Undeniable Bonds
Azriel x F. Reader
Warnings: angst, as per usual. Not proof read.
word count: 4713.
Author’s note: I’m sorry I’m so late with this. I gave Mor a sibling. And I may have changed some things from the cannon books. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it.
CHAPTER 3.
“What did you do to him?” Rhys asked mentally, an amused glint on his violet eyes as he looked over to where Azriel and Cassian were training the Valkyries.
“What do you mean?” I raised an eyebrow at him, wiping away the sweat of my forehead and taking a sip from my jar of water.
It had been a while since Rhysand joined me in training. He didn’t have much time these days between being High Lord and a father, and a husband. But lately he’s been under more pressure and needed to blow up some steam.
I dared a look at the Shadowsinger, he was teaching Gwyn some defensive stances, being his brooding self, scowl and all. There was nothing particularly out of the ordinary.
“He’s been more irritable these past weeks.” Rhysand took a step back, adopting a fighting stance once again and flaring his wings. I couldn’t help the smirk from showing on my face, I had made him sweat enough for him to bring out his Illyrian side.
Behind us Cass chuckled and I grinned at him, he winked at me in return. Rhys just threw him an annoyed stare and rolled his shoulders.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, he seems fine. For his usual self, that is.” I shrugged. Brought my fists up and started to circle him slowly.
“No, I could’ve sworn he hissed at Nesta this morning.” His face lit up with wicked delight and he swung for me, aiming for my supposedly exposed left side. The oldest trick in Amren’s book: “Let them come to you girl, let them think you defenseless.”
I caught his upper arm, twisted it and turned him around so that he was facing Cassian now. The Valkyries were looking. He tensed. “But he took one look at you, and decided to shut his mouth? Strange.”
“Well, I wouldn’t know. I’ve been too busy avoiding him as of late.”
One of his wings flung open and I released his arm to avoid the hit. He flashed a feline smile at me and lifted his right leg, trying to land a kick to my upper thigh.
I jumped out of his range, bracing my weight on his shoulders and landing behind him, quick on my feet. A second later, I dropped down low and sweeped out his legs from under him, throwing him on his royal ass.
He went down with a gasp, arms splayed out and eyes wide.
“I’m a little out of shape, it seems.” He coughed.
“You think?” I grinned down at him, offering a hand to help him stand up.
Somebody whistled and I turned my head to look at Nesta, she was grinning amusedly. “Would you like to join the Valkyries?”
Beside her, Cassian snorted. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“And why is that?” She snapped her golden-brown head to Cass. I almost pitied him, I would hate to be on the receiving end of that cold stare.
“That would be a fight of egos. Y/N already leads her own legion of warriors in battle.”
“I could do both”. I replied instantly. Arms crossed and head cocked to the side.
“Yeah? And who would command the Valkyries?” Cassian asked with a knowing look.
I had more experience in battles and a little more than two centuries of training, the answer seemed logical enough. But I replied instead:
“Well, Nesta of course. I wouldn’t dream of taking her spot, we females should support each other.” I winked at her. She smiled. “But maybe when I grow tired of ordering males around.”
Nesta looked satisfied enough, a little bit of mischief dancing in those gray eyes.
I waited for Azriel’s retort about me not being capable of following orders, but it never came. He fixed his stare at me instead, as if contemplating my answer. Weird.
“See, I told you he’s been acting strange.” Rhys purred into my mind.
“Get out of my head.” I scowled at him. He chuckled.
“I think he’s really trying not to snap at you.”
“Maybe you could try to work on a truce?”
I rolled my eyes at him. “I already told him I won’t fight him, it’s the same thing.”
“Well, it is easier not to fight him if you’re avoiding him. Why not try and get along instead?”
“Oh yeah, maybe we could hang out and braid each other’s hair too.” I fought the urge to stick my tongue out at the High Lord. He laughed.
“I’m just saying, give it a try. He may be willing too. Solstice is a couple of days ahead, it’ll be a good time for make up and make out”
My reply died in my mouth as I caught a glimpse of auburn hair out of the corner of my eye. Lucien was walking towards us, clad in a pristine dark gray tunic and matching pants, arms crossed behind his back. He looked expectant…. shit, I was supposed to accompany him to the Dawn Court today. My eyes widened and I started to frantically grab my things.
“Oh fuck. I’m sorry Lucien, I totally forgot. Five minutes, I’ll shower and then we can leave.” I said hurrying up the steps to the House and throwing Rhysand a glare. He gave me a lazy smile.
———————————————————————————
“Remind me again, why did you have to come?” Lucien asked, an auburn eyebrow going up, russet eye shining in the late sun’s glow like a warm liquid flame on a cold day.
Lucien was a very handsome, very intelligent male. I don’t understand why Elain would avoid him like the plague, he’s very nice and polite, and definitely not hard on the eyes. But then again, she had a not so discrete fixation with my mate. No, that wasn’t right. I had no business letting this stupid forsaken territorial Cauldron-made bond fill me with negative feelings. Azriel wasn’t mine, not in the way that counts.
I shook my head and stopped snooping around the books, putting my best smile on display.
“To escort you of course. We can’t have our emissary run into danger now, can we?”
“So, you’re not just avoiding the Shadow singer?”
“I don’t know, but I’d avoid him too if I had anywhere else to go instead of having to sit back and watch him flirt with my mate.”
I walked over to the window, the light pink and orange sky merged with the fluffy clouds so beautifully I wished I could paint it. Must be nice, to just be soft and beautiful and lovable, all the things I would never be. I have been built tough since a very young age, forced to be strong in order to survive, the only soft spot I ever had was ripped from me when I turned sixteen. Never again. Never again I would allow myself to be weak.
“I don’t care about those things.” I mused, the smile had long since slipped off my face.
“Watching your mate openly flirt with another?” he asked tentatively. My head snapped in his direction, not in shock but in warning. I wasn’t sure what he read on my face but he added, “I can see things more clearly than others,” – he pointed to his metal eye – “and we both have been cursed with the same affliction, it is easier to know where to look.”
I thought back to the times I’ve seen Azriel and Elain interact, how gentle and caring he had been with her, how she had blushed and smiled warmly at him. The look of heartache, of longing in Lucien’s face… had I been wearing the same look all this time? I wasn’t even sure I wanted Azriel to look at me like that, I just…it was enough for me if he didn’t hate me.
But the way he stared at me this morning, as if he didn’t know what to make of me, it reminded me of the first time we met…curiosity, that’s what it was.
If there was a tiny possibility of us getting along, maybe I should listen to Rhysand.
But now was not the time to think about that.
I clicked my tongue. “Wasn’t your friend supposed to be here already?”
Lucien sighed and took a seat in front of me, I turned my head back to the clouds.
“She’s running a little late, will be here any second.”
Maybe it was stupid of me to ask it outloud but if someone may understand, if someone may have an answer that would be him.
“Would you forgive her for treating you so poorly?” My eyes found his through the reflection on the window glass.
“If she ever asks for it, then yes. If not…then what choice do I have but to forgive in order to move on?”
A small smile played on my lips. “You’re too good, Prince Charming. Couldn’t be me.”
He let out a small sensual laugh. “You’re good too, little raven, more than you give yourself credit for.”
“I’m so sorry I’m late” said a dark haired female bursting through the door. She carried a bag full of the Cauldron-knows-what, it tinkled with every step she took. “I hope you didn’t wait for too long.” She flashed a radiant smile at Lucien, genuine joy dancing in her onyx eyes at the sight of the Autumn male.
“It’s ok, we just got here.” He returned the smile.
I had to bite down my tongue to prevent myself from commenting on it. I leaned closer, peering over Lucien’s shoulder to the artifacts she displayed on the table. There were all sorts of things, medical instruments, prosthetics, cartography tools…this girl was very talented.
“What is this?” I asked, pointing to a small, gleaming golden sphere, intricately carved with what looked to be a diamond at its center, surrounded by three gold rings. Her eyes snapped at me as if she just realized I was in the room as well.
“Nuan, meet Y/N, she works for Rhysand. Y/N this is Nuan.”
“Nice to meet you Y/N.” She shook my hand. “That is – uh– a personal project, that I don’t know how it got here.” She chucked the piece back into the bag.
“Nothing, yet. It’s just a prototype, more pretty than useful. It was supposed to be a soul locator, it should be embedded with a location spell and it’ll guide you to your loved one wherever they are, or anyone whose essence is entwined with the stone.”
“Brilliant.” I murmured under my breath but they heard it.
She smiled again. “Thank you.”
Something started to take form in my head, an idea, a little bit ridiculous and a little bit hopeful. A present for Solstice and a peace offering.
“Would you be willing to make something for me? I’ll pay you of course.” I said, already feeling the regret climbing up my mind.
“Sure, what did you have in mind?”
————————————————————————————————-
Mor’s warm brown eyes met me through the full-length mirror in her room, she was dressed in a wine-colored dress that hugged every curve in her flawless body, long blond curls cascading over her shoulders and bold red lips adorned by a breathtaking smile. She was gorgeous, ethereal, in a way that didn’t make me want to rip the skin off of my own bones. How could someone be so similar yet so different to their own family? Mor’s brother had been brutally beautiful, in the way only a lethal predator would be. Blonde hair, strong, sharp features, and those dark eyes that could drag you into a pit of pure despair.
Some days it was particularly hard to look at Mor and not think of him, but unlike that beast of a male, she made me feel welcome and safe. I just had to breathe a couple of times and remind myself where I was at.
“You look like the night sky” her voice shook me out of my thoughts.
I smiled back at her and took one last glance at my figure in the mirror. I was clad in a fitting glimmering black dress, thin straps tied to the back of my neck, the fabric pooled atop the valley of my breasts, just under my cleavage and generously hugged them at the sides from where the skirt flowed like liquid to the floor. Mor had applied a delicate shiny powder to the top of my lids, some mascara and a rosé lip gloss.
I couldn’t stop staring at my obsidian black eyes, the thick lashes adorning them, the only thing I had inherited from my mother — such a beautiful tortured female she had been; but that was as far as my resemblance to her went, the harshness of my face…I had to thank my father for that, and the centuries of relentless anger. Only Mor could make such a face look beautiful. And I was grateful for that.
My sight moved to the small white scar atop of my right cheekbone, so pale it contrasted with my sun-kissed skin, and my hand rose on its own accord to graze the scarred tissue. It should have healed and disappeared on its own, it looked almost insignificant for it to leave a mark, but the cut had been deep enough to sever bone, and at the time I had refused to see a healer.
“What are you thinking of?” Mor asked softly. I turned around to face her.
“I’ve never apologized to you for what I did to your brother,” My voice came out a little strangled.
“And you never have to. You don’t apologize for surviving.” She frowned. “I am very aware of how cruel and evil my family is.”
“He was your only brother, Mor.”
“He was a monster, just like my father. You’re more family to me than he ever was.” She started and gave a little gentle squeeze to my arm. “You can talk to me, you know? About what…— about what happened. If you’d like. You don’t have to carry that weight alone.”
“I know, trust me I know..” I said, closing my fingers around the mark on my wrist “But I still can’t talk about it, the way you still can’t talk about what happened with Eris.”
She understood, more than anyone ever would. So she didn’t say anything else, instead she wrapped her arms around me in one of those tight embraces that help you put your soul back together a little bit.
“We’re gonna be late for dinner.” I laughed, she reluctantly let go.
“I got you a present” Mor pulled out a dark blue velvet box from her nightstand “Just don’t flash it around Amren if you wanna keep it.” She joked.
Inside sat a silver necklace encrusted with diamonds and lilac crystals. It was by far the most beautiful thing I’ve ever owned. She made quick work of wrapping it around my neck and carefully set it atop my collarbones.
“Thank you, it is gorgeous, truly. Your present is down stairs, along with the rest” I said with an apologetic smile.
She smirked knowingly. “Except for that one,” a manicured finger pointed to the little black box with a blue ribbon sitting on the corner of her desk. I blushed. I was still debating whether it was a good idea to bring it or not. “Who’s the lucky one?” she wiggled her eyebrows.
“Oh shut up, I already regret it.”
She laughed. “Well, if your dress doesn’t leave him speechless that sure will.” She winked, linked my arm to hers and winnowed us to the River House.
The evening was going uneventfully, I had convinced Lucien to at least join us for dinner and had spent a good amount of time just speaking with him, waiting for everyone else to gather. He was having a tough time adjusting to this Court, if it weren’t for the job Rhysand had offered that had him traveling most of the time I’m pretty sure he would hardly interact with anyone here. Not to mention his situation with Elain…so I figured he could use a friendly face and an invitation to be part of the group.
We were half way through some appetizers, chatting animatedly about the time he spent in the human lands when I felt him. His dark stare was charged with something I couldn’t quite place and for some reason it made me nervous. I was used to lust, and hate and loathing; had seen many males direct that same looks at me through the years, but this was different. Azriel wasn’t wearing his typical bored expression, nor the harsh one he seemed to reserve just for me. It was strange but not completely unpleasant.
Lucien caught sight of what had drifted my attention away from the conversation and politely excused himself to fetch more wine in time for Cassian to step up, Azriel closely behind.
The general let out a low flirty whistle. “Now, that’s a dress” he spun me around while I laughed. “Looking good, Y/N”
“Thank you Cass. It’s nice to see you with a shirt on for a change” I joked. He stuck his tongue out at me.
“I just know you love to see me shirtless” He winked and went to say hi to Mor.
Azriel was still standing beside me, a little awkward and more tense than before. His wings had gone taut behind his back. I met his hazel stare and brace myself for a nasty comment. None came.
It was odd to be standing next to each other and for once not being in a yelling match throwing insults left and right.
“Hi,” My reply came out softer than I expected. Still I couldn’t fully let my guard down.
“I haven’t seen you around much these days.”
“Rhys told me you were helping Helion with something” Azriel’s dark eyebrow raised in curiosity.
It was partially true, I’ve been coming and going between our courts, Helion has been showing me around the archives where I was to work if I decided to accept the offer. It was a beautiful place and his people had been nothing short of welcoming. But I didn’t want to think about that just yet, after tonight I still have three days to give him an answer.
“ Yes, he needed me to go through some stuff, research. Why were you looking for me?” I asked, mirroring his expression.
“I- I wanted to tell you that I tracked a pattern in the route of the missing fae, it goes all the way up to Vallahan.”
“You think the Court of Nightmares is trading slaves to Vallahan?”
“It’s a possibility. But since we don’t have any jurisdiction there, I thought that maybe we could intercept the caravan before they crossed the border out of Prythian.”
“You want me to come with you?”
I couldn’t help the incredulous look from my face, as if he had grown a second head.
“Sure, it is your mission after all.” he shrugged, taking a sip from his wine.
“What happened to you’re not as good as you think you are?” I mused, repeating his words.
“I was quick to judge, and you were right. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”
“No, you shouldn’t have. But I guess that’s what we do, isn’t it? Fight and yell and hurt.”
I wanted to ask him why, why does he hate me so much? We weren’t always like this, where had it gone wrong? But the words died in my throat, it was a conversation I wasn’t sure I was ready to have. Even now, I could feel the tension between us, gnawing at my insides, at the bond I had buried so deep that it felt more like a phantom limb than an actual living thing.
I could treat him with dignity but I wouldn’t trust my most vulnerable side to him. To bring the subject up was to let him see the anguish of these years, the anger and the tears I had shed because of it. That was simply out of the table.
“Yeah, I guess it is.” Azriel averted his gaze away, at the rest of the party, to Lucien and Cassian.
“Do you enjoy it?” I asked. His wings twitched.
I shook my head. “Then why do we keep up with it?”
“I don’t know, maybe I just don’t know how else to act around you.”
“You’re not a dick to anyone else though, just me. I’ve seen it.”
“And you don’t deserve it, I shouldn’t let you affect me that much”
My eyes snapped back to his, he seemed shocked for a moment, realizing what he just said. He opened his mouth, maybe to try and explain what he meant by that but then Feyre walked in, along with her sisters. Elain was the embodiment of beauty and grace, dressed in a baby pink gown with a pattern of roses embroidered into the bodice. She looked lovely, and of course I wasn’t the only one who thought that. I caught Lucien frozen in his spot, eyes glued to the middle Archeron sister. I didn’t want to see if Azriel was watching too.
“She’s gorgeous.” I murmured, suddenly very aware of myself.
Don’t you dare compare yourself. Mor’s sharp voice sounded in my head as a reminder.
I could feel Azriel’s assessing stare boring into me and I turned to face him. He kept silent for a long minute, just staring, eyebrows furrowed. What was he looking for in my face? I couldn’t fight the blush from creeping up my cheeks. Had he known what I was thinking?
“She is,” he stated, his voice a velvet murmur.
I could have sworn something inside of me thrummed with the sound of it in a pleasant way. And the feeling was enough to startle me.
Before I could attempt to open my mouth, a familiar figure appeared in my peripheral vision, just behind his back.
Elain, in all her radiant beauty capturing the attention of everyone in the room, approached Azriel with a gentle smile. The Shadowsinger’s eyes flickered towards Elain, momentarily captivated by her presence. I couldn’t stand the awful feeling of being overshadowed. This was actually the first time in years I had a civil-enough conversation with Azriel, and it was short-lived.
I had to excuse myself, to retreat from the scene that had turned uncomfortable, if not a bit sour. Forcing a polite smile I turned to walk away and addressed Azriel, “I’m going to check on Cass. You know…this was actually not awful, Shadowsinger.”
Azriel’s gaze shifted back to me, a flicker of regret in his eyes. It was gone half a second later. “Perhaps we can continue this conversation another time.”
With a nod, I made my way toward the exit, still very confused and shaken up with unspoken emotions. I couldn’t bear to witness Azriel’s attention fully claimed by Elain, the realization of an unrequited longing becoming too painful to endure.
As I stepped out of the room, into the welcoming chilling air that brought the change of season, it wasn’t Cassian standing in the garden, but Lucien. A conflicted look on his face.
“Aren’t you freezing out here?” I asked, joining him in the solitude of the night.
He shook out of whatever trance he had been in, and painted a little smile for me. “No. I’m a male of autumn, remember? I’ve got fire in my veins.”
I rolled my eyes and chuckled. “Seriously, what are you doing here by yourself?”
“The same as you, it seems.” He took a look behind me, past the open door to the ballroom.
“I just needed some fresh air”
“Do you want me to leave?.”
“No. No, it ’s ok. I like the company.”
“Likewise” he smiled a bit more genuine this time.
“It’s almost time for presents and I,uh— I got you something.” I reached into that night-filled pocket between worlds and pulled out a small amulet. Completely ignoring the other thing I had storage in there. “I know you love to travel and you always get a piece of those places with you so I thought I could give you this”
I pushed the amulet into his hand, it was crafted into the shape of a golden fox with a thin chain and a bow attached to its back. He examined the little thing, curiosity shining in his warm eyes.
“It’s a safe charm from the lands of the north, for travelers and wanderers. Or so they said” I shrugged.
He turned his attention to me, tucking the amulet into the pocket of his vest, and I could’ve sworn that flame licked his russet eye – bright and alive.
“You didn’t have to do this. Thank you, I really like it” Lucien’s deep voice was so cheery it made me smile.
“Sure I did, you’re my friend.”
“I’m glad we met, little raven.” He smiled. “I got you something as well, it’s inside along with the others, let me get it for you.”
Before I could reply he was already half way through the door of the ballroom. A couple of seconds later, it was Rhys who emerged in his place.
“What are you doing here? I thought I saw Lucien rushing past”
I chuckled. “I just needed to think for a moment.”
Rhys’s feline smile adorned his dark features like a shooting star, and he folded his arms in front of his chest. “Have you thought about what I suggested?”
Taking a shuddering breath I answered “yes, in fact I have”
“And?” he quirked an elegant eyebrow.
“And I got a peace offering, a present — sort of.” I took the small box out from that in between worlds space, and fiddled with the blue ribbon. “But I don’t know Rhys, maybe it’s too much. It feels weird.”
“Nonsense.” He said, tugging me by the elbow into the house. “Come on, I’ll be the mediator in this situation.”
“It’ll be even more mortifying if you’re watching.” I said, trying to hold my ground.
But he didn’t listen, Rhys kept dragging me through the rooms, searching for the Shadowsinger. I exchanged looks with Mor at some point, pleading she’ll come to my rescue, she just laughed it off and winked. Traitor. I even tried puppy eyes at Cassian, he was too busy staring at Nesta.
It wasn’t until Rhys pushed open the doors to the sitting room that he stopped, back going stiff. I peered over his shoulder and the scent struck me harder than the scene developing in front of us. The room was charged with its sweet sickening smell, desire. That’s what it was. I didn’t even register Azriel’s scarred hand drop from Elain’s delicate neck, because my lungs wouldn’t let any air in. He turned to us, to Rhys, sensing the intrusion.
“Azriel.” Rhys called, his voice as dark as the night. A warning.
The shadowsinger looked startled, ashamed even, of being caught like this. I couldn’t even look at Elain.
His hazel eyes found me behind Rhys and his expression turned stone cold. My head was buzzing and it overwhelmed me so much I could only think of getting rid of the damned box in my hand. Its weight was suddenly too heavy for me to carry.
Violet eyes full of concern slid to me and Rhysand was about to speak but I shook my head. His lips formed a thin line.
“I – uh, — I’m gonna see if Lucien wants some dessert.” I mused, barely audible for Rhys to hear. My throat felt tight as I attempted to flee.
Azriel’s vicious voice stopped me dead in my tracks.
“You…” His anger-twisted face snapped in my direction and he was about to blurt whatever hurtful thing was on his mind but Rhys interrupted him.
“Azriel, my office. Now.” The High Lord commanded.
Azriel pinned me to the spot with a cold look. And I couldn’t do anything but stand in the middle of the room, trying to breathe.
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