today i learned nipples grow back and now have to figure out what to do with this information
cuz if i needed to learn it everyone else has to too
I know nipples grow back because once when i was in middle school in my art class a bunch of dudesat my table who were always fucking around instead of doing their work heard a rumor that if you spray AXE directly onto your nipple for exactly sixty seconds, and flicked it, your nipple will come off. So the moment the teacher left the room to go to the bathroom or something, they whip out a can and one brave soul among their number begins to spray himself, while the others chanted ritualistically. At 60 seconds, they watched, giggling, as the young man put his hand up to his breast and flicked. to their horror, the nipple did come off and, at ballistic speeds, soared across the table and hit me right in the cheek. And stuck. So everyone who was aware of this spectacle is sitting there in stunned silence, all while blood gushed from the nipple hole of the young man. I am so stunned that I am literally incapable of moving, having astral-projected so far away from this disembodied nipple that i may as well have been a dead man. The teacher returns and his shirt comes down, in an attempt to hide the tomfoolery, but yall know AXE Body Spray knows nothing of mercy, and almost immediately she was alerted to the scent of defeat and the sight of blood seeping through the young mans shirt. She didnt ask for an explaination, simply advised him to take the pass and go to the nurse. As he stands to go, his fellow comerade, remembering me suddenly, reaches over and plucks the bodiless nipple from my cheek, like a grape from the vine, and runs up to his friend with the words “dont forget your nipple”. It was a moving experience that honestly changed my life forever. I’m a new man after that day.
This is by far the best addition to any post I have ever made.
I DONT CARE IF THIS IS TRUE OR NOT EITHER WAY ITS FUNNY AS FUCK
we learn worse. when i broke the tower i was building, my student said to me what i say to her, all the time: “it’s okay! we will rebuild it together. things happen, but we can help each other fix them.” my words out of her mouth sounded big, big, big. this idea i’d given her idly, just when i was comforting her in the moments of mess-ups - not to laugh, but to lend a hand.
big, big, big words. when my second graders come in, one of them says: we should just kill them all, and be done with it.
i remind him we don’t talk about killing at school. i tell him we absolutely do not talk about killing people. and then i ask: where did you even get this idea.
his dad, of course. talking to his mom. it probably wasn’t something he was supposed to overhear. and what am i going to do about parent politics, you know? i remind my student about kindness. i make sure to read a book about love and acceptance. what does a second grader know about killing, huh?
in fifth grade after-school, we make a poster. i write the words “if i could change the world, i would…” in big swooping font. since i spend most of my day with children under 7, i expect answers like “i would have wings” or “i would be a princess.” i expect them to be children.
instead, i get “i would change gun laws so my friends don’t have to die,” “i would stop companies from hurting the environment” “i would keep everybody safe, no matter who they are or where they came from.”
big, big, big ideas. we forget how much kids are sponges. how much they soak up everything. how quickly they learn to read, to understand, to form their own knowledge and passions. what am i supposed to do. they’re bolstered by the internet. i can’t tell them to turn their heads from what they already know is true.
on the playground, we have to call one of the boys in again and explain to him that he cannot run around screaming “grab them by the pussy” even if he heard those words from the president. later, this same boy talks loudly about russia and fake news. i have to kindly ask him to cut the politics down while he’s at school. he’s scaring everyone with talks of nukes.
im scared, everyone. a girl comes up to me and looks at her best friend. he is a mexican student. “is he going to have to leave?” she asks.
and what am i supposed to do.
So everyone’s always talking about how crazy it was that Peter could stop Bucky’s arm. Okay, we know Peter’s ridiculously strong after the spiderbite, but I think that he may be even stronger than Steve?
Steve could not stop Bucky’s arm. Maybe it was because Bucky was in the Winter Soldier mode at the time and that increased his strength? But still, Steve is using all his strength , both hands, to push Bucky away and fails and Peter?
Peter stops Bucky seemingly effortlessly, with one hand, and it doesn’t sound like he strained to do it at all.
Furthermore, look at this scene:
Peter’s holding Steve back. Sure, they’re both straining, but Peter is still capable of holding Cap back. Yeah, Steve does break free eventually, but not because he overpowered Peter in brute strength. Steve knew in this moment, when he tried hard to break free and couldn’t, that he wouldn’t be able to win against this kid on sheer muscle power because Peter was on par or even stronger than him.
So when he dropped that container on him, Steve knew that Peter would be able to catch it and not get crushed. That kid was able to hold him back and Steve probably knew that since he himself would have been able to hold up the container ergo Peter would be, too. (still, Steve, you don’t go around dropping containers on kids, your mama raised you better than this)
TL;DR: Peter’s probably stronger than Captain America, the dude who pulled a literal helicopter out of the sky.
(and Peter lifted a collapsed house off of himself. Boy is crazy strong.)
why is everyone so fucking cranky in this website huh??? why are y’all so eager to start discourse??? how about plucking your eyebrows or sucking on some toes for a change stop being so negative all the damn time complaining about everything just to sound smart doesn’t make you woke it just makes you an ass
i never realized how much i hate modern art until i took a class in modern art
it’s so pretentious. like half of the pieces we’ve looked at have been purportedly commenting on elitism in art and income disparities when the piece itself sold for thousands of dollars to be put in a museum for rich people to look at. you’re supposed to look at barren canvases with vague splotches of color and meditate on the nature of life, navelgazing for an hour. bitch I can do that in my own home for free. most of the time the pieces themselves don’t require any skill, it’s just an asshole with some bright idea that ~~~no one has ever thought of before~~~ (which is bullshit, originality is a myth) and the gall to pretend that they’re saying something meaningful. A bunch of postmodernists specialize in literal plagiarism but with a different title. wow so edgy. really thought provoking. you sure are making a statement that’s relevant and people care about.
the most egregious example is this bullshit:
this is an overhead view of a plaza wherein some famous guy was commissioned to design a public art piece for. The brick and nonfunctional fountain was already there. The sculpture? a literal wall of iron bisecting the courtyard. this guy was paid over 100k to design this.
Now, this is located in a city, smack dab in the middle of a bunch of office buildings. Workers who had to spend 8 hours a day 5 days a week doing menial desk jobs had to look at this ugly piece of shit. You want to have a nice picnic during lunch break with your work buddies? tough shit. You get tilted arc instead fucko. You can’t see from one end of the courtyard to another because some dick thought rebar sheet metal was more important. It also impeded movement between the buildings so that you have to go around this fucking obstacle instead of just fucking walking from one side to the other.
So yeah, these workers got pissed, because you’re making an ugly place even uglier for obscene amounts of money without thinking about the ppl who actually have to look at it every day (who had no say in the design). There have been countless studies done on stress and related health problems in office workers and having to look at ugly as sin shit like this piece of work actually contributes to stress and decreases mental and physical health (as opposed to pretty scenery or plants etc).
When the designer was told what people thought of his masterpiece, he threw an absolute shitfit. “art doesn’t have to be pretty”, he said. “art isn’t for the public”.
while it is absolutely true that art doesn’t have to be aesthetically pleasing to be meaningful or relevant, putting this fucking monstrosity in a place where people are forced to look at it day in day out, in addition to the ugly buildings and streets and shit that comprises the rest of their lives is just kind of a dick move. Yes, people are painfully aware that life and art and all that shit isn’t always pretty. they’re the ones who have to live with that fact, not some pompous asshole who thinks he’s god’s gift to man because he put some metal wall in a plaza.
And yeah, not all art is for the public. Art can be self-expression or just for your own enjoyment. But if you are being commissioned by the state, paid hundereds of thousands of tax dollars to make a PUBLIC art piece, yeah, it’s for the public! saying that other people have no say in what that public art piece looks like, implying that if other people don’t like your art that they just Don’t Understand True Art TM, is this hugely egotistical self-masturbatory elitism that puts the artist above the working people (when like the whole point of art is supposed to be disrupting this kind of bullshit thinking).
But that’s not even the best part. This fucking douchebag, upon being told that people don’t want this metal wall in their courtyard and that they want him to move it, freaks the FUCK out about how he “designed it just for this space and taking it out of its context would destroy it”. Which like, yeah context is important when understanding the meaning of a piece. but literally the only meaning of this piece was “i got paid obscene amounts of money and im gonna use it to make the ugliest thing i can think of literally just because”. If you move it out of the context of the plaza it wouldn’t be impeding foot traffic or being an eyesore to the workers who are forced to spend their days there, which is destroying the purpose of the work. So in the end this guy opts to have the piece destroyed rather than moved because he can’t stand to have his ~~~high art~~~ removed from its PurposeTM which is to be unpleasant. i dont give a single goddamn fuck about ‘advancing sculpture’ or whatever the fuck, if it’s causing people stress on top of their already stressful lives just because you thought it would be great to create this atrocity in a place where no one can escape from, you’re not ‘advancing’ anything, you’re just being a dick.
So now the space has been converted to a rather plesant little oasis with plants and lots of benches.
anyways thats my dissertation on how much i hate contemporary art and find it to lack relevance or meaning to the people it supposedly represents or defends. it takes itself too seriously and imposes arbitrary and hypocritical statements on the nature of art at the expense of any real substance. in the world we live in, pretty things for the sake of being pretty, having stories that are entertaining and engaging and relatable, having fun and feeling good in a world that devalues those things, etc. are far more impactful and radical than anything sitting in a museum created by some millionaire who jacks off to their “fine art”. thanks for coming to my ted talk have a good night
Being positive all the time isn’t possible. Angry? show it, scream, let that shit out. Upset? Cry, flood the damn room if you have to. Express your emotions and don’t bottle them up, who cares if ppl think you’re being miserable, you have every right to let out your emotions.
“Truth or dare?” “Dare.” “Order me a pizza.”
I HAVE BEEN BLIND TO THE POSSIBILITIES
A tribute album to Weird Al that features the actual bands covering their own parody covers.