My bank manager doesn’t give my business ideas the credit they deserve.

I forgot to go the dress rehearsal of a silent film I was supposed to be in.

Mime mistake.

Did you hear that the devil is going bald?

There’s gonna be hell toupee.

I’m planning on starting a jewellery business.

If you want to help, give me a ring.

What’s the best kind of advice to give to an architect?

Constructive criticism.

Why can’t skeletons play church music?

They don’t have any organs.

My friend insists on dressing as a nun to go to the casino.

It’s her gambling habit.

Someone asked me how you weigh a rhino.

I said, “It’s just like weighing a person, except on a much larger scale.”

My fireplace is sick.

I think it’s come down with the flue.

There are two typos of people in the world.

Those who proofread and those who don’t.

I asked the waiter if I could get 48 pancakes on a single plate.

He said he wasn’t sure, that’s a pretty tall order.

At first I was excited about my new job as a hotel receptionist.

Then I started to get reservations.

I told the doctor that I kept thinking I worked at a cinema.

He told me I was just projecting.

Research shows that laughing for 2 minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog.

So, now I’m sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.

They set up a giant Scrabble game at the local park.

I was gonna join, but the Q was too big.

Why do gold miners support ghosts?

Because they are pro-spectres.

Never use a cloud-based phone.

You’ll end up with mist calls.