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I don't even know anymore...

@uncensored-and-psychotic / uncensored-and-psychotic.tumblr.com

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|| Ledger x Phoenix Joker's team of brothers ||

J sat in the car waiting for Arthur to get done at the pharmacy. He never understood why he bothered medicating. Healthcare was easily ripped from people. J preferred his darkness, he had embraced the bad; his reputation of crimes rooted back to the age of 8. Having just gotten out of prison he was still dressed in sweats, the only thing he owned was his wallet, boots, and watch. Seeing Arthur's pack of smokes resting on his cars dashboard J reaches to the driver side and picks it up. After he lit one up he cracked the window and exhaled.

"Why do you bother?" J asks with a sarcastic and apathetic tone. "Healthcare is fragile." He scoffs and chuckles.

"But you'll come back later though, right?" J asks, drinking some soda. He hadn't seen his brother in four years and he wanted to celebrate his freedom. "I'll have alcohol and weed." He coos, as if that would entice Arthur. Sure, he had indulged before but it was never much. "What are you doing these days for money?" J asks, needing some ideas.

Arthur blushes and scratches at his face.

"I'm... I'm a clown. Carnival. Ib between gigs right now but... but I make people smile."

He says scruffing his greasy brown hair.

"I can probably come by after Mother falls asleep."

"Well, making people smile is a goal of yours, you said so yourself! What's your next goal?" He asks, eating some more burger. J was goal oriented, he always had everything planned out. It just seemed like chaos. But to him it made sense.

"I... I don't want to live under Mother anymore!"

Arthur suddenly blurts. Freezing he looked shocked that he had admitted that outlook. Eyes cast down in shame he shifts uncomfortably and pushes his food away. He didn't deserve to eat. Not with the thoughts floating around his head when his medications started to wear off...

"Ey! No, none of that. Eat your fucking food you scrawny bitch." J snaps, hand hitting the table. "I think that's a great goal!" He informs Arthur. "Eventually she'll be dead and you'll need to know how to exist without her." He says. "You and her...why do you love her so much?" J scoffs, sipping his soda.

"She... She's our mother..."

Arthur answers as if he didn't understand the question. Children were supposed to love their parents. Even if they were neglectful and abusive. Arthur was dedicated to Penny in a way he didn't understand she had never been to him.

"So?!" J laughs, putting down his cup. "Look, Arthur...she was barely our mother. She's half brain dead. Thanks to Arkham. All she is to me is a burden, and now she's a burden on you, too. We are nothing but servants to her. Always have been. Always will be. Don't you see it?!" He laughs, shaking his head. "She's gotten in your head, hasn't she?" He asks.

He shifts uncomfortably.

"She... she's trying to get us help... Mother..."

He hesitates.

"Mother says Mr. Wayne will help us. She use to work for him you know."

He says repeating his mother's eternal ramblings even though he had never believed it himself.

"What?!" J laughs, shocked and amused. "What makes her think the Wayne's would help you two?" He laughs in an aggressive manner.

Arthur blushes embarrassed as he looks away.

"Sh-she... she worked f-for Mister Wayne. Sh-She s-says he treats s-staff like family. H-he wouldn't l-leave us like this."

He repeats. He hated how he sounded like her.

"Don't count on it." J says in dismissal, seeing how worked up Arthur was getting. "Eat your fucking food." He says, taking another bite of his burger. "From what I hear your brain needs more vitamins." He laughs, shaking his head. "From now on I want to see you once a day. I need to make sure you eat." He decides.

Complying with his brother's orders Arthur picks his burger back up. Feeling drained he just nods in agreement.

"Ok."

He mutters before taking a bite. Arthur is silent for the rest of his visit with his brother. Leaving with a reserved smile and a promise of returning he heads to the hospital to retrieve his mother. Her normal ramblings get on his nerves more then usually that evening. He grit his teeth as she talked about her newest letter and her want for him to mail it out for her. Sighing as he agrees yet again he zones out as Murry comes on. That's all he wanted. To make people happy.

The next day J shows up at the apartment, his sudden visit seems aggressive as he enters the second the door opened. Taking off his coat he walks up to Penny and stands between her and her gameshow.

"Hello mother...." J clears his throat. He didn't expect her to react with love and excitement so when she hugged him he just froze. Eyes wide he looks to Arthur then glances down at Penny as if to say: "a little help."

Stepping forward to collect their mother Arthur seemed sullen as he helps their mother back to her chair. Sitting silently on the couch he watched his brother. He didn't know why he was there but he assumed it wouldn't be anything pleasant. He had made his feelings about Penny clear.

"Arthur mentioned you were trying to get Thomas Wayne to help you two." He informs his mother, sitting next to Arthur. "How's that going?" He snickers.

Arthur shoots his brother a disgruntled look as he brings up their conversation from the day before. Grabbing his smokes he lights one up as he bounces his leg. Uncomfortable with the tension that grew between their mother and brother. This family reunion was just causing Arthur stress.

Hearing her delusional ramblings J just nods his head and looks to Arthur with a smirk. The look in his eyes communicated: you believe this craziness? Looking to Penny again J speaks.

"Well I think that you should leave Mr. Wayne alone...all you did was work for him back in the day. If I were him I wouldn't want anything to do with ex employees. Especially ones that write pity party letters every week." He says with an opinionated tone. "You're struggling? Let me help you two...." He offers with a caring smile, still sinister from his muscle damage in his cheeks. He didn't know how, considering he only had 3grand in his bank...but he could get them groceries at least. "What do you need?" He asks Arthur.

Scratching nervously at his leg Arthur's eyes trail up to his brother's.

"F-food. And... and Mother needs her scripts f-filled."

Arthur mentions deciding not to mention they were behind on rent.

"Well, I could do that." He nods, standing up. He heads to the kitchen and opens the fridge. Taking out a half empty bottle of apple juice and pours himself a glass after checking the cupboards. "Wow, you do need food." He whistles and sips his juice while opening the freezer. Just microwave meals. "Don't you know how to cook, Arthur?" J asks, knowing practically nothing about Arthur's skills or passions. All he knew was that Arthur was a timid people pleaser that wanted to make everyone smile. "I can teach you the ropes." He offers. "But I'm not a chef." He cautions as he enters the living room again. Sitting back down he lights up a smoke and stares ahead at the television.

Watching tv silently it isn't long before Penny starts rambling again.

"It's so nice to have both my boys back again. Oh look how handsome you both grew up to be. I always knew you two would be heart breakers. Why back when you were little the other mothers were always so jealous of how cute you two were. They would say; Penny those boys are~"

She continues as she stares at the boys on the couch. Arthur just scratches anxiously at his arm as she continued. He was use to tuning her out by now.

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|| Ledger x Phoenix Joker's team of brothers ||

J sat in the car waiting for Arthur to get done at the pharmacy. He never understood why he bothered medicating. Healthcare was easily ripped from people. J preferred his darkness, he had embraced the bad; his reputation of crimes rooted back to the age of 8. Having just gotten out of prison he was still dressed in sweats, the only thing he owned was his wallet, boots, and watch. Seeing Arthur's pack of smokes resting on his cars dashboard J reaches to the driver side and picks it up. After he lit one up he cracked the window and exhaled.

"Why do you bother?" J asks with a sarcastic and apathetic tone. "Healthcare is fragile." He scoffs and chuckles.

"If you die from starvation who will take care of Penny? I certainly won't be doing it. Get in, I'll drive. We're getting Hardee's." He decides, walking around the front of the car. Waiting for a car to pass before getting in to drive.

Groaning as J passes Arthur wipes his mouth before climbing into the passenger seat. Glancing over at J as they pull back onto the road he could help but think of how envious he was of him. He was always so confident. So assured in what he did, even if it got him in trouble. Why couldn't he be like that? Why was he so afraid of life while his brother lived it to the fullest?

The question ate at him.

Idling in the drive thru J looks to Arthur and taps his fingers in the steering wheel. Waiting for an employee to acknowledge them he seethes out a ride response.

"Finally! What are you doing back there? Eating children?" He laughs darkly, a subtle chuckle. "I'll have a number three." J orders, "Pibb to drink, light ice." He adds.

Feeling his stutter just below the surface Arthur shifts uncomfortably.

"S-same th-thing."

He forces out. Head lowered as J glared at him. He hated that look. Like he was being sized up...

"Two of those." He orders.

"What to drink?" the employee asks.

"I said two of those!!" J snaps. Being told the summary J pulls forward to the window. Pulling out his card he pays and hands Arthur his drink. Cranking the window back up to ward off the cold breeze he doesn't look away from his brother. "Ch-chin up, Funny guy... I g-got you." He teases encouragingly, the way only a brother could. When Arthur looked up at him J poked his nose and laughed. "I missed ya." He admits. "How have you been?" He asks as they waited.

Arthur smiles softly. As much as his brother intimated him he loved him.

"It's been... rough. People now a days... they're getting mean. All the time mean."

Arthur frowns rubbing his still bruised body.

"I just want to make people smile..."

He says sadly. He didn't understand why so many people seemed to dislike him. Even the other clowns were cruel to him.

"Well... don't let it get you down. Everyone is stressed, there's a lot happening." He says. "Besides, I'm in town now. You know I always stick close by." He says as reassurance. "Nobody's gonna be mean to my little bro and get away with it." He growls, noticing they were trying to hand him his food he rolled the window back down. Smiling at them he frowns at the steering wheel when he got no friendly smile back. "Here." He says, putting the hot bag of food on Arthur's lap. Driving off he takes them to a property J owned. Before he got out of prison he arranged for the utilities to be turned on.

Getting out he slips on ice and lands on his back.

"Oof!" He exclaims, grunting as he gained his breath back he laughs. At least his drink didn't spill. Climbing to his feet he slips and slides to the side door and unlocked it.

Arthur busts out in genuine laughter as his brother slips. Sides contracting he wipes his eyes as it subsidies and carefully follows behind into his brother's house. Looking around in awe he clung to his food.

"This place... is yours?!?"

He asks impressed.

"Yes. I bought it before I got arrested and I've been having men renovate all these four years." He informs Arthur. He takes off his coat and drapes it over a chair and then sits. "Food. Food. Food. Food. Food!" He says with a hungry goofiness as he grabs the bag and passes out the food. "When do you have to be back with Penny?" He asks after taking a bite of his burger.

"She's at the doctor till three. Then I have to pick her up."

Arthur says biting into his burger. Moaning around the food he forgot how good it could be. He qas grateful for his brother.

Joe looks to the microwave. "It's almost two now." He mentions. "Thank you for picking me up from the bus stop." He nods appreciatevly and eats some fries.

Checking his old watch Arthur frowns.

"Yeah... I'll have to leave after food. Can't leave mother waiting to get picked up."

He says, ever the good son. Even if Penny didn't appreciate his sacrifices.

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|| Ledger x Phoenix Joker's team of brothers ||

J sat in the car waiting for Arthur to get done at the pharmacy. He never understood why he bothered medicating. Healthcare was easily ripped from people. J preferred his darkness, he had embraced the bad; his reputation of crimes rooted back to the age of 8. Having just gotten out of prison he was still dressed in sweats, the only thing he owned was his wallet, boots, and watch. Seeing Arthur's pack of smokes resting on his cars dashboard J reaches to the driver side and picks it up. After he lit one up he cracked the window and exhaled.

"Why do you bother?" J asks with a sarcastic and apathetic tone. "Healthcare is fragile." He scoffs and chuckles.

Trying to force down the sickly laugh that bubbled up from the anxiety his older brother's questioning brought up Arthur rubs at his chest in frustration. Clearing his throat his tired emerald eyes glance over to his troubled sibling.

"Not all of us can live in the darkness J... I... I just want to make people laugh."

Placing his bag of medications against the driver's side door and away from his brother Arthur turns the engine over and slowly starts to head toward home.

"Mother is sick."

He mentions, face blank as he stares at the red light they idled at.

"She doesn't leave the house much. Her lungs are getting worse... She'll be happy to see you."

The old beater sputtered and popped as they picked up again. The road beneath them beating the worn too thin tires. The car always seemed to be on its last legs but seemed to hold itself together. Running his hands around the rim of the steering wheel Arthur thought of how he and the car were one in the same. Maybe a bit beat up but holding it together. He admired the old car for that.

J laughs at what Arthur said and smokes his cigarette more.

"I like when people smile, too." He admits. "They never smile at me." He frowns. "It's the scars." He gestures to his face. "To them I'm just a monster...it's exhausting." He seemed to deflate a bit.

Glancing over at his brother Arthur offered an understanding look.

"People.... they think I'm strange or.... or mean because of the laughing..."

Arthur admits sadly. It wasn't his fault he laughed at inopportune times. It was a condition. One he tried desperately to medicate but to no avail.

"People these days are so... serious.... they can't see the funny side of things. It's... it's uncomfortable."

"Yeah..." He ashes. "How long has mom been sick?" J asks, looking to Arthur. Frankly he didn't care, he had a turbulent relationship with her and her revolving door of boyfriends. "Well...I don't have anything to say about that." When he hears Arthur's response.

"She asks about you all the time you know. Especially after chemo."

Arthur's grip on the wheel tightens. He hated how sick she was. She was all he had. Sure J was his brother but he was perpetually in trouble. He was never around for long. Never long enough to care for Arthur. Frowning slightly he lights up a cigarette at a stop sign.

"I think she likes you better."

He mumbles under his breath.

"Ha!" J honks out. "You're funny! You got a job as a comedian now?" He laughs, smoking some more. "No way she likes me better, do you even remember our childhood?" He asks.

Arthur's body stiffens at the question. Brows cresting as more sickly laughter forces its way up he clasps a hand over his mouth in a desperate attempt to imped it's flow. The old beater wheezing and popping in solidarity with Arthur's troubles. The truth was he didn't remember their childhood. Not in the slightest. So much of his life was a blank. He hated it.

"You're driving into the next lane." J says with a bored tone, clearly not fearing death. Or destruction. "Why do you try to drive when you do that? Pull over, last thing we need is the police. I just got out of prison." He says when he finally evaluates the outcomes, tone chastising.

His brother's disapproval only served to worsen his laughter. Managing to pull over Arthur fumbles with the door handle before spilling out of the car. Stumbling around the back as his laughter starts to make him heave he vomits near the tail pipe. Dull green eyes staring down helplessly at the puddle. His only solace in the moment the slight drip, drip, drip, coming from the beater. It's liquid mixing with his own in the snow covered streets. At least it knew how he felt.

J got out a moment later and walked to the back of the car. Staring at his bent brother he inhales smoke and exhales before tossing his smoke into Arthur's vomit.

"When was the last time you ate?" He scoffs, boots shifting in the slushie snow on the sidewalk. He had money accumulated from his investing.

Looking up as far as his brother's knees Arthur's scrawny frame narrowed a bit.

"It's... it's been a while. Mother needs the food to stay strong through chemo."

He mutters before straightening up to his normal slouched stance. Arthur was taller and thinner then his brother but with his stoop they stood at nearly the same height.

"I'll be fine."

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jokerous

BATMAN: THREE JOKERS (2020)

“The Jokers exposed dozens to these chemicals… Criminals and doctors… People from different backgrounds… Each one candidate for this “better” Joker. A failed chemist. A deranged stalker. None have survived the process. Except these three.”
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