Show Me A New and Brighter World

@otahkoapisiakii

I can’t quite place my finger on the name for the feeling this conveys, but it is an extremely Big Mood

someday we’re going to make contact with aliens and they’re going to watch through our backlog of nature documentaries and see all the deep sea fish we call alien-like. and they’re going to be like “hey.”

i dont WANT to be a fucking farmer in stardew valley i want to be an incredibly attractive and surprisingly reclusive romancable bachelor who stares at shit like water and trees for 1-6 hours of the day only to be bothered by a filthy down and out farmer kid with a surprisingly accurate ability to guess what items i like.

I’ve been standing outside your bedroom every Thursday at 4 PM with a bag of skittles and yet you refuse to acknowledge me!

you need to right click me to engage conversation, king.

That’s not a cursed image

Chess v2.001 Patch Notes

- Fuck pawns knights bishops and kings

- Rooks go hog wild

rooks be like

pringles iron maiden

[reaches in]

AAAAAHHHGHHHHH!!! AAUUUGHH FUCK! SON OF A FREAKING MOTHER!!

[grabs chip] 

hoooh... okay. I’m okay. :)

[pulls my hand back out]

SHIT FUCKING HELL! AAAAHHHH AAAAAOOOOHH WHY-

[chip crunching]

mmm, yummy yummy! I think I’ll have another! :D [reaches in-]

"Q: It is illegal for drivers under the age of 21 to operate a vehicle while under the influence, True/False?

A: False! It is is illegal to drive under the influence at ANY age."

Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

I passed the test because it was fairly simple compared to the damn psychological warfare conducted by the practice test I used

Actual test: Identify which of the following is a stop sign

Practice test: Four cars at a four way unmonitored intersection and youre the only one turning right. The car across from you is hydroplaning, and the driver of the car to your left exits the vehicle and pulls out a gun

Who needs a mouse when you have a desk weasel. [source]

I love how it looks like it’s just existing at several frames faster than the human hand

I love that lil face <3

absolutely genius

ok but why steal your ex’s netflix when you can buy your own

THREE MONTHS TIL 2020 I CANT BELIEVE IM ALIVE FOR THIS

ONE DAY LEFT?

only haters will say this is edited

Making friends with people from other countries is so crazy. I sent my group chat a Big Bird gif.

And this one girl says, “why isn’t he blue?”

I’m like, the fuck you mean??

So today I learned that in the Dutch version of Sesame Street, they do, in fact, have a blue Big Bird.

I was baffled by this so I went on Muppets Wiki and guess what.

In Mexico, Big Bird is green and his name is Abelardo.

Turkish Big Bird (aka Minik Kus) is apparently fucking orange.

This looks like a fuckin alternate universe or smth. I can’t.

Memes & Comedy

So I am sitting here playing solitaire on the Linkin Park website, and the computer LOST THE FOUR OF CLUBS! It literally is missing a card!

There is nowhere it could be hiding! The four of clubs is just not there!

“WHY ARE YOU PLAYING SOLITAIRE ON THE LINKIN PARK WEBSITE?”

Is Russia even real

I think it is necessary for me to transcribe what she’s saying because it is EXACTLY how I babytalk to my cat:

“Oh Stepa! So little – little Stepa! My little kiss, where’s my little kiss?? Where are my little fingers? Where are my little legs? Where are my little paws? Stepa!” *shakes his paw* “Say hello! Hello my little one! Hello!” *lies down on him* “Oh how nice, how warm. Good boy…”

to be clear, this bear is named the russian equivalent of “steve”

I don’t speak Russian, but I and every pet owner out there knew exactly what she was saying

fuck all philosophy except for whatever the hell Diogenes was trying to teach

direct action

How about just being polite & going into a debate with those who hold diffrent beliefs then you?

how about you eat my shit and hair

staying true to spirit

the OG of the vicious burn

Diógenes said you couldn’t spit anywhere but in the face of a rich man because once this rich dude invited him into his house and literally told him you can’t spit on anything that touches the floor so Diógenes spit in this guys face

here is a very good painting of Diógenes in his tub that i had the good fortune of actually seeing earlier this year

I love that Diogenes is making a comeback in the twenty-first century.

Diogenes also attended many of Plato’s lessons, not because he was interested or even to debate him but he would bring food with him and purposefully eat obnoxiously loud

When you do an art collab with someone more talented than you:

isn’t that the girl from

Why do you have these saved

does anyone have the screenshot of the post tnats a puffer fish blowing out water and the caption is like OOOOHH OOOOG OOG GOOGOUUUUUU HHHHHH or something

?