What does blaming James mean?
April 10, 2017, Monday [#107]
I’ve seen posts telling people not to blame James. I don’t know really understand what they mean, so I’ll talk my feelings on the issue.
I WILL NOT blame James for being pursued by Yasmin, because he didn’t know anything about it. He was honestly oblivious to it all until Yasmin herself let the cat out of the bag.
However, I WILL blame James if, in a future chapter, we get confirmation that he has agreed to be in a physical relationship with Yasmin to save his movie.
Because if he lets Yasmin use him in that way, he will be condoning her actions.
It doesn’t matter if he loves the MC, or if he hates Yasmin.
It doesn’t matter that he didn’t ask for this.
It doesn’t matter that he’s letting her do what she wants only because she’s a big player in Hollywood and his career might be ruined forever if he makes her mad. By saying yes to her, he will be condoning Yasmin’s actions.
The harder decision would be to cut her off completely, even if it means being blacklisted in Hollywood forever. That would be a huge sacrifice on his part - but it’s also the only honorable action he could take because the MC doesn’t matter in this case - James needs to respect himself. He needs to know that he will not let himself be used.
If he agrees to what she wants, he would be showing that he is willing to sacrifice personal integrity in favor of professional success. I would still be his friend, but I would break up with him as soon as the game gives me the option to do so.
However, since the end-of-book dance has been mentioned, I’m guessing he’ll agonize about the issue for a couple of chapters before courageously refusing Yasmin and flying back to the MC in a dramatic romantic gesture, most likely showing up the night before the end-of-book dance 😆
(Waiting for H.W.U. to come back, forever and always; 10/04/17.)
ooooooh my gooooood if James agrees to sleep with Yasmin because if he doesn’t she’ll ruin his entire career and future that isn’t consent that is rape
Like??? Do you not realize how shitty of a situation James is in and it’s not as easy as just walking away? He’s not condoning Yasmin’s actions???? He’s scared and confused and trapped between a rock and a hard place and it’s not that easy it’s not that easy. It’s not him going “yeah lol she’s threatening my career and future but it’s cool” it’s him being forced into something he doesn’t want but doesn’t see a way out of.
This is so unsympathetic towards his situation please block me.
[R #22] @piixelberry: Maybe that’s where we’re not understanding each other?
I’m going to say some things now. With sensitive topics like this, statements can appear sarcastic or mocking, and I certainly don’t intend on being either of those things, so I would like to ask you to imagine me saying what you read after this in a thoughtful, curious way.
I think what’s confusing me about people’s reactions is their definition of rape versus what I’ve always thought was the definition of rape.
I am not saying it isn’t rape.
I’m just saying that it’s hard for me, personally, to view it as rape.
With James, personally, I am having a hard time seeing it that way because of his unique set of circumstances.
The thing is, Yasmin may be this hot-shot agent, but she’s not the only agent in Hollywood. She may seem like this industry giant to us, but that’s only because she’s the only industry giant we’ve seen in the game. Refusing her doesn’t necessarily mean being blacklisted from Hollywood forever.
If James refuses her and she cancels his movie, he has a loving support system to go back to - his friends, family, his school. He does not need this movie to put food on the table, save his or somebody else’s life, or protect his or somebody else’s well-being or standard of living.
By refusing Yasmin, James would be walking away from his FIRST chance in the industry - not his ONLY chance in the industry.
I will never blame a victim of sexual harassment for the perpetrator’s actions.
I don’t blame him for his initial gut reaction of thinking of his movie and his future.
What I am hoping for is that, after James calms down,and after he has had a lot of time to think about things and consider the situation from all angles… I hope he knows that the right thing to do would be to walk away from the situation, knowing that his friends and family will support his decision.
And as for what you said about blocking you, I won’t. While we may not be seeing eye to eye on this particular issue, I would hate to miss out on a potential friend 😔 I think that we’re both coming from a place of wanting to be as respectful to victims as possible, and we can work from there.
I’ve read your reply to my original post, just as I’ve read @graleister‘s reply to my original post, and now that I’ve replied to both of you, I would welcome what you have to say in response.
However, if either of you, or if anybody else would like to weigh in on this issue, I would like to request that you do so without using profanity, without condescension, and without assuming that I’m this horrible person who totally wants to blame rape victims for being raped.
(Waiting for H.W.U. to come back, forever and always; 10/04/17.)
Okay, so initially I wasn’t going to involve myself directly in this discussion because I didn’t want to make it worse and I wanted to allow you @firefly-hwufanficwriter to say your own piece. Now you have and I feel you’ve done a great job explaining your POV and dispelling any misunderstandings. So at this point I’m mostly trying to be a voice of agreement and understanding of your initial post because unfortunately the only voices speaking out are those in disagreement, anger, and in some cases disrespect.
Yes, I said it…disrespect. Because it is extremely disrespectful to use some of the language I’ve been seeing in some of the responses. It’s okay to not see eye to eye but there’s no need for the attacking, inflammatory words. I’ll leave it at that.
Second I urge folks to ensure you understand the definition of the terms you’re using. Sexual harassment and rape are not the same thing. Look it up…I promise you’ll see the difference. Improperly defining what is currently happening to James is a big part of the more upsetting responses, I think. That’s the only reason I’m mentioning it.
I also agree that things are being taken out of context. If read in it’s entirety, it was apparent to me that the post was not saying that it’s James’ fault he’s being harassed. There was no victim blame or shame that I saw. James does indeed have a choice to make and it’s a hard one. But he seems more distressed by the reality that his movie and his dream of sharing his true artistic vision with the world isn’t happening…not that he’s going to have to sleep with Yasmin to stay afloat. That’s just my observation. Her harassing him is not okay and throwing his career into the mix is unfortunate. Still at this moment in time, he can make a choice. Hopefully he makes one in line with his character.
And speaking of his career, I do think that Yasmin’s power is being overestimated at times. As @firefly-hwufanficwriter said, this one movie and one agent may not make or break his career. James did express that concern last chapter but he is also new to Hollywood and has things to learn about the business. But, as was also mentioned, even if it does break his career in Hollywood, he has a home, support system, and career path to return to in Hartfield. Besides, this movie isn’t really representing who he is anyway so the more important question is, how much does he think he needs to tolerate when it comes to his artistic integrity and overall happiness?
I believe James is strong. I believe he has artistic and personal integrity. He is in his right mind at this moment and can make an informed choice regardless of Yasmin and her threats. Hopefully he follows his heart in this matter.
I just wanted to tell you OP that you are obviously not a horrible person. Your compassion and concern show through your well thought out responses. You clearly respect others because you’ve gone out of your way to explain and be sensitive to everyone and I appreciate it. Thank you! 😊
@choicesmyway You are amazing! Always finding the right words. I agree with everything you just said. 🙌🏻
Oh boy. I saw this yesterday and wasn’t sure if I wanted to say something but I can see where @firefly-hwufanficwriter , @choicesmyway @justapapercut are coming from. My heart goes to people that have experience leveling degrees of harassment and even worse, rape and even consider this type of conversation as very sensitive and are hard pressed to discuss it. I can’t imagine what the latter is like. However a person shouldn’t be so keen to chalk their experiences as being (or going) into the same direction. I am not saying there might not be connection, but automatically taking a piece of what someone else is saying and running away with it to its extreme doesn’t mean it will occur.
I also believe James is a strong character and he values his artistic and personal integrity over most things. James didn’t want to see things MC the way MC has indicated to be, because he wanted to be able to believe the best about Yasmin. On paper Yasmin seems like a good agent. She helped Professor Vasquez make money, and she initially was doing him a favor by watching James play before saying it was marketable. James didn’t want to compromise his values or his working relationship with her because of how much he’s put on the line (his schooling, moving to California) in order to pursue this movie deal. However, we’ve consistently seen on James part a struggle of realizing his dream. Is this what he wants to do for the rest of his life? Can he compromise his artistic beliefs for a movie? Even Professor Vasquez cautioned the morality of this far before he agreed to it. If its the business of Hollywood to change said dreams in order to make a film marketable - James has to be able to make the conscious choice/conscious decision that he’s okay with this. As the readers (and as MC) we’ve seen him struggle with this reality.
However, as we’ve also seen in the latest chapter when Yasmin has been the subject of conversation with her advances towards James and has allowed her her ..feelings to be known. His automatic response was being flabbergasted and shocked. This is like an eye opener for him to realize how Yasmin was pretty much taking advantage of his naivete. She has said it before that she wanted to change his movie and has stated that it’s all for his best (which is ridiculous and I don’t agree) but this uncomfortable-ness had to occur in order for James to realize that Yasmin has crossed the line. James is an adult,, and that isn’t to excuse Yasmin’s advances but understanding OP’s point is very imperative here. I cannot withdraw all responsibility on James part, going forward whatever he chooses to do - a part of that owness is on him. It’s ridiculous to me , to completely leave him blameless and helpless.He has a voice. It’s important to anyone in realizing that James doesn’t have to sit back and take everything that happens to him. He can walk away. He understands what sexual harassment is and we realize quite fast that he isn’t okay with this. And he shouldn’t be, but again sexual harassment and rape even as far as text book definitions go are not the same. One may escalate to the other but comparing the two as the same is problematic. I also think that some of what OP has said is being taken out of context; in no way has OP ever said she’s blaming James - that it’s his fault Yasmin is being unprofessional towards him. OP does recognize that Yasmin is the instigator however staying under those circumstances after realizing Yasmin’s advances is the issue here.
James is also not some struggling artist. He comes from a background where he’s never had to worry about making extra cash (or making ends meet) because of growing up wealthy. He also had the opportunity to attend a very prestigious school and hell, pursued his dreams of literature. That’s more than what I can for most, if we are going to compare other people’s experiences here. Realistically, I don’t believe this will be his only chance at Hollywood either. He’s passionate and very driven. He probably has connections with other literature students, and a part from his own background - I do not think one agent can simply ruin his chances. Maybe that’s a little of ignorance on my side because I don’t actually know the politics of Hollywood and how to invent yourself in that kind of atmosphere but speaking from a rational place here - one run-in with one agent shouldn’t ruin his entire basis of his career before it’s really even started. I can also hope after being able to analyze the situation and look at his options that James can come to a better decision in order to remove himself from those circumstances - unless as OP said, he chooses to move forward instead. Not being able to see that as his decision to make is crucial in understanding I think where the other person is coming from.
Thanks OP for having the courage and for being able to write out your thoughts in such a cohesive and respectful manner. You aren’t a horrible person. You have just as much right to openly discuss your feelings in a way that keeps allowing for other people to comment and share their thoughts as anyone else. I acknowledge the other side for being able to also provide points; but I just wanted to caution that it’s important to be able to see multiple sides and to not let only emotion dictate your judgement. That’s pretty important to consider for any discussion to take place without attacking the other person. Attack their basis of argument with points but attacking them on a personal level doesn’t help anyone. Also - profanity for the sake of anger, isn’t cool. Sorry, we should be able to respect each other and input our thoughts in a safe environment.
Thanks to everyone as a fandom for being a safe space for people to discuss and share their opinions!
Tag me. Next time, tag me. Tag me. All of you tag me. I know I'm the disrespectful bitch in question.
1) I acknowledged that my initial response was overemotional, not cohesive, and harsh. Disagree with my follow-up too, if you wish. I cannot take, however, this implication that it’s yet another example of “only emotion [dictating my] judgement” (It’s spelled “judgment”, by the way!). I analyzed; I researched; I was objective. Perhaps not fully objective, but that is something. I. Have. Acknowledged. It does not refute everything I say. It does not mean everything I say is purely emotional and wrong. (Sidebar: It drives me insane, the idea that I’m being deemed intellectually deficient or something. I have a record of consistently exemplary scholastic achievement, including a trophy just for being remarkably smart + a whole-page piece written about my brains in our closing ceremony booklet. I have taken miscellaneous aptitude tests -- yes, including the logic-oriented variety, this particular one taking place after a night of zero sleep. In each instance, I received a high score. Gifted IQ.)
2) “Second I urge folks to ensure you understand the definition of the terms you’re using. Sexual harassment and rape are not the same thing. Look it up…I promise you’ll see the difference.” Acknowledged this as well. Will you acknowledge that sexual harassment, even though it’s a “lesser” crime, also has lasting effects on victims? “But he seems more distressed by the reality that his movie and his dream of sharing his true artistic vision with the world isn’t happening…not that he’s going to have to sleep with Yasmin to stay afloat. That’s just my observation.” My observation is that as a person who has experienced sexual harassment, I know how a traumatized victim acts. I acted like him. After my first brush, my immediate reaction was like James’s; but soon I was defiant. “It was nothing! I’ll go out! I’ll go out again and face the world!” But I was scarred. I am scarred. I’m not saying every survivor’s experience is the same; I’m just saying that it feels a teeny fucking bit like your lot is refusing to seriously take my insight into consideration because I’m not being fucking respectful and respectable enough. Did you miss the part where I recognized the need for more than my own experiences too? In addition to firsthand knowledge, I Googled shit, added links. What I found corroborated my thoughts on the matter.
3) “It’s important to anyone in realizing that James doesn’t have to sit back and take everything that happens to him. He can walk away.” Alright, let me ask this question again: WHY? THE? FUCK? is it so important to you people that James has the sense to walk away? What I mean is that it’s important in the sense that you won’t sympathize unless he does. The one who’s going to be experiencing unwanted sexual experiences is J A M E S. You want him to take responsibility for hurting himself? Why? How? Why is it so important to you all that he does that? Why? Why can’t you just sympathize with him? Why is it so important that it’s his fault and that there is blame to be put on him? Why?
4) “in no way has OP ever said she’s blaming James”
In no way. Has OP ever said. Blame James.
5) “James is also not some struggling artist. He comes from a background where he’s never had to worry about making extra cash (or making ends meet) because of growing up wealthy. He also had the opportunity to attend a very prestigious school and hell, pursued his dreams of literature. That’s more than what I can for most, if we are going to compare other people’s experiences here. Realistically, I don’t believe this will be his only chance at Hollywood either. He’s passionate and very driven. He probably has connections with other literature students, and a part from his own background - I do not think one agent can simply ruin his chances. Maybe that’s a little of ignorance on my side because I don’t actually know the politics of Hollywood and how to invent yourself in that kind of atmosphere but speaking from a rational place here - one run-in with one agent shouldn’t ruin his entire basis of his career before it’s really even started.” Good points! The thing is regardless of this is true or not, Yasmin is canonically taking advantage of James being overwrought and not-being-entirely-sensible-and-realistic. Many people like Yasmin warp the reality of the circumstances. One fitting term for it is “not permitting the other party to properly consent”. Another is “coerced sexual contact”.
6) “Also - profanity for the sake of anger, isn’t cool. Sorry, we should be able to respect each other and input our thoughts in a safe environment.” Sorry, but I have refrained from directing my colorful language at people themselves. “It doesn’t matter that he didn’t ask for this.It doesn’t matter that he’s letting her do what she wants only because she’s a big player in Hollywood and his career might be ruined forever if he makes her mad. By saying yes to her, he will be condoning Yasmin’s actions.” It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. We’re really gonna keep on pretending y’all have been perfectly tactful all this time, huh? That my anger was ultimately totally baseless?
But I have not once said “fuck you” or “go to hell” or anything of the sort. My words were “WHAT THE FUCK?” as in I can’t believe anyone would put something so damaging and hurtful in the tag. “How dare you?” I was hurt. I was hurt and sad that someone was saying it didn’t matter that the victim didn’t ask for it. I used bad words, however, so I was very much being a malevolent barbarian. I am sincerely sorry that I hurt OP; it was unintentional, but I still hurt OP. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. This is not who I am. For the record, I haven’t said you’re a horrible person. I do believe you don’t deserve this, and you don’t deserve this. I’m sorry the harsh nature of my first response hurt you.
It feels unfair that my way of speaking renders me completely at fault, however! Can’t help feeling that way, sorry, because I was in actuality DEEPLY HURT too by the sensitivity and tact and respectfulness. Sorry I didn’t express my incredulity in a more considerate and eloquent and well-structured fashion, like how you all considerately-to-harassment-victims agreed that his not-consenting didn’t matter and you will blame him. 👍
I doubt myself constantly. I’m never not anxious; I’m never utterly confident. Today, I wondered why I’ve been atypically stubborn. I realized: Your complacency as a group is why. I realized I would rather die from protracted silk-tie asphyxiation than join your little respectability game. In conclusion, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Sorry, I’m not as pure as you folk. Can’t contain the incendiary speech.
