Cup noodles 💜

her pronouns are Marinette/Ladybug

"Did you ever have an imaginary friend?"

The beer can was thoughtfully swirled. "No," she said eventually. "I tried, though. It just - it didn't work."

The wind blew over the stoop, cool and smelling of rain.

"'Didn't work?'"

"I wanted it to work, it just - I was six, and I was in my dad's truck, and we were in the Wal-Mart parking lot at night - I don't remember why - and I thought, 'I should make an imaginary friend,' so I looked through the window and-"

She frowned. "Fuck. This sounds like a joke, but I made a Vaporeon. It was just a fully formed, perfect Vaporeon in a parking lot of a Wal-Mart. And I was so happy and I opened the door to make it jump in so I could take it home with me.

"But there was something - wrong with it. I'd made it perfectly, but I forgot to make it alive. It just sat and stared and I begged it to jump in the truck with me before my dad drove off, and it sat and stared, and we drove off and I was so sad and confused and - disappointed."

She wiggled the tab of the can. "It's still there," she said quietly. "I drive past that parking lot sometimes, and that same Vaporeon is still sitting in that spot. I've seen that parking lot get full to the tits in the middle of the holidays, I have never, not even once, seen someone park in the spot it's sitting in."

A car drove by. After a moment the frogs in the ditch started to chirp again.

She tipped her head back and downed the rest of the beer. "Anyways, that's what I think god's deal is," she said.

lack of protection . . .

I... I just had to

You did god’s work.

@tkingfisher I just read Attack of the Ninja Frogs with my kid

★ 【조철홍】 「 wonder woman 」 ☆ ✔ republished w/permission ⊳ ⊳ follow me on twitter

This has probably been done before (maybe even by me lmao) but I saw the twitter interaction and had to make this

Sugar???

i just saw the tag “canon complicit” instead of “canon compliant” and im laughing its like “canon is a criminal act that i unfortunately support with this fic”

The Three Grades:

Canon Compliant: “This fic goes along with canon.” (Because I like it? Because I’m too tired to disagree by writing my own fic? Who knows? The author may or may not tell us.)

Canon Compatible: “Listen, I know it ISN’T canon, but think of it as Microsoft Office for Mac, it’s COMPATIBLE with canon, and that counts.”

Canon Complicit: “I have not died a hero, so I have become an accessory to the Villainy of Canon.”

Canon Compatible is a great term for when your fic is Probably Not What Tolkien Would Have Wanted but it doesn’t really contradict anything in canon either

#you can install this fic without canon crashing and that’s what matters

I had an upsetting dream last night.

Tumblr.com bringing the good stuff

i swear it would be easier to explain if someone looked over my shoulder and saw me watching porn than to explain some of the posts on my damn dashboard…this being one of them

@daniexa I FOUND IT!!!

Un-find it!!!!

Oh this Hellsite makes things Better

i literally looked up Lordosis yesterday because I saw a video of a horse with a severe case of it.

and this photo came up. My superstitious mind is going into overdrive right now telling me seeing this fucking post THE NEXT DAY is no coincidence but all part of some elaborate message the cosmos is trying to tell me. Like “you better work on your posture or you will end up like this guy”

The canonical name for the Thanos Snap is The Decimation which is really underwhelming and etymologically incorrect.

The Duocimation doesn’t really roll of the tongue.

The Halfenning

The Cosmic Coin Toss.

Duck duck dust

The Shittiest Lottery

Going Halfsies 

foaming at the mouth thinking about how donna troy has been the emotionally mature “mom friend” to the titans since she was a young girl and how it contributed to everyone thinking it was normal for her to get married at 19 to a 29 yr old man

We all know that Qui-gon asking Shmi who Anakin’s father was was an incredibly personal question and if she was totally lying to him I support her in that however I was thinking about it and started dying bc. there are like. two plausible explanations for him asking and I find both of them somewhat hilarious

1. The Jedi have no concept of the wider social norms regarding things like pregnancy and single parenthood, etc. because the vast majority of them will never have children plus they’re a giant communal village of psychics. They have no idea what is and is not appropriate to ask. It is the one situation that their training cannot prepare them for

2. Qui-gon is looking down at the midichlorian count and back up at Anakin. And then back to the count and then back at Anakin again trying to figure out if this kid looks like anyone he knows. Sweet force that would be awkward. Maybe he should call Obi-Wan and ask him to look up the last time a Jedi was assigned to come to Tatooine. But no, no accessing that info without anyone’s consent would be rude. Surely it would be more polite to ask her directly.

This makes me want a story where the force, as an entity, 'borrows' the genetic code of a Jedi for the 'father' of Anakin Skywalker and some random, routine blood test after he becomes a padawan becomes much less routine.

For this I want to you to consider the amusement possiblities for the following.

-Somehow Obi Wan is genetically the father, never mind that Obi Wan was 16 when Anakin was concieved(Sometime in BBY 42 or early BBY 41) and due to a mission mishap had been temple bound from 43 BBY to 40 BBY.

-Some random Jedi Knight/Jedi Master is the father, bonus if their physical gender/species makes them incapable of fathering a human or near human child (Council Member: Skywalker is genetically Kel Dor? How? Healer: Nothing I have ever learned gives me an answer for that). Obi Wan clutches at the poor Jedi, becasue he is a greiving 25 year old with a nine year old, he needs someone.

-Everytime the healers run the genetics test, they match with a different Jedi. Obi Wan pops up every second or third test.

“And the father this time is… me.”

“Why, Master Che, I didn’t realize you get around!”

*various Jedi running away in fear*

Do y’all know where the phrase “eat the rich” comes from or do you just repeat it cause you heard it elsewhere?

It’s not a bad thing, I just saw someone say “we never said who would eat the rich” and realized a lot of y’all might not have heard the full quote

It’s from Rousseau and it’s “When the people shall have nothing more to eat, they will eat the rich"

And, well, there’s a lot of people with nothing to eat…

The poor cried,

“We are starving. There is no more bread, and we have nothing to eat.”

The rich man said,

“Not my problem you don’t work for your bread,”

as if he did not snatch away the grain by his own greedy hands and create filling bread for his own overflowing mouth.

The poor cried,

“We are dying. There is no more medicine, and we’re all ill.”

The rich man said,

“Not my problem you don’t take care of yourselves,”

as if he did not buy all the medicine and raise prices so high

the gods themselves would not

be able to reach.

The poor people

stopped crying,

and the rich man was satisfied…

Until they came knocking at his door one night;

their faces were sunken,

their flesh decaying,

their eyes sightless.

They were monsters

of the rich man’s

own making.

As they devoured his flesh,

the rich man cried,

“Please, spare me!”

The ravenous zombies said,

“Not our fault

you fattened yourself

for slaughter.”

Holy fucking shit

Now I really like that phrase

This is my new favorite phrase. This is so much more metal than I thought it was gonna be

collect my fucking masses and let’s eat the rich

Arthur: Don't they say that true loves kiss cures all curses? Merlin: Guess we're not each other's true love cause I've kissed you plenty of times but you're still under whatever horrible curse that was placed on you as a child that causes you to act like a prat