my little rain cloud

spn 6x20 // ned fulmer’s phone note apology, sept 27, 2022

it’s so surreal to me that supernatural went on for so long that the final arc of the show was literally the main characters screaming and begging and fighting for freedom and rest from a controlling and obsessive author/god who had been writing their lives up until that point, who simply would not let them die. it went on for so long that it went from being a show where the two leads used phones with antennae and made references to myspace, to being a show where they literally referenced the “sir, this is a wendy’s” meme and dean said “galaxy brained”. it went from being a dark and gritty show shot on film to being a show shot on digital where the saturation was so bright that it looked like a sitcom even at night. after 15 seasons, all the fear and grittiness and tension had been sucked out of the narrative. it devolved from story about choosing free will over destiny into a story about whether or not having free will is even possible after you’ve discovered that god has personally controlled your whole life. the transformation from “classic kripke era” supernatural into “network controlled never-ending” supernatural was literally played out in the storyline of the show itself. it’s unbelievable.

For @lengthofropes’ Creator Celebration 🔸 July 27: Lovers/ Turquoise / Angst ↳ Destiel & Love Tropes

This scene, which I have been thinking about ALL DAMN DAY since seeing this post, does of course break my heart along all the standard Dean and Castiel fault lines. There’s the knowledge that Castiel must have known how little chance he stood against Lucifer, the heartbreak of him walking into almost certain death just to buy a little more time, desperate as he is to come back with that win for Dean. There’s also, of course, the heartbreak of Dean’s entire reaction—the increasing urgency with which he calls Castiel’s name, the parallels to Sam and Jess in the pilot, his expression in the second gif as the initial shock fades and he realizes that Cas is about to choose to stay trapped in a different dimension, again, to leave Dean, again, to choose paying for his sins rather than being with Dean, again.

But I also love the depth that Sam’s reactions add to this scene—I don’t know that they were deliberate choices for these reasons, but I interpret them a certain way and I love what they tell us not just about Sam but about Dean and Cas. In the first gif,  Sam reacts quicker than Dean, flinching immediately when Castiel comes into contact with him, his whole body tensing to fight or to run. It doesn’t matter that Cas is a friend; Sam’s attention is so wired-in on Lucifer that everything kicks off a threat response. This is the constant that always breaks my heart: whenever Sam and Lucifer are in a room together, Sam is on a hair trigger. Dean is afraid of Lucifer, too, but Lucifer never hurt Dean the way he had decades in the Cage to hurt Sam. Lucifer never trapped Dean in his own head the way he did Sam. Sam’s terror of Lucifer is something he has pushed through time and again, but the memory still lives deep in his marrow, buried so far that it’s nearly instinct by this point. In Lucifer’s presence, Sam is simultaneously less aware of his surroundings and more hyperreactive to anything coming near him because he’s so focused on what his body perceives on a bone-deep level as the single most obliterative source of danger in the immediate vicinity.

But Dean seems to know, on an almost subconscious level, before he even turns his head, that it’s Castiel brushing past him. Maybe he recognizes the sound of Castiel’s footsteps, or the specific rustle of Castiel’s clothing, or the particular feel of Castiel’s arm against his own. Whatever subtle, subconscious cues Dean’s awareness is picking up on, it doesn’t cause him to put up a guard. He turns his head in confusion, but there’s no fight-or-fight reflex. On a completely unconscious and instinctual level, Dean’s body recognizes and registers Castiel’s presence as safe.

And then, as if that weren’t enough, there’s Sam’s reaction in the third gif. Sam’s reaching for Dean before Dean even starts moving. Sam realizes and processes what’s happening slightly faster than Dean and the first thing he knows is that his brother is going to run for Castiel. This is so clear to Sam that he moves before Dean has even started doing it, and this is the only reason that Sam is able to get Dean through that portal while Castiel distracts Lucifer. (I think there’s a lot to unpack here about how Sam and Cas have a tendency to not question each other’s tactical decisions, and how they don’t typically exhibit the same instinctual protectiveness toward each other that they do towards Dean or that Dean does towards them—that’s a whole other topic though.) Sam gets to Dean probably one second before Dean would have started after Castiel, and from Dean’s struggle in the fourth, final gif, I don’t think anyone other than Sam would’ve been able to successfully pull him back. Dean’s body is canted forward, his final call for Castiel is desperate, urgent. He fights against Sam’s arm for an instant before yielding, but there’s still shock and confusion and hurt warring in his expression. On a cerebral level Dean’s still processing the gut-punch of what the core of him has realized immediately and viscerally (that Cas is deliberately sacrificing himself, that Cas doesn’t know if he’s going to come back from this) and Dean is operating mostly on instinct right now: get to him, help him, don’t let him die, don’t lose him.

Sam’s able to pull Dean through the portal for the same reason that Dean was able to pull Sam out of that burning room in Palo Alto all those years ago: in the midst of your panic and fear, your body knows that you trust the person who is pulling you back. And because you are not thinking of your survival—because, in your shock and your desperation, you cannot think, you cannot breathe, you cannot do anything but scream a name and reach helplessly for the love of your life, your body grieves, and lets this person drag you to safety.

the french mistake was a documentary

spn au where everything’s the same except jack calls cas dad (aka cas gets what he deserves):

remember when he dropped to his knees crying in a world full of monsters to pray to his best friend lmao

me: hey how long is this thing going to last

someone: haha you just want to know when you’re off the hook

me: hah

me: (actually i just need to allocate the right expectations and backlog of energy and make sure the rest of my day falls in good accordance with it so that i don’t feel time-crunched and propel myself into a hysteria because if i don’t know how long this thing lasts or when it ends i can’t possibly know when literally anything else starts and my entire life becomes an unraveled realm of anarchy with no rhyme or reason and how is that not terrifying to you)

me: hey how long will this take

someone: oh like twenty minutes

me: ok

*an hour later*

me: *clinging to every learned social skill i can think of with the desperate hope my distress and exhaustion doesn’t show*

someone: hey we’re almost done don’t be so crabby

me: *smiling* *internally screaming at this SENSELESS CHAOS*

someone: hey do you want to do [involving time-consuming thing]

me: hey that sounds fun! when were you thinking?

someone: oh we’re doing it right now

me: oh. like. now-now? like right now. like you want me to stop what i’m doing and get up and do this thing with you, suddenly, with thirty seconds of warning. now. like this second. immediately. now?

“How long will it be?”

“Just a few minutes.”

Me, thirty minutes later, imagining all the things I could have done with that time.

my favorite thing jack does is #Male Manipulate people because he’s aware of his own cuteness and undeniable charm

maleBOSS

literally one episode later. learned to woobify himself and did not hold back

sorry to post about the shitty finale again but i do find it funny that everyone in the fandom just collectively decided that castiel straight up murdered kansas for dean's personal entertainment in heaven instead of just coming to the natural conclusion that a band of 70 year olds would actually just be logically dead by the time sam dies of old age

It's so funny that everyone was like omg how could Jack kill that snake when he was given what would the Winchesters do as advice. Like what do y'all think the Winchesters do for a living???

OMG this moment! Okay, so, this is one of the maybe two times in all of his existence that I disagree with how Cas explained the situation. 

What Jack did to Felix the snake wasn’t an absence of good, it was using Winchester logic and having a lack of understanding (read: non-”Winchester stupid” common sense). He sensed the snake was “sad” because he had lost his previous owner and sought to reunite them. That’s it. 

Now, thinking on this on a human level, yes he totally merc’d the snake. However, I want to raise the possibility that Jack, as a partially cosmic being who has existed across various planes and realities but also has limited life experience and understanding of human concepts, does not see death quite the same as a typical person might. To him, with half his parentage having resided in Heaven, Hell, and the Empty, I feel like it is arguable that Jack saw this moment as just moving Felix from one place to another in order to reunite him with Noah. The Winchesters saw it as a murder while Jack may have seen it more as a relocation. 

#um excuse me that’s MY husband

Hey, I read!

Ok but there actually was no reason for dean to pin doctor sexy against the wall like that while questioning him and intently studying his face. He just straight up wanted to do that

Dreams come true sometimes <3

happy friday this is my hsmnatural amv about life love & the pursuit of being a little shit to your father figure

(tfw 2.0 🤝 not sticking to the status quo)

cas is not wrong. i know I would die for them

dean winchester + star wars references