Voted wettest sounding video on tumblr
Me: wettest sound?
*turns on sound*
Me: oh. Yeah. That’s a wet sounding video
I need an umbrella to watch this video
>looking for a new cake video
>ask tumblr if their cake video is creepy or wet
>they dont understand
>pull out illustrated diagram explaining what is creepy and what is wet
>they laugh and say “it’s a good cake video sir”
>watch the video
>it’s wet
the dry erase calendar in my doctor's office says 'Narch'
the receptionist will def notice if I try to take a picture so here's my best artistic rendition of what it looks like
Last chance to reblog before Napril
Can't wait for Nay
galaxy brain humor in the notes rn
AYY HAPPY ONE YEAR TO NARCH <3
by talos this can’t be happening is a mandela effect because the actual phrase is by the gods this can’t be happening and i’ve never heard anyone say the former in game
by talos this can’t be happening
the phrase by talos this can’t be happening is actually from a rupaul roleplay blog who left their husband in a cage with no food and water for a few weeks and the husband died sorry to be the spoil sport but it does have an origin and it is a very tumblr origin in nature
Here’s the post they’re referring to for context
i love how cats use their little walnut brains to go, "hm. it appears mother is moving very quickly and carrying many things. i bet it would be very helpful if i got right in front of her feet. this will make everything work more smoothly and won't lead to mother almost launching herself down the stairs to avoid kicking me. i am so good at plans."
This book is River of Teeth by Sarah Gailey, and I highly recommend it if “extremely queer heist story of double-crossing and hippopotamuses” piques your interest.
I feel like this will appeal to many of my followers.
The fact he’s named kinda brushes over the fact this is a wild elephant. Born in the wild, raised in the wild, the only human interaction is watching the safaris. And after mean humans shot him, he decided the best course of action was to go visit the nice humans who just take pictures in hopes they’d help him. And then, even though they didn’t help him right away, he trusted that because they continued to be nice, he was safe, and they would help him.
also the people saw an elephant and were like “that’s a ben”
i hope he tells the other elephants where they can get help
Actually, they do!
Orphans who were rescued, raised, and released by the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust in Kenya have communicated that it is a place of safety to other elephants who’ve never even been there.
Injured animals will show up there when they have been harmed by poachers because they know it is a place where they can get help!
i am very glad elephants have a functioning yelp system
“Took a little while to get served the quality of service made up for it. 4/5 stars. Would reccomend”
-Ben the Elephant
“Just visit your local apex predator and they’ll help you for no reason”
Typed "IKEA" into google maps and for some reason it decided to show me pretty much every single IKEA location in the nordic countries combined instead of just the one closest to me and ngl I'm kinda obsessed with this review in Sweden
Another great one
Archeologists in 3047 stomping their feet and ripping their hair out over the ruins of an apparent furniture maze
For real, though, not all IKEAs are the same. Most of them you wander into, follow the arrows, wander out, discover you have spent several thousands on unpronounceable things you didn’t really need (normal furniture maze). Then there is the Kungens Kurva IKEA.
The Kungens Kurva IKEA is to a standard IKEA what Daedalus’s Labyrinth is to an ankle-high garden hedge. The first trial is finding the damn thing. Most attempts to drive there result in very pleasant views of the back and side as you carry on down the motorway following signs that never seem to actually lead to the building itself. Once you finally succeed in determining which of the road signs tell you the truth and which ones lie (hint: it’s all of them) you are welcomed by what appears to be a normal IKEA. You think the warning you got about the labyrinthine nature of your friends’ IKEA outing was about the journey there. After all, there is a reason both employees and customers choose to use the IKEA provided shuttle service to enter (and presumably eventually leave) the establishment. The roads outside are a Gordian knot of roundabouts and off ramps that lead only to other roundabouts.
Once you make it to the parking lot and begin to regain your land legs, you think the trial is over. But it is a vain belief. For the interior is a beautiful example of sympathetic infill. Rings inside rings of floors with overlapping arrows that always lead any traveller daring or foolhardy enough to traverse its depths unerringly back to the beginning. Questioning the employees at first seems to yield promising results as you can sometimes see glimpses of folk more successful than you eating their victory hotdogs. But then you realise that they have come back into the maze and when they turn around to point the way from whence they came are all astonishment to see behind them not the cash registers but more loops and swirls of Kallax furnishings and Djurskog stuffed animals leading in a dizzying array ever further from salvation.
It’s like the being who designed the store layout looked upon their first draft and said ‘if only the marvellously simple and easy-to-master game five-dimensional chess could be distilled into an approximation of a department store.’
The hotdogs are pretty good though.
Four stars.
Something about the Cardiff IKEA is powerfully dark and bad, buzzing with uncomfortable vibes. They have a hand carved wooden love spoon up on the wall (cultural!) and a sense of impending apocalypse. Not post-apocalyptic. Pre-apocalyptic, with a sense of something terrible just about to happen. Uncomfortable, unfathomable, simmering with strange tensions. Always out of everything, slightly filthy, and weirdly leaking, yet strangely packed with thousands of people. An hour away from the completely normal Bristol IKEA.
The amount of times I’ve asked a customer if they want a points number after they just gave me their points number.
I would like to add that I IDed a 38 year old man once
luckily I am safe from these situations because I am a neet
i work on Senior Discount Tuesdays at my local goodwill and often have to guess a customer’s age before i say “today is our senior discount day, may i ask if you’re 55 or older?” one customer just went “no.”
“54?”
“NO. i’m 44” and she pointed out that i hadn’t asked the person whom i had rung up immediately beforehand, and without thinking i said “well, she looked younger”
and i just. put my head down in my arms on the countertop for several seconds while the customer’s daughter burst out laughing
I was working in a grocery store deli and handed a customer a sample slice of cheese and said “good night”
It was around 2-3 in the afternoon.
One time at the movies the ticket lady said “have a good night!” (as in goodbye even tho I hadn’t seen the movie yet) and I replied with “thanks, enjoy your movie!” and we just stared at each other then burst out laughing
obsessed with this sticky note drawing someone made at the local bobas place
the self care industry will sell you face masks and teas and whatnot so i'm here to remind you not to forget the most important self care activity which is masturbation
If a worker who isn't the owner says ANYTHING similar to "I'm not really supposed to do this but-" and then does something that helps you, under no circumstances inform the business, including through reviews. You tell them that the worker was polite, professional, the very model of customer service and why you like to go there. You do not breathe a word of the rulebreaking.
Employee-customer solidarity
Even if they don't- Your review can be the thing that wrecks someone up accidentally;
"Janie was so helpful when I wanted to buy a new washing machine on Friday, she stayed with me for half an hour and wasn't pushy at all, we had a good laugh about our cats' silly antics and she got Adam and Suzy to carry it to the car for me- 10/10 excellent service, I'd come back any day!"
-But Management has a policy that workers should spend no more than 10 focused minutes on any customer at a time, and that they should always try to upsell the insurance and the higher price model, so Janie was breaking policy.
-And they aren't supposed to have their phones on the sales floor, so now Janie is going to be quizzed on whether she was showing photos of her cat to a customer.
-Adam is a warehouse worker and shouldn't have been in the front-of-house at all, Suzy is a porter, and store policy is both to use a trolley to move heavy items, and that only the porters should do it, so now Janie is in trouble for pulling Adam off-task, Adam is in trouble for walking through the shop floor, and Suzy is in trouble for poor handling procedure. Maybe the store even has a paid delivery service that Janie was supposed to upsell as soon as you said "I can't put this in my car without help", so this was all against policy.
Your review should always be as bland as possible, "10/10, five star service, will shop here again, thank you to Janie at the Town Street branch" You NEVER know what was technically a rule-break, capitalism is not your friend, the review process is part of the panopticon.
FIVE STARS, TEN OUT OF TEN, VERY GOOD, NOTHING MORE.
saw a tiktok of a mother taking her very tiny daughter to an art museum and she’s just walking around going “whoooa” “woooaah” to everything but then they got to a marble statue of a nude woman lying on her back and the girl points and goes “mommy🫵” and i just immediately welled up with tears and all the comments are just laughing about it and of course it’s funny but how are you not insanely moved by the way art connects everyone on earth from a centuries-old sculptor to a toddler in 2023
Mother and baby viewing Van Gogh's Madame Roulin and Her Baby at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston, US. By the Boston Herald
I’m not sure how to look at art by Lynda Barry
occasional posts from users
how to explain to non-americans that the better call saul ads aren’t exaggerated for comedic effect they are super normie
Morgan & Morgan. For the people.
Fieger Law: All We Do Is Win
What do you think he does
How you know you’re in the great state of Alabama
I don't have a picture, but our area is flooded with a dude holding a comedically large hammer and looking to sue the shit out of any truckers that have injured you.
🤨
THE TEXAS HAMMER
Alexander Shunnarah is such a big meme in Alabama that people got this man to attend anime conventions multiple years in a row as a special guest that furries and cosplayers can take pictures with and get autographs from. He's on nearly Every billboard in the state.
don't forget these jungle law billboards i have to pass every day
that doesn't even scratch the surface there are so so many of them
Detroit has the iconic Joumana Kayrouz. I've seen pictures from costume parties where someone goes dressed as her billboards
ask and ye shall receive
this one's for the angelinos in the chat
Also shout out to Las Vegas for whatever it is they're doing with these
Fuck it we bawl (starts sobbing uncontrollably)
