Therapist: “Are you experiencing any suicidal thoughts?”

Me:

I was just about to spiral into a bad panic attack, and my boyfriend goes "Stick an ice cube in your mouth." I'm not really sure where he got the idea, and I kinda laughed at it because I didn't see how it would help, but he was insistent. So I did it.

And now I'm on my second cube, because it worked.

He explained his reasoning to me when he got home.

1. I would initially think "what the fuck" and be distracted from the anxiety. (Correct.)

2. The cold of the ice would shock my system, bringing me back to the physical world and reality, drawing my focus to the cold in my mouth, and keep my brain away from thinking "I'm panicking, I must be dying." (Correct.)

3. He assumed I hadn't drank much water today and wanted to keep me hydrated. (Triple correct.)

It also forced your mouth to make saliva!

When you go into fight or flight mode, non-crucial body functions stop working so you have more energy to do what you need to do to survive (oooor to spiral into a panic attack). By forcing yourself to make saliva it helps calm you down because since fight or flight is an all or nothing response, they can’t happen at the same time.

Learned that from my old therapist, who would use it with veterans with ptsd

I’m doing this right now and its working????

THIS! Do this!

Anxiety is an emotional thing BUT there are feedback systems in place in your body that pay attention to physical states as well, which is why you then experience raised heart rate and so on when anxious. Eliminate or confuse one feedback system? Reduce anxiety.

Go be free!

biting into a lemon also works

Btw, this is part of Dialectic Behavioural Therapy, DBT for short, which was invented by a woman with borderline. It doesn't only work with panic attacks but also self harm, negative thought spirals, and sometimes even intrusive flashbacks.

Eating very spicey stuff works as well. I used to keep little packets of wasabi in my jacket, and that saved me more times I can count.

What 2020 is all about:

It’s that time of the year again!

when lizzo said “self love is survival” and when hannah gadsby said “do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? it’s not humility. it’s humiliation” and when mitski said “i used to rebel by destroying myself, but realized that’s awfully convenient to the world. for some of us our best revolt is self preservation”

when audre lorde said “caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”

when Jenny Slate tweeted, “As the image of myself becomes sharper in my brain&more precious, I feel less afraid that someone else will erase me by denying me love”

one day you will wake up refreshed, drink coffee and be able to read a book the same way you did when you were little. you will have a cat who curls up to sleep on your lap or a playful dog who is happy to see you. you will be the kindest you can be, listening to stories, and checking up on people often. you will make pancakes in the morning and decorate your abode with plants, your old paintings and cozy cushions. you will fill photo albums with blurry photos of your new friends and road trips and summery evenings. you will visit your favorite bakery and library often, and keep in touch with people you love. things won’t be perfect, but you’ll be at peace with yourself and you will be in love with life again. 

person: why are you drinking coffee, don’t you have anxiety?? won’t that make it worse??

me:

if you ask someone to stop doing/saying something that makes you uncomfortable and they respond by making it all about their own hurt feelings until YOU end up apologising to THEM, that’s manipulation. shut it down.

“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”

“oh, so i’m a horrible person? i’m a bad friend? is that what you’re saying? maybe i should just leave you alone for good since everything i do seems to upset you.”

no. no. stop that. stop talking go to jail. 

“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”

“i’m so fucking sorry, i’m sorry, oh my god, i don’t deserve to be alive, all i ever do is screw up and hurt people, i’m a terrible person, please don’t hate me - ”

nope. that’s not it either. (also, please go to therapy.) 

“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”

“why does it make you uncomfortable? that seems like a weird thing to be uncomfortable about. please explain in minute detail and don’t forget to excavate the entirety of your tragic backstory so i can decide if it’s bad enough to justify your discomfort.”

this is very bad. please do not do this. 

“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”

“i mean, sure, but free speech - “ 

free speech means you can’t be legally sanctioned or imprisoned for saying certain things. it is not a “get out of jail free” card for being an asshole. next!

“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”

“okay, thank you for telling me. i may not fully understand why this thing is upsetting for you, but i will stop doing it because i care about your feelings.“ 

yes! YES!!!! this is it! well done! full marks! gold star!

ways to start feeling again

ok this is actually cool bc doing all of this is a technique called “mindful thinking” that is extremely useful for people with anxiety disorders and dissociation disorders and stuff!

It’s Monday did you take your medicine ?

It’s Tuesday did you take your medicine ?

It’s Wednesday did you take your medicine ?

It’s Thursday did you take your medicine ?

It’s Friday did you take your medicine ?

It’s Saturday did you take your medicine ?

It’s Sunday did you take your medicine ?

This actually reminded me to take my meds, thank you

Why "doing something relaxing” does not help your anxiety

A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.

This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.  

THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.

You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind. 

People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.

In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture. 

Therefore, I present to you: 

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS

–Go on a walk

–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.

–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching

–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind

–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift 

–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:

–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.

–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see. 

–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in. 

–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.) 

–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety. 

–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel. 

–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless. 

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:

–List the capitals of all the U.S. states

–List the capitals of all the European countries

–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors. 

–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.

–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.  

Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself.  I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too. 

(Now this shouldn’t have to be said but if the “do nots” work for you then by all means do them. They’ve just never worked for me.)

This would’ve been great an hour ago

If your anxiety includes rapid heartbeat for no reason then it may help to exercise! It helps for me because I’m focused on whatever moves I’m doing and breathing, and it gives my heart rate a reason to be that high so that I can start the slow cooking down process and (hopefully) bring that heart rate down with it. Look up a quick cardio workout on YouTube or something and just do it in your room!

This is so, SO true. 

All ‘doing something relaxing’ ever did for me was give my brain MORE free time to FREAK THE FUCK OUT. 

I like how this boil down to grabbing something then tell the brains weasels to GO FETCH YOU PIECES OF SHIT

I mean. 

That’s basically it tho. 

x

“i can’t do simple hygiene bc im depressed” that’s easy babe! just do simple hygiene

Y’all always have to wallow in your misery instead of considering maybe, just maybe, the encouragement people like this give is just telling people to do one, easy thing instead of worrying about a whole routine. Can’t make yourself shower? That’s fine, just brush your teeth. Don’t have the energy to do your hair? Okay, just brush your teeth.

Making 1 small change that can start improving your mood leads to other small changes. When I couldn’t make myself shower I would make sure I changed underwear every day. And then I started using baby wipes to keep myself fresh. And then I worked my way back to trying to take showers every day. My record might not be perfect but I’m getting better.

It’s really unhealthy to keep the mindset that anyone who isn’t miserable and suffering under their mental illness or emotional problems doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Maybe they’ve just grown to learn how to love and care for themselves in spite of what they’re going through.

I don’t know what any of you people think professional help looks like, but when you walk in and say “i’m too depressed to do anything” they don’t just nod and say “well you’re broken forever i guess”. they don’t say “here take this pill and it’ll fix everything”. they work with you one step at a time and explain to you that you CAN in fact do simple things even though you’re depressed. it isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible, it just happens in small steps, but it isn’t getting any easier when you react to every instance of someone trying to help by refusing to listen.

The advice he gives is seriously so solid. A lot of times it’s hard to motivate yourself to do something because it seems too daunting to commit to a full routine, so doing one simple thing can help you get motivated for the next simple thing and so on and so forth. Other posters are right, therapists, at least the ones worth anything, don’t just throw pills at you and tell you you’re never going to improve oh well, they give you simple manageable tips to improve your situation.

Recovery is about baby steps at a gentle pace, not using it as a crutch to never ever try to make your situation better. No one said recovery is easy, but it does take at least a smidgeon of willpower/effort on your part. You have to want it enough to be willing to try. I’m not saying you have to Just Do It and fix your life overnight but if you aren’t willing to try then no one can help you. 

PRAISE THE LORD

The brush your teeth thing is also really good advice because it’s really important to maintain dental hygiene to avoid ruining your teeth/mouth and needing a lot of dental help to heal from that. 

If you can’t do anything else, just brush your teeth. This is the best thing you can do to help yourself long term. 

-FemaleWarrior, She/They 

FULL List of Recovery Books:

Mental Health:

Bipolar Disorder:

Eating Disorder:

Self Injury:

Chakras:

Creativity/Workbooks/Journals:

Other:

BOLD are books I currently own and ITALICS are some of the top books on my list of one’s I’d like to buy.

Hi Everyone!!

So I started an Amazon Storefront (https://www.amazon.com/shop/cole_ashleyy) and will be putting all of these books on there so you can find them all easily. I can also update the list as I find / read more books. 

They’re not there yet but I will be working on getting them all up today through tomorrow!

Notes to Thirteen Year Old Girls

When your best friend tells you all she had for breakfast Was a packet of Splenda and a Diet Coke, And she tells you that she’ll stop after she loses five more pounds, Do not believe her. Tell her mother. It does not matter how angry your friend gets. The pain of that will always be preferable to the pain Of seeing your best friend in four years Weighing as much as she does now Half-dead in the hospital.

When your father sneaks into your bed in the dead of the night, And he tells you that this is how fathers love their daughters, Do not believe him. Tell your English teacher. She will have read millions of stories of girls like you. There is a one in six chance that she will be a girl like you. There is a five in six chance that she will know what to say to you. There is a six in six chance that she will help you.

When your veins whisper to you in the moonlight And say that there are so many nightmares inside you That could be free If you would just open your arms, Do not believe them. Tell your school’s guidance counselor, No matter how scared you are Because whispers are liars, And opening your arms will only open the passage For more nightmares to climb in.

And when the therapists say that you are better, Totally better, And you don’t need to worry about the sadness again, Do not believe them. Always be cautious, because sadness has a way Of sneaking up on you When you’re not looking. Be careful. Be careful.

what to do when everything’s a mess