O'knutzy week day 5
CW: Verbal fights, insecurity, minor cursing
The boys were going through Logan's stuff in Dumo's basement when Leo happened upon a cardboard box labeled 'Harvard'. Thinking nothing of it, he moved it to the bed and sat next to it.
"Lo, I found a packed box in your closet. It's labeled Harvard, keep or throw?"
After hearing the word Harvard, Logan came rushing across the room toward Leo. "I didn't even know I still had that box."
Finn came over then, all three of them sitting on the bed. Leo sat behind the box crisscross, while Logan sat on the left, and Finn on the right.
The room was silent while Leo waited for either of his boys to do something. Knowing that their time in college was hard on both of them, he moved to get up before Logan reached out to stop him by grabbing his hand.
"I want you here Peanut. You're one of the biggest parts of my life, and that makes you a part of this even if you weren't there."
Nodding, Leo moved back to his original position, this time holding both his boyfriend's hands.
Logan took his keys to the tape on the top of the box, and cut it open. He took a deep breath before he unfolded the flaps, freezing when he saw the familiar essay on top.
"Is that my Iliad analysis essay?" Finn asked, reaching to re-open the box.
Logan stopped him, gently laying his hand over Finn's. "I never expected to see you again when I took it. I always thought that we were just done. Then I got drafted to the lions a year after you, and with everything that went down, I never got around to dealing with this box."
Leo sat between his boys, mentally trying to keep up with the conversation. "What's so important about this specific essay?"
"It's the first and only essay that Fishy ever got a one hundred on. He had a really hard teacher his final year. We went out the night that he found out to celebrate. We got dinner, and I took him to his favorite bookstore at the time. That was the first night we ever slept in the same bed."
Finn and Logan smiled at each other, both reliving that night in their heads.
Leo again felt like he was intruding. Logically, he knew that his boys loved him and that they were just caught up in memories from the past eight years, but it still hurt to know that he didn't get to be a part of their lives when they were twenty and twenty-one.
Eventually, Logan reached into the box, pulling out a picture frame of the two boys on the steps to a nice house. "My mom took this when we moved out my sophomore year. I think she knew that I liked you, but she never said anything."
The next thing pulled out of the box was a Harvard hockey sweatshirt with O'Hara printed on the back.
"I knew you took that! I searched for it for days and never found it," Finn said, taking it from Logan's hands. "Honestly, I took yours. I knew they would give you another when they placed the orders for new team members so I took it the day I left."
"So you two have always been sweatshirt thieves. Good to know I'm not missing out on anything now." Leo knew it sounded meaner than he intended it to, but he felt like he was being forgotten about.
Finn and Logan dropped the sweatshirt and turned toward Leo.
"Leo, I love you Peanut, but I think you should go upstairs and help Celeste with the food for tonight. I know you love to cook. I really appreciate you trying to be here for me, and I know that this must be hard for you, but it's hard for us too," Logan paused, thinking about what to say next.
"We spent eight years together before we even knew you, and most of the memories weren't that happy for us. I think we just need a little bit of time to reflect on them and need the closure we'll get from talking about them," Finn picked up, grabbing Leo's hands. "We love you Nutter Butter, and going through these silly little things isn't going to change that. You are a part of us, and we love you."
Leo nodded, giving each of his boyfriends a kiss on the cheek, then walked up the steps to join Celeste in the kitchen. There were small pools of tears prickling in his eyes that were quickly falling when he finally made it to where Celeste was.
She didn't say anything, she just opened up her arms and Leo fell into them. They wrapped each other up, Celeste looking comically small next to the giant rookie.
"I promise you, mon bébé, they love you, but they need some time to sort through their unresolved issues. Just give them a little bit of time to get their shit together," Celeste said, slowly unwrapping her arms. "It took one of those two eight years to even get to the point that he could talk about his feelings, and the only reason he could is that he fell in love with you."
"Thank you, Celeste. You sound just like my mom."
"Having four kids will do that to you. Alright, no more sadness. We are going to bake some really delicious cupcakes, and you get to hold the fact that I like you more than everyone else, besides my husband, over the team's heads."
They spent the rest of the afternoon baking and cooking, getting ready for Logan's moving out/moving in party. After the team arrived, Logan and Finn were finally climbing the stairs with red faces and red-rimmed eyes.
They immediately walked over to their boyfriend, and Logan tackled him with a hug. "I'm sorry Lover Nut. I love you."
Leo didn't return the hug, he only loosely put one arm on Logan's hip. "It's fine Logan, but I'm a part of this now. I get that you two had or have unresolved issues, but you guys can't just kick me out when there's an issue between you. It's not just you two and sometimes me. I'm your boyfriend, not a casual hookup." Leo didn't stay to watch his boyfriend's reactions, just grabbed a tray of food to carry over the food table they had set up in the living room.
Of course, the team noticed his face. Ever the goalie, Leo rarely let anything show. He's one of those people who takes everything to heart but never lets people know, so to see him so visibly upset, the team knew something was wrong. However, they all knew better than to say anything.
They knew Leo would come to them if he needed to, but right now he just needs time to process.
Leo spent the rest of the night actively avoiding his boys. When it was finally time for everyone to head home, Leo pulled Remus aside. "Hey Loops, do you want to go out, or maybe grab a drink at your place or something?"
"What's going on Leo? You're always the first one to leave with your boys."
Leo paused, pulling Remus into the empty kitchen. "I may or may not have accused my boyfriends of treating me like a casual hookup. And by may, I mean did."
"Are they? Anyone who looks at you guys can see that you all love each other. Do you want to come over? Cap and I will drive you."
Leo just nodded, grabbed his things, and followed Remus out to Caps Range Rover, making sure neither Finn nor Logan saw him.
"No problem Leo. You know you can always talk to us. Anyone on the team really."
"I'm ok, but thanks, Cap."
They drove to Sirius' house, only ten minutes away and before they even got out of the car, Remus was already questioning him. "Why are your boyfriends asking the group chat if anyone's seen you?"
"I didn't tell them I was coming here."
Cap sighed, walking towards the door of his house. "I'm not harboring you like some fugitive. Tell them that you're okay, and if you want, that you're here, but I'm not letting you let them think you're missing."
It only took about twenty minutes for the boys to show up at the captain's house after Leo texted them. They knocked un-relentlessly on the door while they waited for someone to answer it.
Cap barely even had the door open before they were rushing into the living room. Leo saw Cap retreat into the kitchen, trying to give the three boys some space. "What the hell Leo? I get that you're mad at me, but you can't just disappear like that," Logan said, moving to pull Leo into a hug, but stopped when he was pushed off.
"No. You don't get to push me away, then get upset when I don't immediately come running back to you. I'm hurt and I'm not just going to just get over it to make you feel better about yourself."
Logan glared at him, and Finn just stood off to the side not willing to get in between his boyfriends.
"God! Can you just stop acting like a child? Finn and I were dealing with something, and I'm sorry we didn't make it all about you."
"That's not the freaking problem Logan! I get that it was something that you two had to deal with, but you kicked me out. I wasn't even able to be there to support you both. I was cast out and not allowed to be a part of the relationship you guys had and still have. I felt like you guys thought it was just you two in a relationship. It felt like you forgot I even existed."
"That's just stupid Leo, and you know it. We love you, and I'm sorry you don't get to have the history we have with each other, but not everything's about you. Get that through your thick skull! We both have lives that don't revolve around you." Logan was visibly angry. His eyes had changed from the glowing green they usually are to a dull dark color that reflected his mood.
"You're right, they just revolve around each other. It's always going to be you two together with me as an afterthought. I think I'm going to stay here tonight if it's okay with Cap and Loops. Please just go home. And for the record, my feelings aren't stupid."
Finn finally stepped in, moving closer to his younger boyfriend. "Okay Peanut, just know that we love you and we're sorry. Let me know if you need anything."
Leo nodded, pulling Finn into a loose hug. He looked at Logan over Finn's shoulder, glaring back at his shorter boyfriend.
"I don't think we're done here, Finn. I'm not just going to leave while Leo and I are fighting. If he has something he wants to say then he can just say it and get it over with. He's obviously upset over something."
"I just told you what I'm upset about, and you called it stupid, so I'd really appreciate it if you just left me alone to give me time to calm down. I really don't want to say something stupid."
"It's a little late for that don't you think? You've already opened your mouth, so there's no going back now."
Both Leo and Finn stayed quiet just staring at Logan. By the look on his face, he knew that what he said was messed up, and had really caused some hurt, but he couldn't take it back.
Finally, Leo opened his mouth, but it took a little bit of time before he could form any words. "I was already insecure about being with you two, but I thought if you even loved me a fraction as much as you loved each other that I could be happy, but it doesn't work like that. I'm so in love with you that sometimes it hurts to breathe when I know I've upset you guys. I can't look at a book without thinking about whether or not Finn would love this, or see a dog and think about how it would feel to have one of our own. I promised myself that I would be happy with the love I got from both of you, but I don't know how to do that when I always come in third. This fight wasn't about the memory you guys share, it's about the memories you're choosing to make without me. I know that I can't be there for everything, but you kicked me out. You purposefully discluded me for a reason I can't understand, and that's what hurts. So again, I'd really appreciate it if you would give me some time to process everything that was said this evening without any yelling. I love you two, and I'll come home when we can have an adult conversation without accusations flying around."
Finn just nodded, whispering an 'I love you' to his boyfriend before pulling Logan out of the Black house.
As soon as he heard the door close, Leo broke down. He dropped to his butt in the middle of the living room, quickly being pulled into a hug by Remus.
He whispered reassuring things into the blond's head as he cradled him on the floor. Cap soon joined them, carrying a mug of hot chocolate.
"He didn't say I love you back. He's never left without saying it back before."
All three men spent the night on the couch with Leo in the middle. It was comfortable, but it was no match to cuddling with his boys.
They all awoke around eleven a.m. to a few quick knocks on the door. Leo got up to open it, expecting to see a delivery, or a mailman or something, but was greeted by the sight of Logan who had clearly not slept, and had been crying.
"I'm sorry about everything I said last night. It wasn't fair to say any of that, and I'm sorry I didn't try to understand where you were coming from. I know that it's going to take you a while to forgive me, and I completely understand, but I love you and I am way more than willing to try to earn it. You are one of the loves of my life, and I don't know how I ever thought that you were anything less."
Leo went home that night after a little bit more time in the Black house. It wasn't easy when he got home. There was still a lot to talk about, and he was still feeling insecure, but they talked about it and tried to get a deeper understanding of everyone's emotions. There was more yelling, a lot of tears, and a whole carton of Ben and Jerry's discarded on the coffee table, but things were better for the three boys.
Is there a rushed ending because I was already a day and 30 minutes late?
Nooooo..... (Said sarcastically)
