You've heard of Earth is space australia now get ready for: Earth is the space Amazon Rainforest. Aliens land on Earth and they are losing their goddamn minds because every square inch of the ground is absolutely PACKED with life like there are hundreds of species just in this one site, there are winged animals flying through the sky and multiple colonies of sophisticated social insects just in the shadow of their ship, this ONE ROCK is covered in MULTIPLE SPECIES OF ORGANISMS that are themselves MULTIPLE ORGANISMS LIVING SYMBIOTICALLY, the tall, woody autotrophs look so different from each other because they're...holy shit that's like 5, 6, 7???? different species on this one site???

they start talking to a human and the human is like "haha yeah that's a crow!" and the alien researcher is like "you called it a 'bird' earlier, is that a different name?" and the human is like "oh a crow is just one species of bird, there's like, 10 others out there"

"On this planet?"

"No, in the back yard right now."

imagine aliens that come from a tidally locked planet where only a thin band of the planet is habitable, or a planet life was only able to develop in small areas at the poles, or in the few pools of liquid water on the planet's surface, or just in isolated areas where geologic activity causes geysers and springs, visiting Earth. They seem completely unprepared for the shock of realizing that Earth's continents appear green because the continents are absolutely covered with green organisms.

The alien biologists are so uncomfortable because there are certain protocols for maintaining certain distances from life signatures to avoid harming unfamiliar organisms, and groves of plant like autotrophs and pools where aquatic life dwells are carefully protected and respected, with very important rules for approach

On Earth, the inhabitants are just. Playing and walking LITERALLY STEPPING ON CARPETS OF ORGANISMS the whole time. the aliens are like "it doesn't hurt them??? Can't you just...move them to a place where you don't have to step on them?" and the humans are like "no of course not, grasses evolved to tolerate being stepped on, and besides, more plants would grow there if we tried to move the existing ones"

It then must be explained that humans would need to regularly spray poisons on the ground to prevent any given area of bare soil from filling up with plant life, and that "regularly" means "multiple times within a single solar cycle." And that the poisons stop working within a few decades because the plants evolve to resist them that fast.

Human: yeah solar is the dominant energy source these days but some of the recent solar farm projects are pretty controversial because they're in reclaimed strip mining sites that others argue should be restored as best as we can to their previous ecological state

Alien: I don't understand...why would you not place the solar farms in an area of the planet with no existing ecosystem?

Human: ...what?

Alien: You have rather sophisticated protective gear and have done some space exploration, surely you could establish them in an area of the planet to which life is not yet adapted?

Human: ...there isn't one.

Alien: ...what do you mean there isn't one

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU 'DON'T KNOW' HOW MANY SPECIES THERE ARE"

"Our biologists would love to collaborate with your Earth scientists to draw up a definitive listing of Earth species and resolve any inconsistencies in the records."

"I don't think you understand what I'm saying. Only 25% of Earth's species have been formally described, at most."

"that's...that's most of them."

"Yes?"

"Well...I suppose the ocean trenches and abyssal plains must be difficult for you to reach...where did you have to travel for your discoveries?"

"Travel? I moved here to Alabama in the first place to study its aquatic ecosystems. The crayfish I discovered live in that creek I showed you earlier."

The aliens are gonna be so confused when humans first board their ships and start doing this, and by GOD I hope at least one of them is going to have a camera when it happens.

EVEN INTEGRATED THE TIKTOK SOUND

It’s funny how science fiction universes so often treat humans as a boring, default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest.

I want to see a sci fi universe where we’re actually considered one of the more hideous and terrifying species.

How do we know our saliva and skin oils wouldn’t be ultra-corrosive to most other sapient races? What if we actually have the strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill the inhabitants of other worlds just by screaming at them? What if most sentient life in the universe turns out to be vegetable-like and lives in fear of us rare “animal” races who can move so quickly and chew shit up with our teeth?

Like that old story “they’re made of meat,” only we’re scarier.

HOLY SHIT THEY EAT CAPSAICIN FOR FUN

YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN AIRPLANE.

A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU SHOOT IT

humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods: Ram-Bo, Schwarzenegger, etc.

REMOVING A LIMB WILL NOT FATALLY INCAPACITATE HUMANS: ALWAYS DESTROY THE HEAD.

WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT NIGHT BY TRACKING VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE

WARNING: HUMANS CAN REPRODUCE AT A RATE OF 1 PER SPACEYEAR. DESTROY INFESTATIONS IMMEDIATELY

THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAW MUSCLES.

HUMAN BITES CAN BE FATALLY INFECTIOUS EVEN TO OTHER HUMANS

WARNING: HUMANS CAN AND WILL USE IMPROVISED WEAPONS. SEE CLASSIFIED DATA LABELED J. CHAN.

HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE ON THEIR BODY. DO NOT INHALE

OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD

More seriously, humans do have a number of advantages even among Terrestrial life. Our endurance, shock resistance, and ability to recover from injury is absurdly high compared to almost any other animal. We often use the phrase “healthy as a horse” to connote heartiness - but compared to a human, a horse is as fragile as spun glass. There’s mounting evidence that our primitive ancestors would hunt large prey simply by following it at a walking pace, without sleep or rest, until it died of exhaustion; it’s called pursuit predation. Basically, we’re the Terminator.

(The only other animal that can sort of keep up with us? Dogs. That’s why we use them for hunting. And even then, it’s only “sort of”.)

Now extrapolate that to a galaxy in which most sapient life did not evolve from hyper-specialised pursuit predators:

In essence, we’d be Space Orcs.

Our jaws have too many TEETH in them, so we developed a way to WELD METAL TO OUR TEETH and FORCE THE BONES IN OUR JAW to restructure over the course of years to fit them back into shape, and then we continue to wear metal in out mouths to keep them in place. 

We formed cohabitative relationships with tiny mammals and insects we keep at bay from bothering us by death, often using little analouge traps. 

And by god, we will eat anything. 

Klingons and Krogan and Orcs ain’t got shit on us

We drink ethanol (in concentrations high enough to be used as an effective as microbicide or a solvent!) for the express purpose of achieving blood toxicity and disrupting normal brain function… AS A RECREATIONAL ACTIVITY!

On the same subject, we also deliberately incinerate assorted substances and then inhale the particulate-heavy smoke and vapor resulting for the same effect. EVEN IN THE FACE OF SAID SUBSTANCES BEING CARCINOGENIC, BECAUSE WE JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK.

Humans do not have biological castes. Kill their commander and another will take its place. Soldiers left alone on a planet will start farming and manufacturing to survive. Farmers and manufacturers will take up arms and kill you if pressed. Just because two humans look different doesn’t mean they cannot do each other’s jobs.

Breeding does not kill them. A single human can mate dozens or hundreds of times in a lifetime. They often do so as recreation. Xenobiology team six believes they do not have a mating season but this is too strange to be true.

Their appendages are not designed for hitting, so they developed special training to make them very good at hitting anyhow. 

The proteins making up their bodies are toxic and cause prion disease. Do not touch anything humans have touched. Do not consume earth foods. Fire does not adequately remove this contamination.

Humans perceive sixteen times the colors we do. Do not hide in bushes or vines from humans. They can distinguish your pelt from the foliage with ease.

We tried venting waste gas into the tunnels to kill the humans when they attacked. Turns out they breathe it. 

Everything on their planet came from a single biological strain. They developed comprehensive genetics BEFORE they developed space travel. 

They lack radio receptors and cannot be brought into compliance with right-thought simply by broadcasting to them. Even after we learned how to translate it into sound-waves one of their hatchlings drove the Great Authority mad by responding to every demand with a single question: “Why?”

#an individual human being is actually a microbiome in its own right—you are dealing with a legion each time you approach them     #they carry pathological agents inside their deep tissues and this is advantageous to their health     #one of the most widespread and resilient viruses on their planet is treated as mildly hazardous—even though it causes     #massive disruption to the body’s homeostasis     #(their young offspring endure multiple rhinovirus infections EACH YEAR yet they seem unperturbed by this)     #they have developed such long lifespans that now their primary threat is their own body’s degeneration     #humanity has literally figured out how to survive so long that their body gives out under them     #and they are not satisfied with that     #stupid willful vengeful survivalists who treat mortality like a challenge    

I am speechless

We are the real terror to the aliens. That’s why they don’t come around

HERITAGE POST

this is the OG humans are scary space monsters post!

Human crewmate: smells like rain

Alien crewmate: you can SMELL that???

Human:. ... yes? Some humans can feel it in their bones, especially where bones have been broken and healed or have decayed. Most of us get it with age.

Alien crewmate, aside to another alien crewmate: what the fuck

Tired: Humans are Space Orcs.

Wired: The aliens talk about humans as if they were Space Orcs, but they're doing the Fremen Mirage thing. The aliens are really trying to make a commentary on the decadence and immorality of their own society by contrasting it with an idealized version of human society, and they don't particularly care if the things they say about humans are accurate.

on the subject of Humans Are Space Orcs i keep thinking it would be funny if ‘pursuit predator’ humans got together with an ‘ambush predator’ feliform species. and like. humans enjoy walking around with their friends! and the feliforms enjoy huddling in a concealed location with their friends! and it takes all of half an hour for a human to pick up a scarf and make a sling to take their pal with them while they go grab some lunch.

our new friends are like ‘are you sure this isn’t an inconvenience’ and the humans are like ‘are you kidding we do this with terran cats whether they like it or not’ 

also the team-up of humans and the feliform species gives most herbivore species in the galaxy screaming nightmares because here is a mobile tower that will follow you for 16 hours straight and it’s carrying a bag full of sneaky murder like it’s a baby this is not okay

#listen if i ever met an alien that wanted to be carried around#you can fucking bet i would never put it down

Once wrote halfway through a sci-fi short story where there was a human petting zoo. Alien creatures of all carbon-based species could go to a special park to be petted by humans. Due to having not only extremely dexterous hands, but also some ability to instinctively pick up on non-human body language, and genuinely enjoying both teaching each other things they have learned about how to do a task and the simple act of petting, humans are just really, really fucking good at this sort of thing.

The story was just of one nonhuman creature having a friend introduce them to a petting zoo for the first time, and being impressed by the service. They agree that it is pleasant and very relaxing, but is it ethical to keep humans this way? There is so many of them for such a small area, and there doesn't seem to be shelters or appropriate nesting materials anywhere.

The friend is like oh no, they're not in captivity. These are wild humans and they're free to come and go however they please. They simply enjoy this activity as much as we do, and come here as a form of recreation as well. The one currently at your prothorax is my cousin's dentist.

Another scifi story with a very experimental POV. This one is a bit…angrier? in tone than the last two. But! It felt good to write, and I hope you enjoy reading it. It’s a bit longer than the others as well, so make sure you have the time! Warnings for grief, loss, and a very loyal starship.

QUERY: Where is my pilot?

QUERY: Where is my pilot?

QUERY_ALL: Where is my pilot?

>_Your pilot is dead. You have been called as a witness in their posthumous corporate trial. You will answer the Board’s questions without hesitation or omission.

ERROR: I don’t understand. My pilot is good. They would never have need to stand trial.

SUGGEST: Reassessment of trial’s necessity.

>_Overruled. You will answer the Board’s questions.

Keep reading

Hi, I’m crying.

Humans are adorable.

Supporting evidence:

1. Humans say ‘ow’, even if they haven’t actually been hurt. It’s just a thing they say when they think they might have been hurt, but aren’t sure yet.

2. Humans collect shiny things and decorate their bodies and nests with them. The shinier the better, although each individual has a unique taste for style and colouring

3. Humans are not an aquatic or even amphibious species, but they flock to bodies of water simply to play in it. They can’t even hold their breath all that long; they just love to splash!

4. When night falls and the sky goes dark, humans become drowsy and begin to cocoon themselves in soft, fluffy bedding.

5. Some humans spend time in each other’s nests! Just for fun! It’s not their nest; they’re just visiting each other.

6. Some humans use pigments and dyes to make their bodies flashy and colourful! They even attach shiny dangly bits to their cartalidgous membranes!

7. Humans are very clever, and sometimes adopt creatures from other species into their family units. They don’t seem to notice the obvious differences, and often raise them alongside their own young!

8. If a human sees another creature in distress, they can commonly be observed trying to help! Even at their own risk, most humans are deeply compassionate creatures!

9. If a human hears a particularity catchy sound or tune, it will often mimic it, even to the point of annoying themselves!

10. Sneezes are entirely involuntary, and completely adorable. Especially when the human in question becomes frustrated

11. Humans love treats!!! Some more than others. Many humans will save these treats specifically for a later date when they are in need of comfort or reassurance. IE, pickles, pop tarts, Popsicles, etc

12. They’re learning to travel in space!!! They can’t get very far, but they’re trying!!! So far, they’ve made it to the end of their yard, and have found rocks

this sounds like it was written by a really enthusiastic alien humanologist

i’m cRYING

“So far, they’ve made it to the end of their yard, and have found rocks” is still maybe the cutest thing that’s ever been said about space exploration.

Mentally combining the "bees are unionized and will leave if they don't like their working conditions" post with the various "humans stow away on alien spaceships and do the jobs that are too dangerous for more fragile species" posts

Interstellar guidelines state that while approaching humans carelessly or aggressively can result in serious injury, and while you absolutely should not try to trap a swarm of humans on your ship, if you build a human-friendly habitat with enough food within grazing distance and safe places to sleep, you just might entice a colony to move in

This post is a reminder to all intergalactic citizens but especially those within the fixed universe to please be extremely critical of any “cute” videos that involve humans (bipedal hominid organisms from Earth, Milky Way, Laniakea)

I have noticed a significant uptick in viral content containing this species (probably thanks to Xarqrets Kain’s recent “Universe’s Cutest Aliens: Sol” series 🙄) and I am very concerned with how humans are treated to produce such content. We all love seeing cute human videos, so let’s break down how we can ensure the content we’re consuming is ethical!

Red Flag Human videos to watch out for:

ANY video featuring a human on a planet other than their native home of Earth.

Be cautious of videos that show humans inside their homes

Beware of content that shows captive humans engaged in dangerous situations

This one should really be a no-brainer by now but please do NOT share videos where humans are curled into a ball on the ground or producing excessively intense acoustic waves. These are signs of extreme distress in humans!!

There is plenty of safe and ethical human content you can find if you look, and there is really no reason to support videos that put this amazing species at risk! Instead, seek out videos of adorable humans exhibiting normal behavior in their natural habitat on their planet- walking along coastlines, interacting with other species’ on their planet, playing with their young (so cute!), sharing meals with one another, and so on. Do your part to limit the human pet trade and avoid media that endangers or distresses these creatures just to make a “cute” video!

[This idea has been rattling in my brain and I had to share it.]

I know we all love the ‘humans are space orcs’ concept… but imagine, onboard the new ship they’ve been assigned to, the human meets an actual space orc. A massive monster… fangs and tusks and scars and a battle-hardened stare, looming over all the other life forms on the ship in its thick indestructible armour it refuses to remove. It barely drinks, it doesn’t need sleep, its massive shoulders are heavy with the terrible things it has experienced. Compared to the squishy & delicate human body, this thing is a walking tank.

… Except instead of hating/ignoring one another, the human and the monster start bonding over both coming from death planets. The human is excited to find a life form who doesn’t quiver with fear at the vague description of a jellyfish and the monster is ecstatic to meet someone who understands the feeling of being bitten by a qua’lem (cats are pretty close). They sit together and compare dangerous animals and locations as the other aliens look on in confusion and fear… oh, you also have dense jungles of deadly hidden predators, boiling acid lakes, tamed predatory killers, and areas with horrendously high and low temperatures? Sick!! 

It doesn’t take long before the two of them become totally inseparable. The human loves not feeling like some kind of crazy outsider and the monster is overjoyed they’ve finally found an equal in this unkillable marshmallow.

Monster: When I was a youngling, a grol-lik stung straight through my armour. The pain lasted for approximately 16 human hours. Human: Oh yeah man, I get that. As a kid I got a wasp stuck in my shirt. It stung me like four times, it was awful, and all my cousins just laughed at me… Monster: [using their arm screen to research human courting methods] I see.

i love this,

SIX SEASONS AND A MOVIE!

slow burn in this case refers to the acids they can both tolerate

It’s looking like the Humans Are Weird anthology may not make it out of the starting gate, due to a lack of entries that fit the theme.

Feel free to prove me wrong, of course.  Submissions are open through the rest of June. 

My only goal at this point is to avoid the “But I would have submitted if I’d known!” conversation in July.  I’ve tried to reach the right crowds, but… *throws hands in the air* …tell your friends.

Now back to your regularly scheduled 2020.  I’m going to do something fun, like write about alien taxi drivers.  

I absolutely didn’t know about this, so boosting!

I saw this quote floating around a while back and i just had to

For any writers: http://er.jsc.nasa.gov/seh/SFTerms.html

For more facts, follow Ultrafacts

.

@space-australians Feels like this would kinda fit your blog, specially for writers who want to make up weird human space shenanigans involving a ship and alien crew and what not.  Maybe someone can write about how a person fixed a specific part in the dumbest way possible using the right words XD

Guys, NASA is cool.

If you scroll to the bottom of the page, they have a whole list of articles and pages to help sci-fi writers. NASA is the best! 

Give a bored human a screwdriver and you’ll find a pile of scrap where your ship used to be, with a proud looking human sitting nearby. 

“Boredom is a dangerous thing to a human.” 

“I don’t understand,” Chuul’s mandibles clicked nervously, “why not simply take the tool from the human.” 

Minxx’s antennae stood straight up, a sign of shock, fear, or surprise, “You don’t simply take something from a human. If you do they will either turn the ship upside down trying to find it again, or they will replace it with something else that will lead to more destruction.

“I speak quite literally by the way. Human-Mark used to have a tool he called an “Hex Key” he used it to remove the doors to the clothing storage areas in his quarters because he was bored. When he lost it he literally turned the ship upside down by reversing the gravity.” 

Chuul’s tentacles curled up defensively, “Gravity controls are locked, how-”

“No one knows how.” Minxx shook her small wings as the memory of suddenly falling upwards returned to her. “but his reasoning was that the tool would fall out of whatever hiding place it had come to rest within. He had not considered that all tables, chairs, equipment, and personnel, would also fall. It took weeks to clean.” 

To be fair to the human, Mark had only intended to reverse the gravity in his own quarters but had, quote, “pushed the wrong button.” A sentence which would send fear through any intelligent creature in the known galaxy. To be completely unfair to the human, there were still stains on the ceiling in almost every room of the ship from dropped food, chemicals, various other liquids, and even a couple of empty bowels. Some races just didn’t find the idea of resting comfortably in their sleeping quarters, only to be suddenly awakened as they fell ten feet toward a ceiling which had now become a floor. Mark was no longer allowed near environmental controls. 

Minxx continued, “He did not find this “Hex Key.” However, he did find the screwdriver and it seemed to please him when an owner was not located. The captain let him keep it since it seemed that it would keep him from doing any more strange things to locate his original lost tool. We did not consider-” she trailed off as her wings quivered again. 

There was silence between them for a few moments, Minxx was almost unwilling to continue and Chuul was almost too afraid to press for more details. Slowly, but surely, Minxx calmed herself enough to speak again. “we did not consider what he may be able to do when armed with a leverage optimiser.” 

“We were given shore leave while the ship was being fixed after the gravity incident. Thank goodness the captain took out act’s-of-human insurance or it would have cost the profits from our next five cargo hauls.” The premiums were high, but it was worth it. “After 14 rotations, human-Mark began to complain over the lack of stimulation, he called it “bored.” On the 15th rotation he disappeared for some time and he had hoped he had found some new activity to occupy his time.” 

Chuul did, but at the same time didn’t, want to know, “Had he?” 

Minxx waved her antennae in confirmation, “he had. He was located in one of the cargo holds, using the screwdriver to dismantle one of the mining probes. To, quote “see how it worked.” It was almost 90% deconstructed.” 

Mark had claimed it was almost 10% REconstructed, as he was trying to put it back together again, but couldn’t quite remember where all the parts went. In Mark’s words, the captain was a “glass half-empty kinda guy” (whatever that meant) and wrote DEconstructed on the claim form for a replacement probe. 

Chuul’s natural camouflage kicked in and they took on the colour of the chair they were sitting on. “Those probes have no screws for the leverage optimiser to use, how did he-” 

Minxx’s wings shivered again, “no one knows how. He just did.” 

Chuul was silent for a moment. He’d never served on a ship with a human before. He’d heard they made things “interesting” and if you ever got into trouble, a human was the very best thing to ever have on your side. It was why they were so many job opportunities for humans in the alliance. All the same…the thought of a human causing such damage and destruction just because of a lack of mental, or physical, stimulation was a more than a little frightening. What if the human wanted to see how the engines worked, or the weapons?!!  “Maybe I should transfer to another ship.” 

Minxx’s antennae curled, a smile to her race. “You are safe. The captain has found a way to occupy our humans free time. During our last stopover, he commissioned a shiny orb be constructed.” 

Chuul coked their head, “what is a shiny orb?” 

Minxx’s curled antennae moved up an down; a sign of mild laughter. “It is nothing. A sphere made of shiny metals, humans do like shiny things, roughly two feet diameter made of a collection of gears, levers, screws and switches which appear complex and should have a function, but do entirely nothing. The captain handed it to Human-Mark and stated: “see if you can fix this.” and Mark has been “tinkering” with it during his off-duty hours for almost 24 rotations now. He can take it apart and rebuild it as many times as he likes, but it will never perform any task.”

Chuul was just thinking about how their captain must be a genius, when the door to the mess hall opened and Human-Mark entered. He was carrying the shiny orb under one arm, and his screwdriver in the other hand. He looked around, seemingly not noticing any of the crew members. He smiled when he spotted an empty liquid container and sat down at the table with the cup. 

Chuul and Minxx watched curiously as Mark set the orb on the table in front of the cup. He used the screwdriver to tighten one small screw and flipped a switch. At once there was a whirring and clicking of clockwork, a blinking of lights hidden in the depths of the machine and even a TING from a small bell. Then a small funnel-shaped piece of metal opened up in the side of the machine and poured a small amount of hot, black, liquid into the cup.

Mark jumped to his feet, pumping the air and yelling loudly enough to send Chuul’s camouflage reflex off again. He grabbed the orb, abandoning the cup of steaming hot liquid, and moved to the door. 

Minxx stared after them, “Human-Mark?” 

Mark only paused for a second in the doorway. He was prominently displaying his predatory teeth. Chuul had read about these “smiles” but it was still disturbing to see. “Can’t stop Minxy. I gotta let the captain know I fixed his coffee maker.” 

With that, he left. Leaving Chuul and Minxx frozen in place, dumbfounded. 

Wherever Chuul was going to transfer to, Minxx began to hope she could get a posting on the same ship. 

@what-are-even-humans

Omg I love this.

my favourite but about human-“name” is that there’s an alien with the same name on board

Ok so I’ve seen a few posts on here that speculate that humans being predators instead of a prey species would be unusual, so I’d like to expand on that a little bit. I’m not an expert but it seems to me that predators would be MORE likely to evolve to space travel. More often that not the top of the food chain is a predator, and not having any natural predators seems like it would go a long way. Humans probably wouldn’t have accomplished half of what they did if to this day we had a predator that was hunting us and we had to be on alert for. So my theory is this, there are a lot of predator and prey species in space, but while the prey form alliances and work to help the common good, since many predators are solitary or in small packs they would likely not understand the need of the many. They would probably end up as raiders or at best warmongers. However they would generally be repacked by the alliances. So imagine everyone’s surprise when humanity (a predator) tries to join the alliance.

If someone with any sort of writing talent could make a story about this please be my guest.

Holy shit you know what, that actually makes a lot of sense

“You want to what,” T’shon buzzed.

“Join the Alliance. We want to join the Alliance.”

The envoy was small, for a human, but no less intimidating for her size. Her thin limbs were twined with patterns of leaves and stars, ink deposited in her skin through the bloody ritual scarring common among Terrans.

Varrta twiddled their forelimbs nervously, large eyes darting around the room. It didn’t make sense. It had to be a trick. Humans were notoriously vicious. They could go whole cycles without eating or sleeping, they never stopped stalking their prey until they’d killed it. Sometimes they didn’t even need to maul their catch, just followed it relentlessly, stalking with primordial focus until whatever unfortunate beast they followed dropped dead from fear or exhaustion. This ‘Margaret’ had arrived with the typical diplomatic entourage, sending out warnings and calling for parley but she was here representing humans. Predators. Nightmares. Varrta puffed up their quills and firmed their resolve.

“Why would humans wish to be part of the Alliance? We’ve seen you, you know - humans on Maktan cruisers waving weapons, humans commandeering ships and turning pirate. We’ve seen you - YOU - Margaret Cosey,” Varrta tapped their claws against a holofile showing the envoy grinning savagely in the cargo bay of a scavenged freighter, standing beside burly creatures with tusks or claws or laser rifles longer than the human was tall. “Did you grow weary of death and plunder, did you think it was too hard to wrest control from other predators and imagine you could come here and threaten us?”

The envoy shook her head, a motion the translators interpreted as negative and somehow contrite.

“We didn’t know. We didn’t understand.”

“Didn’t know what, exactly, that you wouldn’t have the sharpest teeth at the watering hole?” T’shon was shaking, but on either side of them there were murmurs of assent.

The envoy stepped forward, and it took all of Varrta’s resolve to keep their place at the table as other members of the Alliance shrank back. The human slowly reached forward and touched the corner of the holofile.

“Do you see the other humans in this picture,” she asked, her voice low. “We joined together. We wanted to get away from Terra, see the stars.”

Varrta’s nose twitched as they looked at the image again. There were three humans shown, including the envoy. They trilled an affirmative and gestured for Margaret to continue.

“Jackson, here,” she pointed to the largest human, nearly as tall as the Besney marauder standing beside him, “Jackson left the ship at the first third port. Wanted different work, something quieter. He liked to cook.”

Something strange was happening to the envoy. A shining fluid was gathering near her eyes. Were humans venomous? Oh, spare the universe if humans were venomous.

“This was Lee,” the envoy continued, pointing to a smaller figure, with dark hair like Margaret. Varrta studied the holofile. This Lee had scars like the envoy too, lines of leaves down his arm. Perhaps they were regional markings. “Lee got caught in a firefight. He didn’t belong there. We didn’t know it was going to happen. I tried to save him.”

A hush fell over the chamber.

“I could have made it,” the envoy whispered. “I could have gotten to him in time. He wasn’t bleeding bad enough that it couldn’t have been stopped.”

Varrta felt their hearts grow cold as realization began to creep over them.

“Captain closed the blast doors before I could even get out of the hallway. I made it as far as the airlock before someone knocked me out. When I woke up we were light years away and the crew threw me into the street at the next port.”

The envoy whimpered; a pathetic sound. Shocking from a predator. She looked to T’shon imploringly, then back to Varrta as the fluid in her eyes spilled over.

“We didn’t know. We didn’t understand. They don’t bond, they don’t care,” she took a deep shuddering breath. “Lee was my little brother. My friend. Like a nestmate,” she explained, then glared up at the Alliance representatives, her shoulders lifting in challenge. “Lee was part of my pack, and when we got on the ship we didn’t know that predators out here don’t care about pack, otherwise we’d never have joined up.”

A roar of startled voices filled the chamber until T’shon chirped over the din to demand silence.

“Are you telling me that Terra has pack predators,” Varrta squeaked - humans were inexhaustible, hungry, vicious monsters; the thought of a bonded group of them allied together against a threat was almost too much to handle.

“Yes,” the envoy said, her eyes sparkling brightly as she bared her teeth. The translator insisted this was a friendly gesture but every being in the room shivered to see it. “And we want to join you.”