Welcome. You may call me Simon or Simone, and I do not have any specific pronouns. I am the author of the Creature's Cookbook novel series, but more importantly, I'm a very old anthropophagic cryptid, or "people eating monster". Yes, a real one. No, not a clever performance art piece or a plea for attention. My books are classified as fiction, but that is entirely the point. I eat humans and I write about it, and for some reason, people find it amusing and don't take me seriously. Probably because you're not quite right in the head.
Please read the FAQ before asking me questions, as I hate to repeat myself.
Bo has been diagnosed with a degenerative bone disease. We discovered this because he suddenly couldn’t use his hind quarters or tails. It’s permanent. He has no control of his back. I have purchased him a wheelchair and diapers. He is on medications. But this condition will inevitably kill him. He’s only four. I am giving him everything I can to keep him comfortable and healthy. I do not want him to suffer.
It seems that the universe would rather I not pretend to be the proverbial “man” with a four legged best friend.
Hey Simon! It’s been a while I’ve been following you, and I was wondering if you’d have any advice. You seem a pretty knowledgeable fellow.
Do you know of any tips/tricks for being homeless? I’ve only been homeless with my father before so this will be the first time as an adult that I don’t have a home.
With the economy and job market the way it is I have fallen on some pretty hard times. My cousin only snagged a position that essentially has him fill gaps in the schedule. Don’t even get me started with the unemployment process! Lord that thing moves slower than molasses in December! None of our family is willing to help either, burnt bridges both ways I’m afraid.
It’s just my cousin and I against the world right now and let me tell you the world has some fierce hands 😅
Any advice would be appreciated.
Difficult to advise without knowledge of your experiences or resources to hand.
First, call your congressman.
I’m not joking. Dead serious. Call them and ask them the above question. Tell them all about your excellent employability and how strange it is that you can’t find work or a home given your imminent employability. Ask if they know of f any free showers to use, places to obtain potable water while living out doors etc. I’m serious. Do it. I promise you’ll have a reply. Their entire job is MEANT TO BE interfacing with the needs of constituents and they have an entire dedicated staff for this purpose. You may find the problem does have a solution, and that solution is someone else’s ambition. They want your vote. Make sure they know they can purchase it.
Second, come DM me, and I may be able to give you more targeted advice. You should not have to be homeless and it’s disgusting that in the supposed “best nation” you do. When in every other developed nation such would be insane.
I mean it. Call your congressman. Ask what they plan to do about their constituents choosing to live rough. See what happens.
this is so random but I dunno, you seem wise. If you don’t have any response or advice, then that’s quite alright, it’s not like this is your responsibility.
I’m in a dilemma where I am so attracted to this girl(I say girl not woman because we’re both teenagers) but I don’t know if I could have any kind of intimate relationship with her that wouldn’t be me using her. As in, even if she consented, I think she might just be too vulnerable and I’m not.
Because I believe that that wouldn’t be right, because I don’t think it would be ethical, I’ve decided I shouldn’t proposition her. But how should I move forward with these feelings? They’ve been hard to cope with. She’s so cute and I’m just someone that feels emotions intensely. How should I let go and just be friends with her?
Don’t worry, I’ll also consult a therapist about it soon.
Thank you.
Wisdom? Ha. I am not so stupid as to claim wisdom. Perspective? Age? Those I will claim.
Here is my reply.
Why do you have the right to decide what she is allowed to experience? That’s very self-centered, don’t you think? Doesn’t seem like you actually have a high opinion of her, if you think somehow you’re entitled to determine whether or not she is “being used”. Seems as if you think you’re smarter/more capable/more knowledgeable, and speak of her as if she’s fragile or weak, compared to your machinations or whatnot. No idea what sex you are, but that’s the kind of thing men tend to do to women that vexes them most.
My reply sounds harsh to you? Well, good, because hopefully it will show you how silly the above situation is.
It is perfectly fine to ask someone if they’d prefer to have only a physical relationship, with extra features to that, friendship and so forth, to be added as desired. There isn’t one type of relationship. There are many. And you can build one that suits you both. You could have a conversation about your mutual thoughts and make a decision together instead of deciding you ought to choose for her.
Don’t decide things for her, because that tells her you don’t respect her agency.
Or…could it be you’re making that choice so that you never have to face actually walking up to the girl and telling her how much you admire her. Terrifying, but one of the only experiences humans seem to feel with any intensity. Don’t deprive yourself of that emotional rollercoaster. I hear it’s one of humanity’s chief delights.
If she has a vulnerability you can see, then simply don’t exploit it, but instead make her aware of it and strengthen her. That, my friend is the active form of “love” such as humans feel it. By helping her tackle those things that make her vulnerable without exploiting them, you prove you are the sort who truly does have what it takes to be a safe place for her.
Do yourself a favor. Tell her you like her and end the debate. If she says no, you move on. Because now the question is moot. If she’s interested, well then you get the fun of establishing your boundaries and deciding what sort of relationship would be equitable. With her input, since she is a thinking feeling person and not an object.
Humans waste so much time agonizing rather than just solving. To hell with fear or nerves. Just do the thing and enjoy the next phase of existence.
I advise forthright honesty in all things. Yes it can make you vulnerable to others, but it’s also something that can provide you with incredible strength further down the road. being vulnerable with someone shows them you trust them and is the basis of a relationship.
Hi Simon. I want to share something that brought me great joy today, i saw the northern lights for the first time and i've always wanted to see those. I feel like i may die as a happy man now:) also i think i maybe saw a badger🦝
Ahhhhh that is something even I have never been able to do. Not even once. I too have always wanted to see them.
Do you have any advice for people currently residing in Arizona?
Abortion has been made almost entirely illegal and will now count as a felony if you get one or help perform one. This law goes into effect in a very short time, and I find myself wanting to act, but unsure how and in a manner that keeps myself safe and causes actual impact.
Honestly I'm not sure how I feel at the moment. Enraged. Numb. In disbelief.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
I did not answer this, because I knew the answer would be:
You march and you wait. Time is important. A lack of immediate change doesn’t mean it won’t happen. You simply need more weight on your side.
Physics.
The law has been repealed because of those two factors, but there are dozens of fights ahead. Keep fighting.
Allow me to explain. There are parts to that story that I did not tell you. The reason, my recordings of my short stories stopped where they did, is because I sat me down to write the missing pieces, and could not bring myself to do so. I have a heavy burden of guilt for my actions during that time. I was intent on having this man prove to the world what a monster he was so I exploited the mythology created by a conman. Unfortunately, this was the wrong thing to have done. I made the situation far worse and suffered at the time because of this poor decision. But by the time I realized I had some part in this catastrophe, it was too late for me to stop it. I had to carry it out to get it to stop.
I can tell you about anything you want to know about, but it is very difficult for me to address. I would be happy to try again at completing the story. I am not sure I can record it until I’ve processed how I feel.
I will see if I can attempt it this week, but I warn you that the story is somewhat triggering in many respects, including dealing with the magician. That specifically makes me feel very, how do the kids say these days? Skeeved out? Some such.
Guilles was a sick man surrounded by sick man. And I made it worse. It’s because of how that ended that I decided to never participate in any sort of vengeance again. And so for a long while, I did not use my abilities to aid humanity in any way. After that time, I eventually ended up in England . It was only then that I dipped a toe back in, because I believed that it would bring more peace. I was correct in that decision, and so after that maintained a kind of policy of distance. I only ever use my skills to build things, never to destroy them or tip a scale this way or that . Until I came to the wild West and people tried to kill me. It was my anger that drove me then, and capitalism made it possible for me to tip the scale in a way that was direct, but distant at once.
When I was younger, before I dared speak and could neither read nor write, my names were given to me, and so were either biblical or some variation of how they felt about me. It began me thinking on names and how they are magical. Ever since, I have chosen my names with great intent.
Simon! It’s good to see you posting! How are you and Wax doing?
Fairly well.
She just had her second birthday.
She sleeps in a bag next to my head and insist I tuck her in every night
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