Your Arrogance Disturbed My Solitude

benson + details THE PASSENGER (2023)

Tears streaming down my face rn

“I was very, very emotionally avoidant. I strictly emotionally avoided everything my whole twenties. I was catching up with my sister the other day, and I was like, ‘I think from the way that we were raised, I think we were taught that we have to earn love.’ Instead of it being an unconditional thing or that being an unconditional entity. I’m not saying it is that. I don’t know whether that comes from that African upbringing, that strict upbringing: get your grades, get into a good uni, become a doctor, become a lawyer. Start overachieving. It was like you have to prove why you’re lovable. We’re trained to be like, ‘If I’m not exceptional, I won’t be loved.’ Certainly, I think that was my thing. So, yeah, I think I’m just learning now like, ‘Oh, you are allowed to be loved.’ You don’t have to be excellent or aspire to that term, ‘Black excellence’. What the hell? There’s so much white mediocrity that gets celebrated, and Black people, we have to be absolutely flawless to get half of [that] anyway. So, I’m slowly training myself out of that and being like, ‘No shit. You deserve love just for existing.’ And that has taught me to be a lot more loving as well, in a weird way.” NCUTI GATWA photographed by Melanie Lehmann for Attitude Magazine (May/June 2024)

Me being happy that one of the firefighters on the firefighter show is finally canonically Bi despite never watching a single episode:

HIDDIES ON TOUR

- LOT2023, Palm Springs Night II

ANDREW SCOTT The Sunday Times | ph. Ward Ivan Rafik

TWIN PEAKS | 2.06 Episode 13 “Demons”

HELP ME LORD FROM THESE FANTASIES IN MY HEEEAD THEY AIN'T NEVER BEEN SAFE ONES I DON'T FELLOWSHIP WITH THESE FAKE ONES SO LET'S TRAVEL TOOOO WHITE CHAPELS AND SIING HYYMNS HOLD ROSARIES AND SING IN STAINED GLASS SYMPHONIES CLEANSE ME HOLY TRINITY FROM THIS MARIJUANA SMOKE SMELL IN MY HAIR