Customer: THIS IS ME WHEN I VISIT MY FRIEND DMV: THE FRIENDFUL VISITOR

Verdict: DENIED

The straight woman is unsatisfied with straight studio porn. She wants to get off to something in which the actors actually emote and show passion beyond canned moans from the women and, at best, vacant grunts from the men. She turns to gay porn. She knows it's not "for her," but neither was the straight porn, and at least the actors look like they're enjoying themselves. And for a short while she is satiated by Sean Cody et al, but she runs into the same problems she had to begin with. She was not looking at sex but a simulacrum of sex, trapped in Plato's cave. Unsatisfied, she turned to vintage gay porn, harkening to a time when most gay bars still had darkrooms and reliably smelled of piss and Amyl Nitrite. Here was the real thing, in all its animalistic passion. But she still couldn't immerse herself in the fantasy. She wanted the media to engage with her own imagination and meet her half-way, rather than having it spoonfed to her onscreen. She turned to yaoi, with its elongated figures reminiscent of mannerist portraiture, then bara, including hardcore BDSM scenes. But the tactile sensations depicted in the pages didn't do justice to their real life counterparts. She turned deeper into her own imagination, this time reading erotica. No, not the poolside paperbacks sold at Barnes and Noble. The good shit. Why then, was she still not satisfied? She dug deeper, searching for the true meaning of eroticism. She studied the psychoanalysis of Freud, the cultural criticism of Susan Sontag, the feminist poetry of Audre Lorde. She took vacation time and flew to Europe, starting at the caves of Lascaux to explore the human urge to create, then traversed the Camino de Santiago on foot, along the way meeting a 56 year old carpenter from Burgos named Andrés, with whom she had an explosive affair. They both knew it couldn't last, which made them cherish each other's touch all the more. Upon flying home, she gave up. If her search for true eroticism never bore fruit this whole time, why would it now? It would take years before she stumbled upon the answer by pure happenstance: dubstep.

Them

OMG JUST REMEMBERED I BEAR THE CURSE 😍

Everybody drawing custodes ladies with elaborate long feminine hairstyles and crazy intense makeup is insane. Have you seen the current custodes heads? They have the most dyke looking fucked up buzzcuts on earth broken up by 6 separate cybernetic skull ports, and the ladies would be no different. The only ones who even know what eyeliner is are in the Emissaries Imperatus shield host and would only wear it as an obscure means of communicating rank or authority in niche diplomatic interactions.

Where’s the screenshot of the post about the most butch woman Twitter can handle before they get scared…

my housemate kept passing me the bowl and encouraging me to take hit after hit and as a joke they said “why don’t you be good and dumb and take another hit?” and it practically turned off my brain

sebulba has always had pervert energy too.

i have the 2000 phantom menace calendar somewhere but anyway when i was a kid i would just keep it on sebulba's month because i liked looking at this image

i literally have been in tears over this for like 15 minutes

LINK TO ARTICLE

image description: Tweet thread.

text: The supreme court effectively abolishes the right to mass protest in 3 U.S. states.

image: protestors holding signs, megaphones, and fists in the air

Remember kids: The protest, regardless how violent and destructive it may be, even if it's an outright riot, was always deemed as peaceful alternative, the alternative that won't get you in jail. The moment it does? There is no reason to not reach for the very thing it was an alternative for: Sabotage -Admin

I am standing here, realising

like meow

I don’t know what kind of kink this is.

it's not a kink it's just efficient. one hand for shoveling potatoes in my mouth and the other hand for blasting hog. getting two birds stoned at once

unstoppable whole raw potato vs immovable horny thoughts who would win

im nothing like those slobbering imbecile coworkers. i like to get stoned, and listen to music