LaffGaff

Did you hear about the man who only paid 5 cents for a prosthetic eye?

His name was Nikolai.

What do you get when you eat Uranium?

Atomic ache.

I went to a meeting of recovering hackers.

It was called Anonymous Anonymous.

I’ve started taking engraving lessons.

There’s still so much to learn, we’ve only just scratched the surface.

I tried watching a beaver documentary.

The stream kept stopping.

Want to know one of the most important lessons in learning how to play guitar?

Stay tuned.

A friend once told me, “You can’t go around saving everyone. They have to learn to save themselves.”

Great friend. Terrible lifeguard.

After ten years as Director of the “Ladder Enthusiasts Coalition”…

I’ve decided to step down.

Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker?

He wanted a well-balanced meal.

A friend of mine was in a great U2 tribute band.

Then they lost their Edge.

When I was a kid, bedtime was 9 pm and I couldn’t wait to be a grownup so I could go to bed anytime I wanted.

Turns out that is 9 pm.

I asked the librarian for a book on “Finding Bigfoot”.

She directed me to the large print section.

I had to give up my career as a photographer.

I kept losing focus.

I cook by making up a recipe and adding a German white wine.

It’s an add hock approach to cooking.

I walked by a rehab center the other day.

The sign on the lawn said, “Keep off the grass”.

Who is the saddest person in the pasta factory?

The guy who’s filling cannelloni.

My friend lost his job as a journalist at a classic rock magazine through musical differences.

He was always giving rave reviews.