hey friends let’s talk about fahc chad
fake attack isn’t super big. they aren’t the fake ah crew, with their names and faces plastered over the news every other week and their logo spray painted on the roof of the maze bank. they aren’t fakehaus, with their glamorous west coast office and ardent fans.
they’re small, and they like it that way. the others can have their showy heists and fake attack can have their death battles and game shows.
now chad. chad is a goddamn evil genius and nobody suspects it. he’s this floppy-haired ginger with skinny jeans and a disarming smile. you walk into the room and he welcomes you with open arms and you feel at ease until you remember just what he does for a living -
which is build torture devices. they started out tame, of course, as you do, just a machine that whacks someone loudly in the nuts. repeatedly. but as fake attack’s death battles get more popular (WHO WOULD WIN: CORRUPT LOS SANTOS CHIEF OF POLICE OR CORRUPT CEO??) and they find themselves with a budget, chad’s creations start to get more elaborate.
- they start to involve more than one participant. (who thinks of strapping two people to opposite ends of a tube and having them try to blow an actual living wasp into the other’s mouth??)
- they start to get creative. (participants have a bungie cord attached to their heads and they have to try to reach an open flame – otherwise, they’ll get set on fire instead.)
- there’s a variation with marshmallows which chad really just uses to throw people off guard. marshmallows are nice, until the loser of the challenge gets them jammed down their throat until they suffocate.
- they start to get far, far bloodier (why have someone just get pommelled when they can get stabbed? the wasp game turns into trying to blow a blade propped up in a cork instead. there’s one where you spin a wheel to find out just what body part gets shot at when you lose trivia and another a poor sap gets used as a bowling ball - head first, against overly large and heavy pins. cleanup is bad.)
and finally, it becomes this weird sadistic game show that gets its own rep as absolutely terrifying and awful and when the crew’s enemies get taken, they’re given a chance to be on death battle or the game show and they like to pick death battle because they’re a 50/50 chance they’ll actually survive. (their choices aren’t necessarily honored, of course.)
he’s popular with everyone in the other crews because he’s charming and funny and is very effective at getting rid of people in entertaining ways. it’s his job, after all. it’s no surprise that he also ends up fast friends with ryan, becaue they’re of like minds and have similar interests (never mind that their interest is torture.) like ryan, he’s also absolutely terrifying.
the scariest thing about chad isn’t that he never once stops smiling while doing this. it isn’t that he’s constantly laughing even as he watches contestants bleed out or lose limbs or fight each other to the death.
the scariest thing about chad is that all his contraptions? all the things that pummel and stab and maim?
he tests them all on himself.