Me: I don't get it. I thought I was doing a lot better than I was a few years ago. I'm like 10 times more on top of things than I used to be. How does everything feel terrible now?

The Tiny Me in OSHA-approved Hi-Vis Gear Who lives in my brain and pulls all the levers: Boss, it's the fascism. You're completely gunked up with cortisol due to the fact that your entire daily life is now underscored with a haunting awareness of the rapid erosion of your rights, dignity, and any and all social safety nets, and you're also bearing witness to the most vulnerable people immediately being persecuted. This creates a natural stress response that basically means you're going to continue having memory and organizational problems, as well as emotional imbalances.

Me: BUT I HAVE A BULLET JOURNAL AND I MEDITATE NOW.

Tiny OSHA Me: BOSS, THE FASCISM.

LeaperShield Recommendations

On the 2nd April 2025 I woke from a fever dream. Where instead of hanging out in my favourite discord server MON CAPITAINE, discussing the dynamics of LeaperShield, and reading so many comics where they share special moments, I was now back to hanging out in You Gave Me A Home, stuffed with 616 Steve/Tony content. What the hell?

Even worse, there doesn't seem to be as much Georges/Steve fic on Ao3 as I remember. And the ship manifesto seems to have disappeared! I don't understand! I feel like I've been kicked in the head by a man skilled in savate.

These are dark times for LeaperShield shippers. To help us cope, here are some fic recommendations. Even if you've read them before, take solace in them. It is the true hurt/comfort OTP – where they can beat the shit out of each other then take it in turns to tend each other's wounds. Time for you to take comfort in their love.

Joyeux Noël, Until We Meet Again

Georges/Steve, 616, Teen And Up

Every year, Georges Batroc sent Steve Rogers a Christmas card. One year he didn't.

Christmas! A rescue! Cigarette sharing!

Rude Awakening (Fitting Compensation)

by @darthbloodorange

Georges/Steve, MCU, Teen And Up

Steve is woken by the alarm. Turns out there is a criminal in the kitchen... cooking.

Tony is not cool about it.

Leaping to Conclusions

by @sineala

Georges/Steve, Steve/Tony, MA:A, Teen And Up

Basketball games. Lunch in the park. Evenings at the movies. Tony and Steve are longtime Avengers teammates and the best of friends, and Tony's been pining away for Steve as long as he's known him. Tony knows Steve's straight, but if Steve were going to date a guy, it would be him, wouldn't it? Everyone knows that. Unfortunately, no one told Steve. And when Steve decides to keep trying online dating after the Lover's Leap fiasco, Tony is shocked and heartbroken to learn that Steve's new boyfriend is none other than... Batroc the Leaper! But for the sake of Steve's happiness, Tony must put aside his own feelings about Batroc before it costs him Steve's friendship -- or worse.

Zee fic that first kicked me in the face with ze power of Leapershield, mon dieu! The romance! The sparring! The delight! The fic ends with Steve/Tony… if that's your bag. Bah!

Life and Lemons

by @darthbloodorange

Georges/Steve, MCU, Explicit

The conference in the UK was put off for a week. Instead of flying back to America the Avengers decided to make the most of it. Steve never thought that he'd run into Batroc the Leaper.

Keep the workskin on for this one - it makes the language feel more immersive. Dirty talk in French, banging in a barn. A good fuck.

I Could Be Your Bad Boy

Georges/Steve, Steve/Tony, 616, Explicit

Steve needs information.

Batroc has that information. His only request? A blowjob.

Thank God Steve's good pal Tony Stark is mission control and can give very, very good instructions.

One Night in Madripoor! Obviously, this has got a whole load of Steve/Tony with power dynamics in it, so if you're only into LeaperShield you should stop after chapter one. Even Batroc appears to ship it for some reason?!? But Batroc is so lucky that Steve is good at taking pointers – even if they're not his instructions.

octopus Tony Stark for @sineala for the Marvel 616 Steve/Tony discord's stocking exchange

I referred to something as a "real Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra moment" in conversation with someone who has never seen TNG, and let me tell you, that was a real Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra moment

hey gamers I’ve started watching star trek does anyone else see the romantic tension between captain kirk and mr. spock

watching the realization publicly dawn in real time in the comments is fucking amazing

op's tags:

comments:

I DIDN’T KNOWWWW

onwards, comrades

Imagining myself as a badass flaming skeleton helps a lot actually. Onwards, comrades

Under D&D rules, a dagger does 1d4 base damage. The average human has a Strength score of 10, adding no bonuses. Several of them, due to the military background of many, likely had strength or dexterity scores of 11-14. But only two or three, and quite a few would be frail with old age, sinking to 8-9 strength. All in all, we can only add a total of +1 damage per round from Brutus.

An estimate of sixty men were involved in Caesar’s actual murder. Not the wider conspiracy, but the stabbing.

Julius Caesar was a general, which is generally depicted as a 10th level fighter. Considering his above baseline constitution and dex, weakened by his probable history of malaria, epilepsy, and/or strokes (-1 dex modifier), and lack of armor at the time of the event, he would likely have something along the lines of AC 9 and 60 HP. The senators would likely hit him roughly 55% the time.

So the Roman senate had a damage-per-round of 66, more than enough to kill Caesar in one round even without factoring in surprise round advantage.

Now THESE are the kind of statistics I wanna see!

So as a giant nerd with  the 5e player’s handbook in her  purse DM, I’m going to quibble with your math just a tiny bit. Just getting Caesar to 0 wouldn’t do it – he’d have to fail his death saves or be reduced to -60hp to autodie.

First of all, I think given the facts, we can safely disregard any surprise round damage or advantage. Caesar had ample warning of the attack prior to its execution, both from rumors of the plot and portentous omens. This, combined with historical writings that state Caesar attempted to flee, would indicate that there was no surprise round and Caesar was active in the initiative order from the first event.  Accepting your numbers, 33 of the 60 conspirators involved should have succeeded in their attack rolls. This includes Climber, who successfully restrained Caesar, and Brutus, who did an additional 1 point of damage. 3 of the 33 attacks, statistically, were critical hits. If we assume that everyone was using a dagger, no one besides Brutus had damage modifiers, and no one besides Climber used their attack for anything other than a grapple, then the final damage total of the Roman Senate is 71 points of damage. (28 regular attacks at 2 points each [56] + 3 critical attacks at 4 points each [12] + Climber’s grapple [0] + Brutus’s attack at 2+1 [3]) Here’s where it gets hairy. According to historical record and autopsy, only 24 of the 60 attacks landed. (23 stab wounds, plus Climber’s grapple.) This indicates that: 

Further complicating matters are the following facts: 

With all these facts in consideration, I think we can surmise the following. 

Caesar, despite being feebled by age and illness, had a higher dex modifier than the original post credits him with. This aided him in AC, but due to illness, his HP was significantly lower than the average level 10 fighter. Additionally, he must have rolled very poorly on initiative, or else many more conspirators would have hit him while he was prone.  Caesar entered the senate chamber. Climber, who led the initiative round, approached Caesar and grappled him. Immediately after, Casca and Brutus attacked Caesar, both landing non-fatal wounds. Caesar used his first round reaction to grapple Casca in return, grabbing his arm. Casca called for aid, and some other 57 conspirators rushed to help. Given the final numbers, it’s likely that some used their action to dash or add to the DC of the grapple. Most of them acted before Caesar, attacking while he was grappled but not prone. Because of his high AC, many of these strikes missed. On his turn, Caesar attempted to break the grapple. Caesar rolled a 1, prompting him to become prone. From this point on, attacks against him had advantage. When he was near death, a rogue, (assuming level 10) landed a critical hit with sneak attack. The presence of rogues is supported by Caesar’s words to Casca earlier: “Casca, you villain,” if we assume “villain” is meant, literally, as criminal, and not a metaphor for “stabhappy person”. What’s awesome is we can use the rogue’s attack as a control for our estimation of Caesar’s HP. 

Using the quick build rules in the PHB a human rogue at that level could have a dex as high as 20. For the sake of argument we’ll nerf him down to 15. That gives him a total dex+prof modifier of +6 with a dagger. So for final damage we’re looking at 1d4+5d6+6. That averages out to 23 including the modifier. Maybe around 30 if he rolls extremely well. And, if he struck after Caesar was unconscious, he’d crit automatically. So we’re looking at an average of 40 and a max of 75 points of damage. That gets us right to the sweet spot of the OP’s estimated 60 HP, with a good roll. 

So there you have it. The average damage round of the Roman senate is around 70ish points of damage, but against a grappled and prone foe with the aid of one asshole rogue, it’s more in the 120 range. 

Stab a politician day!!!!

I think we could really make inroads at dismantling the two gender system if we simply implement ranked choice gender

Because I didn't get to post it yesterday..