college kids be like…

insta

so english doesn’t have the word prestidigitation

that’s a surprise

that explain this movie i have seen where a real magician enter a magic contest and someone said “that’s not magic, that’s sorcery” which is a sentence i had found quite silly at the time

When people ask a question on reddit when they can simply google it, it’s mostly because they want ro have a mini discussion about that topic.

It makes no sense that womens pants have fake pockets but baby pants have real pockets

Sometimes it blows my mind that there are people that don’t wear glasses/contacts. Like they can literally see with no aid. Like they wake up and just be out here seeing. What a wild concept.

And people say stuff like ‘lol don’t you hate it when you look up in the middle of the night and see a spider on your ceiling’ like bitch (!!) i could have Nicholas II last czar of Russia hangin from my ceiling fan and i would be none the wiser

She is gone, but she used to be mine.

When someone asks what I do in my spare time:

my insta!!!

I really want Hillary to just say “Donald how does a bill get passed” and just wait for his response

We all know how a bill gets passed. There are some great bills. Beautiful bills. Unbelievable bills.

Will you pass bills, they ask me. I will pass some bills. Some of the best bills.

Hillary will never pass bills. She’s never passed any bills. I will pass them. I’ll pass so many bills it’ll be yuge. Hillary passed some of the worst bills. Worst bills ever. Unbelievable. She’s married to Bill Clinton.

i took the stairs instead of the escalator why am i still fat