft laughter . shocked, but not totally against the idea, he’d be fine leaving now and buying whatever they’d needed later . ❛ would you like to pack a bag or should we just wing it ? ❜
lips turn to a happy smile , head tilting to the side to rest on her shoulder , the ghost of his touch still lingering on her cheek . ❝ why yes , you would be . i’m glad that you’re wise enough to acknowledge that . ❞ playful pride has hands turned to fists pressing into her sides , chin raised in triumph . letha stands in front of him , then , with her arms extended to rest over either of his shoulders . ❝ winging it could be fun , ❞ and also anxiety inducing , letha’s quick to come up with a middle ground between the two . ❝ but maybe we should each pack at least one bag , that way we look a little less conspicuous . ❞ that , and the guilt of the idea of him wasting money when they could easily bring what they’d need gnaws at the back of her head .
﹠ ﹔ 𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒕 \ bradley martin .
❛ i used to be like you. ❜ weird to look at things from the other side now. letha godfrey was everything bradley martin had been before her life had been destroyed from inside out ––– or at least she seemed to be. it was one thing to look like you had the perfect life, another to pretend. to play the part and be the girl everyone wanted you to be. knew the signs by now. things were never as perfect as they seemed to be from prying eyes green with envy. she sips from bourbon with ice, swirling the liquor around the glass. green eyes lock on the blonde girl, beckoning the bartender their way for another. one for herself and one for letha. ❛ i had it all once. i thought my parents were happy, but it was all one big fucking lie. ❜ knew she shouldn’t be talking about this, but she couldn’t really be bothered to care as liquor courses through her bloodstream. ❛ i was only sixteen years old when my dad got killed. i was waiting for the bus to school when he crashed his car, i saw it all happen. i’ll spare you the dirty details, but it was nasty shit. i found out stuff about my dad that i wish i never knew. your parents always let you down in the end, don’t they? is that why you’re here? cause girls like us, we don’t usually drink in bars alone unless we got a damn good reason. ❜
it was completely lost on letha as to why she was there in the first place . one reason , perhaps , were the million and one things racing through her head ---- recollection of the rumors she’d overheard in hemlock grove about her absent family . the ghost of her mother lingering only in the remnants of MISSING PERSON posters strewn around back alleys and stuck to telephone poles ; the way that her father had seemingly dropped off of the face of the earth . with no word from roman or shelley or even her aunt olivia , letha could only assume the worst of outcomes , the end of the godfrey name . the life that she’d known nothing but distant memories , the girl that had everything and wanted for nothing , now completely alone . noise beside her pulls her from the daze she’d sunken into , quickly recognizes that noise as words and snaps her back into reality with a small gasp and a deep breath in . ❝ then we’re not so different , even now . ❞ voice is breathy , words accompanied by a wistful sigh before she finishes her drink and turns to the brunette at her side . ❝ my dad was fucking my aunt . ❞ no surprise to letha after all of the hints that she’d picked up on over the years , it only hurt to know that he had played the part of loving husband and father so well . not at all a comparison to the other’s plights , but simply a statement of her own . ❝ parents can’t really let you down when they’ve disappeared without a trace . ❞ shoulder shrugs up and down once carefully , teeth chewing on the inside of her lower lip as bartender sets their new drinks down in front of them .
﹠ ﹔ 𝒖𝒑𝒊𝒓 \ roman godfrey .
roman did not respond and with narrowed eyes he stepped in front of her. his frame eclipsed the sun, the light behind him that seemed to radiate around his silhouette like a crown on top of his head. he reached out a hand to her. ❛ come on, let’s do something else. there are enough days left for you to work on your complexion. ❜
only when roman steps into the light does she remove her sunglasses , attention fully settled on him with a small pout . it takes a moment of contemplation , of staring at him through a squinted gaze in near awe before her arm extends to take hold of his hand . ❝ okay , you win . let me go and change and then we can do whatever you want . ❞
﹠ ﹔ 𝒎𝒓𝒚𝒋𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒔 \ mary jane reed .
❝ no way . a hint’ll just give it away . patience is a virtue , lee . ❞ mj rolls her eyes dramatically , pulling her gaze away from the road for just long enough to give letha an exaggerated incredulous look . ❝ it’s not gonna take long to get there . distract yourself—let’s play ispy . ❞
she gives a loud groan , though there is no mistaking the smile on her face for anything but joyful annoyance . ❝ ugh ---- fine . but you know that patience is a virtue that i don’t have an abundance of . ❞ with her words comes soft laughter , hands folding together in her lap as her eyes turn from mary jane to the trees passing by outside of her window . ❝ okay , ispy , i’ll go first . i spy with my little eye something . . . yellow . ❞ gaze lingers on a patch of wildflowers in an open field to their left .
﹠ ﹔ 𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒇𝒈𝒉𝒕 \ rosie grimes .
❛ 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 . ❜ wide smirk grows and without giving her time to protest, rose begins walking them towards the entrance of the first maze . letha would call her boldness bravery, rose calls it arrogance ; the desire to not look like a total pussy in front of her best friend . ❛ i promise that once we’re done i’ll get you 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐚𝐭 . –you just have to 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 first ! ❜
𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐝 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐞'𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 . ❛ no, there’s no 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒄𝒖𝒕 to the end . y’gotta actually go through the whole thing in order to get rewarded, surprising as that might sound . ❜ she folds the map into a small square and stuffs it into her back pocket, then, eyes turning back to letha . ❛ come on !! ❜
eyes roll dramatically as she drags behind her friend . feet are reluctant to follow , though once they’re within the first maze and nothing scary had come up behind then just yet , her shoulders were able to somewhat relax . ❝ you know what , you’re right , how could i possibly have forgotten ? ❞ arm maneuvers around so that their fingers were entwined , squeezing tightly once as her eyes darted to the walls around them . ❝ shut up ! when we get out of here just fine i’m not sharing any of it with you . ❞
an act of bravery has letha finally letting go of rosie’s hand , wiping her own sweaty palm off on her thigh before pulling her sweater closer to her body . she takes a moment to collect herself , to take a deep breath and prepare for the onslaught of jump scares that were to come . ❝ fine , if there no shortcut , can’t we just run through as fast as possible ? ❞ spoken with a smile this time , she knows that her questions and begging were futile . ❝ this is gonna be fun , ❞ reassurance spoken aloud to herself , she takes one more deep breath before her smile grows , gaze turning to rose before she begins walking forward .
Louise Glück, from “Mutable Earth”, Poems 1962-2012
I’m one of those people who likes the little things, like holding hands. It’s so simple and yet so fulfilling. Whether it’s walking around, to driving in the car, or even when you’re laying down together. When your fingers are just interlocked and one of you squeezes a little tighter. Or when they slowly run their thumb up and down the side of your fingers. For something so small and insignificant, it can leave chills throughout your whole body for hours.
﹠ ﹔ 𝒈𝒓𝒖𝒗𝒊𝒆𝒔 \ tammy thompson .
@withalisp said : so much for summer love ( tammy ! )
❝ no way you’re giving up that easy . ❞ tammy’s eyes roll in her head , hair falling over her shoulders as it shakes left to right . she follows closely after letha down one of the aisles , box of new stock balanced underneath one of her arms . ❝ sure , there might not be too many hot guys that’ll come into the store——but we’ll take our lunch breaks together and scope out the food court . ❞ laughter flows from her throat as she plucks lip glosses from their packaging , stacking them in a neat line on the shelf beside them . ❝ besides , who needs boys anyways ? ❞
fingertips dance over the feather boas hanging on the wall to her left , eyes rolling at tammy’s words . ❝ it’s not giving up , it’s facing facts . no one comes in here but twelve - year - old girls . ❞ stated as she looks towards her friend , face deadpanned . body drops to the ground , then , legs crossed one over the other as she begins unpacking more items from the box , stocking the lower shelves . neck cranes to look up at tammy , one brow raising in puzzled inquisition . ❝ sure we could do that . i guess i didn’t fully think it through when i applied for this job . ❞ lips purse to keep her own laughter in , an almost ashamed pink hue ghosting over the tops of her cheeks . ❝ you’re right---- i don’t need them , but it’s our last summer before college . i can’t go into that with one boyfriend’s worth of experience . ❞
endfght \ peter rumancek .
❛ 𝒘𝒐𝒂𝒉, 𝒍𝒂𝒅𝒚, ❜ hands raise palm - out, smirk on his face as he looks at her innocently . ❛ no need for such hostility . it was just a question . ❜ then he leans back in his seat, arms crossing comfortably over his chest as he watches the way that she eats in near - horror . one eyebrow raises, he offers his words carefully . ❛ y’know no one’s gonna try to steal ‘em . ❜
brows furrow , face twists into a faux - angry scowl . ❝ don’t call me lady , it makes me sound like i’m ancient . ❞ she shoots him a death glare , though it’s efficiency is lacking as the corner of her mouth turns in a subtle smile . ❝ no one except you . ❞ eyes roll , squinting at him as she pulls her food closer to her body .
