The Ecstasy of Frustration

This will be our pinned post and kind of give you an overview of what this blog is about.

Let's start with:

DESIRE - GENETICS - Reason #1 for Sex

I think the core of Chastity, for men or women, but in the case of this blog, for men, is the idea of DESIRE.

Desire comes from the core animal programming in all of us. Look at animals: They fuck. They just DO IT. Females get into heat, and males impregnate them, and the species survives.

Somehow even dogs know how to do this... It's a deep biological imperative.

Humans have a pre frontal cortex, and many others reasons for having sex than just procreation... but at our root... we are DRIVEN to have sex. It's in the blood, it's in the DNA.

Men walk around wanting to fuck every woman around them, on some level, because they have the evolutionary programing in them just like animals of all types do.

Humans are no different, and this basic desire obviously runs a huge portion of the world. Now yes, humans have bigger brains and many other reasons for wanting and having sex.

But at the core... they have the deep desire to procreate. Thus the mating ritual human's call courtship.

Most people would agree that their relationship to their partner was the most intense in the beginning. The courtship phase. And most relationships have some degree of trouble later on when this phase passes.

The core of this phase is that the man is pursuing the woman... and the woman is allowed to be coy, choosy, flirtatious and patient. The best courtships are not when you meet someone on the first date and just fuck... (though that happens)... it's when for the man you pursue... and for the woman you are pursued.

That's the juice, that's the game. In simple terms, he wants to fuck you, and you want to test him to see if he would make a good father and provider. If he just fucks you and leaves you, that doesn't work, ladies. If he gets pissed because you are being patient and gets demanding and turns into a fucking dick or is abusive, that doesn't work either.

The game is the best when he's pursuing you and enchanted by your charms, and you are having the joy of being pursued, playing coy, testing him, and frankly enjoying your power.

This is an area where women have so much power, choosing their mate in this way.

But It Fades

Once you are married the game of pursuit, of courtship... is over.

Also, there is real life.

Jobs. Kids. Family.

All of it saps that magical attraction.

Plus our current culture further denigrates the masculine in men and the feminine in women, thus reducing most intimacies to a boring match. It's like being married to your best friend, and the spark is gone.

Chastity Reinvigorates Desire

When a man puts on a cock cage, and gives the key to a woman... it often has the strange effect of instantly reinvigorating the intimacy. (Not always, but very often.)

The reason is that it rekindles Masculine Desire for his woman. Now... with the cage on, he has to work to get her attention and get that long awaited orgasm.

And for her... she can relax back into her Feminine and play the game she played all those years ago. She's BACK IN POWER.

Chastity leverages the First Reason for Sex - Genetic Desire. It rekindles and restarts the courtship game, and it keeps it going indefinitely.

MORE TO COME

Power Exchange

Humans are so interesting! We, like almost all other mammals have a hierarchical tribal system. It's born into us.

But only humans, as far as we can tell, have found a way to enhance and make that hierarchy, that status, that power... erotic.

For some people it's so erotic to have power over another.

We are not talking just enjoying the power for the power's sake... We are talking about it being SEXUALLY EROTIC.

Same with Submission. Why would losing power and having to do what someone else told you be erotic? Seems counter intuitive.

But for some, it is a fun and erotic journey once in a while.

Going out into public caged is always a thing... especially if she is dressed like this!

Men dream that women WANT them in Chastity.

Everything I Ask

It looks one way: Like she's a bitch who locked his cock and is making him do a lot of shit he doesn't want to do.

But that's not what it is. He loves her, she loves him, and they love playing this game, because the cage focuses his desire on her, and the cage gives her a measure of power and control and joy.

They work well together, in serving each other.

And he doesn't want to be told what to do all the time, like some child. He wants to do what she DESIRES him to do, because it gives her pleasure.

This is All You Get

After a fun weekend of play, this is often exactly what my wife tells me before we got to bed. I'm at the peak of frustration and desire for her, and all I can do it hold her naked body as she drifts off to sleep.

Damn...

This is much harder than it sounds. Sure, you can put yourself into chastity, but this game really needs two fully participating players. So getting your woman to want it and do it is another thing entirely. Luckily there are a lot of people here on Tumblr who have successfully figure it out, so search and ask around.

Core Principles of Chastity

This is a developing idea around the core principles of Chastity, so it might change over time, but this is where we are at... for now. And.. this is what works for us.

We should note this is concerning MALE Chastity. And our example here uses a WEEKEND of Chastity, but it could easily just be a day, or a night.

Principle #1 - Want it - Make The Decision For Him

For the ladies: Want him in Chastity. We'll discuss WHY you should want him in Chastity in another post, but for this game to work on any level, you need to WANT him in chastity. Desire it. If you don't, you can pretend at first, to see how it goes, give it a try, but eventually you have to WANT him in chastity.

Again, even if you have to pretend at first, for the nature of the game, give it a try. WANT IT. DESIRE IT. YEARN FOR IT.

And then, decide for him: He WILL BE in Chastity. Tell him. Try this: "I want you locked this weekend."

Or if you like a different flavor try this: "Baby, I need you locked this weekend."

We can go into this more later, but right now the principle to understand for the ladies is: Want him locked, and ask him, tell him, need him to be locked.

If you don't WANT him locked, it's going to feel funny and weird and uncomfortable. And yes, if you genuinely don't want him locked, and can't just try it, then absolutely do not do it.

And the next piece is really important to the game: You do need to take a bit of control by really needing him locked, or really demanding him be locked. Take the 'decision' out of his hands. He has to do this, he just HAS to.

That illusion of you taking control is the key to the game. Obviously you aren't in true control, since he's an adult human, but ladies, just try wanting it and demanding it. See what happens for a weekend. If you do these right... you'll have the start to a great weekend.

For the men: Don't whine and beg for it. She will hate that. You may REALLY want her to want it. If she doesn't, you can't whine about it. Just accept that and be present with her. Don't throw a fit.

If she doesn't take control and demand, or yearn for you to do it, same rule: Don't pout. Don't bitch. Don't whine.

Principle #2 - Put Him to Work

Give him something to do. Once he is locked, he's going to be really eager to please you. We discuss why chastity does this elsewhere, but believe us: Once the cage is locked, he's going to be both frustrated and excited, and that translates into pleasing you.

So take advantage of it. Have him do something for you. Demand it. Yearn for it. Play it up.

You might as well get something out of it. Have him do the dishes. The laundry. Give you a back rub. We like to do hour long shoulder rubs while we watch TV in the evening.

He's locked, and he wants to please you. So give him something to do to please you. It doesn't have to be onerous or nasty. But give him 'something' to do that you want, need, or demand. He'll do it and he'll be happy to do it.

Principle #3 - Receive Pleasure and Deny His - Tease and Deny

First, if he does a shitty job, don't pretend it's good. Show your DISPLEASURE. SHOW IT.

But... if he's done some good work for you, whatever it may be, then receive pleasure. Show him how much it delights you. Smile, laugh.

Then give him the ultimate pleasure. Seeing YOU in sexual pleasure. This usually takes the form of you having an orgasm, but doesn't always have to. If you really want to reward him, let him go down on you. This almost always is what he wants anyway, and is the ultimate reward for a caged man: To give his woman pleasure orally.

But not always. The key here is that he's doing all of this... FOR YOU. He wants to see you happy.

And if you are not happy, or you are half heartedly happy... the whole game goes to hell. These are the principles. The more you SHOW your AUTHENTIC joy, the more he's going to be eager to continue worshipping and serving you.

The point of the Chastity Cage is this: To give you pleasure. More and more and more pleasure. Not shallow minor pleasure, but deeper and deeper pleasure. And giving you that pleasure and seeing it in your body is what gives him pleaure.

There is little any man likes, chastity or not, than to see a woman genuinely in orgasmic pleasure. The feminine openness and light from pure orgasmic joy is an aphrodisiac for men.

So show your pleasure.

And then... after you have taken your pleasure... tease him and deny his own.

This may seem cruel, may seem counter intuitive. And it would be for men not into chastity. But for men into chastity, they don't want to cum. They want to be teased to within inches of coming... and then denied.

This might be the hardest principle to understand and to implement, but if you get it right, it works perfectly.

We do nipple torture. She usually sits astride him, he is not allowed to touch her, or if he is, only to hold her hips. Then she plays with his nipples until he almost cums. And then she does it again and again. It's torture. Until he begs to cum. This is an intense ritual that is powerful, (and this is the way we do it, so it might not work for everyone, you'll have to figure out how to tease him your own way). But the principle is tease him until he breaks, begs for an orgasm... and then tell him NO.

The way we do it is when she's finally done, she then rolls over and says, "It's bed time."

He's dying with frustration... and that's perfect. That's what he wants. It keeps the game going. (We'll discuss why in another post). But trust us. Say no. Roll over.

She likes to sleep naked after one of these episodes, keep him naked, and he spoons her and throbs in his cage holding naked body.

Pure torture. She drifts off to sleep, VERY HAPPY, filled with pleasure and especially enjoying that he's frustrated... and he goes to sleep filled with arousal, desire, and yes, frustration, but he LOVES THAT FRUSTRATION. It's energy. It's power. It's feeling alive.

Show your pleasure authentically, tease him endlessly, then deny him orgasm.

Try and you'll see. It will energize you both and create deeper connection and intimacy.

For the Men: Don't whine about not cumming, and take your frustration with manly silence. Hold her as she drifts off to sleep, making her feel safe and loved. Don't get out of the cage and go jerk off, etc. Stay with her in the frustration and hold her and love her.

Principle #4 - Praise Him / Praise Her

For the men: Praise her and thank her. You can't do this enough. Ply her with praise, how beautiful she is, how strong, how powerful, how sexy, how grateful you are for her in your life. Don't do this in a smothering way, but do it in a consistent manly way. She's almost certainly, at first, going to feel a little guilty or bad or uncomfortable with what she's done. She might feel selfish. Reassure her from your manly depth, she did it perfectly, even if she was new to it and stumbled. Be her rock in this moment.

For the ladies: Praise him. Understand that while loves opening you to deeper pleasure, he's also a bit worried about his manhood. After all... he's locked it away and that can cause a great deal of consternation and worry. Praise him as a man, who was willing to lock his cock away and serve you open into deeper pleasure, and deny his own (like a fucking warrior) and endure great frustration for you (like a fucking warrior). Tell him that and his worry will ease... and he will be all the more eager to serve you.

Let's Review

Ladies, want him and put him into chastity. Men don't whine, it's her choice. Then ladies, give him something to do, and men do it with calm depth and masculine quality. Next, ladies taker your pleasure and show it, and tease him and deny his. Men stay with her energy and don't wobble. Finally praise each other.

Those are the principles. You need all four.