Ask Coach Yakov

Most people think I get my anger from my father, but my mother was not a woman to be trifled with. She let no one walk over her, and she was fiercely protective of her friends and family.

I would definitely consider the skaters to be my children...it becomes more than just a job when you're teaching skills to young children. You become responsible for more than just their daily lessons.

You have to know how to bandage the "ouchies" , solve the random squabbles, and ask about their drawings.

I've always wanted children of my own, but it just wasn't in the cards.

I have a whole junk drawer full of random things and prank objects I have collected from the skaters over the year, but the latest has to be twelve boxes of those Christmas tree snack cakes.

They sneak a few when in the locker rooms, and then they're sluggish for the rest of practice!

I haven't got used to living alone yet, and end up making enough food to last me the whole week.

Too many cookies were made today...

The Ugly Christmas Quilt

Every year, when the nights got a little more chilly and warm beverages brought everyone together, Yakov got to brush up on his sewing. He'd grab the scissors and start hacking away at the itchy fabric he was forced to wear only hours before, creating a scraggly addition to his Christmas quilt.

You see, this all started a few years ago when all the skaters decided to compete to find the ugliest sweater to gift their grumpy old coach. It's almost like they thought he'd catch the holiday spirit if the deer or snowman stared into his soul long enough.

And for around a week straight he was forced into the festive monstrosities, face as red as that one deers nose. Tortured with trees, deers, and sparkling flakes, just because he couldn't deny his skater kids

This went on for years, until he had stacks and stacks of festive vomit pushed back to the corners of his closet, and slowly creeping back towards the front.

So now, every year, his skater children get a pair of ugly mismatched mittens or one of those ridiculous pom pom hats, and he gets a few more squares to add to the itchiest blanket ever made.

It may feel like you're laying in a pile of ants surrounded by beehives, but that's just all the love trying to escape through the stitches.

:3

It all depends on who gets you the sweater...if it's just Steve from work, you can just go ahead and regift it right away...but if it comes from someone you don't just tolerate (like your obnoxious skater kids), you are obligated to wear it once. If it magically disappears after that it's not your fault.

I only drink the strongest vodka, like my ancestors intended.

*kicks empty wine botte under the couch*

Ah, LM! It has been so long! Happy holidays, I hope you are doing well!!

So..now that my life is just a flaming dumpster fire, and I just want to escape for a bit, feel free to ask myself or Yakov some questions. I want to get back into writing a little bit more...I know it's been a long time. I'm sorry.